Subj: Re: [ffml] [MW] The Good, the Bad, and the Yaoi Date: 99-12-26 17:58:32 EST From: RaumKatze2@aol.com Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com From: RaumKatze2@aol.com Mogomra, the evil wizard, dressed in a cloak of black, picked himself off the ground. He was a little disoriented, but not injured. He could tell this was another dimension, but that didn't matter. He could take over this one, without having to worry about the meddling of Yaoi Beard Man and his pesky companions. It was a good thing he still had the... "THE BOOK!?! NO!!!!! DAMN YOU, YAOI BEARD MAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ---------- Yaoi Beard Man, or Ken, as he was known to his closest friends, made sure that his companions, Resumama, Noodles, and Mr. Bishounen were alright. "Owwww!!" said Noodles, "I think of sprained my ankle! Ow, ow, owww!" "Is everyone else alright?" asked Ken. "Well, other than being the last of my kind, with no hope of ever finding a mate, I'm just peachy," Mr. Bishounen, the talking ferret, said sardonically. "Oh, quit your whining," said Resumama, the provocatively attired, buxom young woman, "Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Even when you find someone you're interested in, he's too clueless to figure out you're into him, even though that's the only reason you're accompanying him on his crazy adventures." "Wow," said Ken, "it must really suck to be a girl." Resumama grumbled. "Where are we, anyway?" said Ken. "We appear to be in some metal structure, undergr..." Mr. Bishounen was interrupted when a big, stinky ork came rolling down some stairs right into him. Shortly after, an attractive, silver-haired man came walking down the same stairs. He was immediatly drawn to Resumama's beauty. "Greetings, young lady, my name is Sephiroth. How may I be of service to you?" "Oh brother," said Mr. Bishounen, while pulling himself out from under the ork. Resumama giggled, "Well, you could start by tell me where we are right now." "Well, I wish I could tell you, but I'm not sure myself. I just got here, and I've never seen anything like this before... Oh! How rude of me, I haven't even asked what your name is." All the while, Mr. B was making sarcastic facial expressions. "Will you quit that, Mr. Bishounen?!" said Resumama, "Anyway, my name is Resumama." Seph couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Bishounen? Resu? And who's that over there," he pointed to noodles, "Yaoi Man?" "Actually, that would be Ken over here. Ow!! My ankle!!!" said Noodles. "Yaoi _Beard_ Man, actually." said Ken. Drugga got up and spoke, "So wut ar yez, porno starz?" "What?!" said Resumama, "How dare you!" She gave Drugga a slap on the cheek. Angered, Drugga screamed and hit Resumama back, knocking her down. "Hey! You can't do that to me! Ken, do something!" "Uh," said Ken, "Sorry about her, she gets like that some times." "That'z okay," said Drugga, "I kin fergive 'er. In fact I could giv 'er sum orky lovin' right now. How'z that sound t' you, babee?" "hmph," said Resumama, turning up her nose. Just then, Sephiroth noticed something. "Get down, everybody!" Everyone ducked, except for Noodles, who Yaoi Beard Man needed to tackle to save him from the spray of machine gun fire from the Guardian robot. "Ooowww!!!! My ankle," he cried. [Eric, you pick things up here.] -------------- Gork, Vulg, Blog and Snot, who were a gargoyle, an imp, a troll, and a miniature dragon respectively, looked around, trying to take in their surroundings, but it was too dark. Once their eyes started to adjust, they could tell that they were in a dungeon, but not Mogomra's. They heard a voice, a weak voice, calling to them from accross the room. "Hello? Is there someone here? Please help us..." The four henchmen went in the direction of the calls. On the way, snot picked up a torch from the wall, and lit it with his breath. They saw four people, shackled in chains, and dressed in in restrictive (and quite revealing!) leather outfits. There were three young men, and one young woman. "Who are you?" said Gork. "Who are we..." said the young man who had called them, "We are the queens of Mog. My name is Squall. This is Zell, Seiter, and Selfie." "Queens?" said Blog, "Since when can guys be queens?" "And since