Subj: [ffml] [MW] Back to the Present, Part I
Date: 99-08-29 18:09:14 EDT
From: patszostak@juno.com
Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com
To: ffml@onelist.com
From: patszostak@juno.com
The jungle of Matango, 600 years after the present (when all this
craziness is taking place). A team of explorers hack through the thick
underbrush, searching for the legendary Mysterious Pagoda of Mystery and
Magic and Mystery.
Adventure Johnny: Wow...this jungle has been undisturbed for years...
Professor Backwater: Yes! And when we find the Pagoda, we'll be famous!
They'll shower us with riches, prestige, and women!!
Adventure Johnny: That may be all well and good for you, Professor, but
it's more than the promise of riches, prestige, and women that drives
this adventurer.
Professor Backwater: Really? Then what does motivate you?
Adventure Johnny: [thinks] Oh, I guess it is those things...nevermind
^_^;;
Riesz XVIII: And here I thought you were about to say something heroic
about looking for adventure.
Adventure Johnny: Oh, yeah! That too! After all, I am Adventure Johnny!
Fearless Explorer! ...especially at times when there's nothing to fear
[looks around] Like now! [strikes fearless pose]
Professor Backwater: I say, what's causing that rustling in the
underbrush?
Adventure Johnny: AIEEE!! [hides behind Riesz XVIII]
Riesz: It's just a mouse or something.
Adventure Johnny: Oh, well in that case... [strikes fearless pose]
Professor Backwater: Let us make haste. According to my
"Ancient-Ruins-Find-o-Matic", the legendary Mysterious Pagoda of Mystery
and Magic and Mystery should be close by.
Adventure Johnny: Is it true that the man who lived in the Pagoda was a
god?
Professor Backwater: Well, according to his autobiography...
Riesz: Hey! What's that off in the distance? It must be the Pagoda!!
The three explorers run through the overgrown jungle towards the large
building that rises high above the tree tops. Eventually they arrive
before the impressive structure.
Adventure Johnny: Wow...it sure has held up well over the years...
Riesz: I'll say! Let's have a look inside!!
Adventure Johnny: I don't know. Are you sure there's nothing to fear in
there?
Professor Backwater: We have to go inside and look around! How else will
we get our pictures on the front of TIME magazine?
Adventure Johnny: We could if we were among the 25 Sexiest People in
Hollywood. [pause] Let's go inside.
Riesz forces the Pagoda's doors open and leads the way inside, Adventure
Johnny fearlessly hiding behind her and Professor Backwater bringing up
the rear, ready to catch Adventure Johnny if he tries to fearlessly run
away from the creepy abandoned building.
Professor Backwater: Well, whoever lived here sure ate a lot of
ramen...and drank a lot of sake.
Adventure Johnny: Hey! Check out this Rumpus Room! I call couch!
Professor Backwater: This is no time to rumpus! We've got exploring to
do!
Riesz: Hey, you guys, come look at this!
The other two explorers follow Riesz up the stairs and into the room
which has a sign proclaiming it to be the Prayer Room. Though the tiles
on the floor are all chipped and broken, and the hanging plants have all
grown out of their pots and have spilled over onto the floor, the Prayer
Room still seems like a holy place; a sanctuary from the craziness which
pervades the rest of the Pagoda. Several full-sized statues of
attractive anime/real life women inhabit the room.
Professor Backwater: I say, these statues certainly are lovely...
Adventure Johnny: That's for sure. I wonder if the guy who lived here
actually knew any of these women.
Riesz: I doubt it, they're all pretty exalted. Raalgon Empresses, Young
Movie Actresses, Redheaded Gear Pilots...HEY!! This one is of my super
great grandmother!!
Adventure Johnny: [looks at Reisz statue] Whew! What a hottie!
Riesz: Hey! Don't talk about my great-great-great-etc., Grandmother that
way!!
Professor Backwater: Children, please. We have far more important things
to figure out. Like why this building was deserted.
Adventure Johnny: Now that you mention it, yeah, he must have left in
quite a hurry. All his stuff's still here!
Professor Backwater: Yes, we'll make a fortune selling them to a museum.
But I can't understand what--say, what is that thing?
Professor Backwater points to a large, round, blue thing which is
currently fast asleep.
Adventure Johnny: [cowering] I don't know!! Should we fear it?!
Riesz: I don't think so. It's so goofy looking.
Adventure Johnny: [stands fearlessly] Alright then!
Riesz: [pokes it with a stick] I wonder what it is...?
Nu: OUCH!! How dare you disturb my nippy nap?!
Adventure Johnny: [hides] Oh God!!
Nu: Now you must face the wrath of...aww, who am I kidding?
Professor Backwater: Oh my goodness! Are you REALLY a Nu?
Nu: I sure am!
Professor Backwater: This is incredible!! Everyone thinks that Nu's are
just a myth. The last reported sighting of one happened more than 600
years ago!
Nu: 600 years?! Wow! I didn't mean to sleep for so long! I was just
resting my eyes!
Professor Backwater: Say, do you know anything about the people who used
to live here?
Nu: Here?
Professor Backwater: The Mysterious Pagoda of Mystery and Magic and
Mystery, in the jungles of Matango.
Nu: Ah, yes. This jungle used to be inhabited by a group of pacifist
mushroom people things. Their civilization was incredibly advanced,
until a young man named "Pat" stumbled upon their village and started
bossing people around. Because of his tremendous alcoholic beverage
capacity, the mushrooms looked to him as their new leader and a new era
of drinking and partying began.
Riesz: Wait, is this the same Pat who led the Moogle Army after Bacca
vanquished Mog?
Nu: The same. Mog was weak, and had lost face among his troops, so he
decided to flee. The moogle army was temporarily leaderless, so Pat
stepped in and took control. He had planned to use the army to take over
the world, but then he got tired of doing that and left the army to go
get something to eat.
Professor Backwater: So that's that. Pat and the mushrooms never came
back to Matango after that, hmm?
Nu: Well, it's not quite that simple. Mog was recently looking for a
General to lead some of his troops, and he remembered Pat from 600 years
ago. Somehow, he traveled back in time to when Pat had just returned to
Matango and offered him the position of General, promising Pat
immortality if he would come to the future. Pat accepted, and most of
the mushrooms either came with him, or abandoned the jungle in search of
a new place to live.
Professor Backwater: Time travel, you say? Extraordinary!! That must be
why you're here!
Nu: Yes, I came here to find the cause of the disturbance in the fabric
of time, but I got tired after climbing all those stairs.
Adventure Johnny: "Disturbance in the fabric of time?" [cowers] Should we
fear that?
Nu: Yes.
Adventure Johnny: AIEEE! [hides]
Nu: There's been too much time travel these days, and my buddies and I
don't like it. I'm going to go find Pat, and bring him back to where he
belongs!
Professor Backwater: Well, we won't keep you, then. It's been an honor
meeting you, Nu.
Nu: Hey, wait a second! You guys are probably more familiar with this
time period than I am, so why don't you help me look for him?
Riesz: Certainly. But if he's a General, then he's moving around even as
we speak, so let's not waste any time looking for him!
Adventure Johnny: Right. [strikes fearless pose] Let's go!
To Be Continued...
--Lt. Pat "Quisinart" Szostak
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Subject: [ffml] [MW] Back to the Present, Part I