when are royals kept in the dungeon?" asked Vulg. "You see," said Zell, "In the second moogle war, even though Mog's queens were brainwashed, he still thought they were too rebeliously independant. So this time around, he just keeps us chained up in the dungeon." "Then what's the point of having queens?" said Snot. Seifer spoke up, "He keeps us around, so that when he gets those urges of his, he can... he..... Oh God, It's horrible..." "He uses us like the dirty stinking whores we are!!" Selfie burst out. "Heh. Sounds like the way Mogomra treats us," said Vulg, "Except for the bondage and sex and stuff." "Please help us escape," said Squall. "Sorry," said Snot, "We would, but we have to find our boss now. See ya!" And the four henchmen squeezed through a barred window, into the open air. [Warning: some sex talk ahead. Not a full-on lemon, but some sex talk, nonetheless. Consider yourself warned.] From: His Dark Lordship "Waaghin' Shit!" yelled Drugga. "Lookit dat ting!" They were staring up at a hulking giant. On one side there was a great metal rod smoking, and the other a gigantic blade. "Find some cover... FAST" yelled Sephiroth. Everyone dove out of the way as the rod emitted several rounds of death. Noodles ran to Ken's side, but tripped. "Nooo!" he yelled as the beast loomed over him. Suddenly, it's Daemonic head turned to another part of the facility. It suddenly bounded off in that direction. Mr. Bishounen crawled out from a small hole he found. "Whew. THAT was close." "Don't be so sure..." started Sephiroth. "What ever he headed off to do, I doubt it'll take long..." "Why do you call him a 'he'?" asked Resumama angrily. Sephiroth blinked. "Well..." Ken looked around. "Where did your Ork friend take off to?" Sephiroth suddenly whirled about. "Drugga? Drugga? Aww... shit." * * * * * * * * * He strolled between a great maze. It was a series of open rooms, but Turan seemed to know which way to go. He couldn't understand it himself, it was almost as if something was guiding him through this maze. He was glad, too. Earlier on he curiously tossed a coin down an ajorning hall. It faded away into nothingness. The whole time, as well, he found himself muttering strange words. "Ies toth thra, Klaatu ferratta nichto, Ies toth thra, Klaatu ferratta nichto..." Finally he came to a door. As he stepped through it, he suddenly felt a blast of energy, as he was blinded with light. He stumbled into the doorway, which swung shut. As his sight registered, he saw a great cylindical podium, with several strange symbols on it, and at it's centre a book fashioned of human skin. Even in it's archaine writing, Turan recognized it immediately. It was the dreaded Necromonicon ex Mortus. He thought he heard something moving outside the chamber. He focused on the book. Moogle legends told of this book, and how it slew an entire race once. One opposed to humanity. It would be the finest asset to Mog, he thought. Some primal urge told him to open it. He looked through the book. Slowly, he began repeating what it said, not even knowing it. * * * * * * * * * "Mmm.. I wundah 'ow deez thinz werk..." Drugga was looking around various metal goliaths. He had checked out the most massive one in the place, but it had no controls in it and absolutely no way for him to figure out how to work it. If he had a mekboy with him it would've been fine. He noticed that all the other goliaths had full control sets within them, however. So, in a true Orky fashion, he decided he would find the second most 'ard of these goliaths, wind it up, and then kick the shit out of the stupid controlless one. He saw one that caught his eye. It was fashioned with a great face that resembled an ork. Writing on the side that was left spelt "Va__g__h" The rest of the pain had chipped off. Drugga crawled up it's leg rather quickly. He found what looked like the cockpit and sat in it. "Now 'ow do weez getz dis goin?" * * * * * * * * * Turan let out the last words in another instinctive bellow. "KLAATU FERRATTA NICHTO!!!" he yelled aloud! The altar suddenly cracked. In an instant, Turan felt like he was on air. An almost painful tingling fell through his system, making his cock throb as the intensity of his brain felt like a million orgasms, and from how his loins felt, an experience of them. He was so influxed on the energy flow that he failed to notice the goliath form destroying the wall behind him. Neither did he notice it slowly move towards him, it's gigantic blade rearing up... * * * * * * * * * Drugga's cockpit suddenly burst to light. "Welcome" beamed a feminine voice. "Yo." grunted Drugga in reply. "Please state password." Drugga raised his eyebrow for a second. "Quiet, bitch." "Password accepted. Hello, Gus, you big, sexy hunk of a man." "Ma name ain't Gus, itz Drugga." "You are Drugga, a big, sexy hunk of a man. Data swap complete." "Big, sexy hunk of an ORKY." "You are Drugga, a big, sexy hunk of an ORKY. Data swap complete." "Datz bettah. How doz diz thin' werk?" "You simply operate my love handles there." Drugga blinked. She must mean the small armholds on the sides, he decided. He saw two legholds below him. He slipped into them. "Oh yeah, stick those big cocks in me, sexy." "...Wot?" "Ohhh yeah..." Drugga began moving his arms and legs, which induced more cries from the speaker. Also, the goliath he was in started to move around. Drugga saw a sort of level by his left arm with a button. He grabbed it, and the goliath's left arm let loose a load of bullets. "Ohhh.. rather than do that, why not shoot things INTO me, baby?" Drugga blinked. "Dis iz cumbinin' violance 'n sex gun 'orrably 'orrably wrong." he grunted. He decided he wanted to kill something, like that thing that took a pot shot at him. "Yo, butch lady, wherez dat big ugly thing dat shootz people?" "Uuhhh.. you mean the guardian? uuuu" "Yah, whatever." A small monitor opened up in front of him. Where there were walls he saw a red image looming up. "Must be sum serta see through wallz thing." He begun moving forward. "Oh yes, yes.... YEEEESSS!!" yelled the voice. * * * * * * * * Turan slowly opened his eyes. It was quiet. His body was covered in sweat and grime. He wondered how long he had sat like this, exausted. His senses slowly came to him, and he heard a few gears shifting. In a sudden act of instinct, he dived to the side, dodging a gigantic blade crashing onto where he stood. He stared at the goliath. He felt the intense energy still fooling around with the room. He figured he might have a chance. He saw it's great rod of death move towards him. Suddenly, he could not move his legs. He could just stare at the metal giant as it prepared to make a decoration on the wall of him. He heard a click as it prepared to fire, and- Suddenly, blasts ricoched off it's back. It began to whirl about as more blasts struck it. Turan got a look at the other party. It was another hulking giant, not as immense as the first, that resembled an Ork. Out of it's mouth came a vibrant "WAAAAAAGH" Several bullets struck the goliath's rod of death, and it exploded into flames. It's legs gave out finally under the endless stream of death, and it finally collapsed. The other metal beast stopped firing after shooting another 2000 rounds into the fallen beast. It's cockpit opened and an Ork dropped out. From the cockpit the word bellowed "No Drugga, I'm about to reach my fourth orgasm!!" Drugga groaned. "Dat thing iz gunna get on ma nervez reeel fast." Turan blinked. "You... saved me.. "Ah did? Koolies, ah guess. 'ven tho yer just a silly fuzzball." Just then, Ken, Mr. Bishounen, a Limping noodles, Resumama and Sephiroth ran through the room. "Drugga!!!" yelled Sephiroth. "Yo, Jaana's bitch." "Jaana?" Resumama asked rather curtley. Turan stood there in shock. Sephiroth's eyes came to him and he was in shock too. "In all my years..." he began. Suddenly, the Ork gear belowed in a femenine voice. "PLEASE DRUGGEY! I CAN STILL ORGASM!!" Drugga slapped his forehead. "Aw, shaddup, bitch!" It stood silent. To be continued. -- The eternal lord of darkness... "Vir... it is a sad truth that as one accumulates power, one loses friends. All you have are those that.. use you.. for what you have. But all this time you have walked through the hallway of power and remained untouched. I can only guess you haven't been paying attention." - Londo, B5 -GM of FF2c -Former ruler of the ffml ICQ UIN# 23424269 IRC Nicks: TheDarkLord, GannondorfDragmire, occasionally Blackthorne System: Amiga 4000/040 Cybervision64 & Opalvision ---INTEL/MICROSOFT FREE---