Subj: [ffml] [MW] Eternal Life? Wheeee!
Date: 99-06-01 15:54:32 EDT
From: patszostak@juno.com (Patrick Szostak)
Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com
To: ffml@onelist.com
From: Patrick Szostak
The Remote Region of Mosperiburg. An ancient looking pagoda rises up
from a craggy mountain wrapped in fog. Indeed, a suitably forboding
place for any villain. Inside the pagoda, on the top floor, an evil,
powerful looking mystic and a young man are locked in a battle of life
and death.
{Pat}: Simon saaaaaays...raise your right hand!
The mystic raises his right hand.
{Pat}: Simon saaaaaays...hop on one foot!
The mystic starts hopping around on one foot.
{Ring Lord}: Ha! Is this the best you can do, foolish mortal? I laugh
at your Simon Says Calling Abilities!
{Pat}: Oh, yeah? ....wave your arms!
The Ring Lord waves his arms.
{Pat}: Aha! I have you now, Ring Lord!
{Ring Lord}: Bah! Curses! I can't lose! I am invincible!
{Pat}: Sure you are. Looks like your pagoda's mine, as per our little
wager...
{Ring Lord}: It's not fair! You cheated, I know you did!
{Pat}: How dare you question my integrity?!
{Ring Lord}: But our agreement was that the loser was whoever was "out"
first, but you got to do the calling, so there was no *way* you could be
out!
{Pat}: *scoff* We could stand around all day prattling on and on about
who was "right" and who was "a rotten cheating bastard," but that's not
important! All that matters is that you need to get off my property NOW!
{Ring Lord}: Oh, fine! But one of these days....POW! ZOOM! Straight to
the moon!
The Ring Lord disappears in a dramatic puff of smoke. Pat looks around
at his new home.
{Pat}: Now THIS is living! Ahhh, what a prefect place to spend the rest
of eternity...I can't say I care for all those forboding dark clouds and
fog, though...hey, Truffle!
{Truffle}: [waddles onto top floor] Yes, your High Priestiness?
{Pat}: I want to get rid of this oppresively evil atmosphere. We'll need
some sort of...electrified air machine...to move the fog away.
{Truffle}: You mean like a "fan?"
{Pat}: Hmm...yeah, that'd do... Why don't you plant some trees, too?
It'll be just like Matango!
{Truffle}: All right!
{Pat}: And see if you could get some bunnies down there or something.
A moogle messenger runs up the steps onto the top floor.
{Messenger}: *gasp* *pant* I've got a message from Emperor Mog...in
return for the gift of eternal life--
{Pat}: "In return?" "IN RETURN?!" You mean he wants me to repay him
somehow?!
{Messenger}: Yes, he wants you to make war on the Ewoks of Endor.
{Pat}: "Make war?!" What does he think I am?
{Messenger}: His general, remember?
{Pat}: Oh, yeah. Then I guess I really ought to do this whole "war"
thing...
The next day, in the large audience chamber of Pat's Pagoda of Mystery
and Magic and Mystery, Pat has assembled a group of moogles and mushrooms
guys.
{Pat}: As you may know, our good Emperor wishes to subjugate the Ewoks of
Endor for some good luvin', and as the old saying goes "To each his own."
It's not my place to judge the perverted desires of our illustriously
horney leaders, so...uh, um...oh yeah! I swear, Your Honor, that those
gerbils trained *THEMSELVES* in the deadly arts of ninjitsu, and I did
not spend months teaching them all to sneak around and throw those cool
little ninja stars.
{Kamog}: Uh, You Generalness? I thought you were giving us a pep talk...
{Pat}: Shhhh! I've got to convince the judge that this wasn't my fault!
{Kamog}: There's no judge here.
{Pat}: There's not? Woo hoo!
Pat grabs a small cage and opens it, letting three gerbils dressed in
little black pajamas loose on the floor. The three ninja gerbils start
trying to sneak up on each other and kill them with ninja stars and their
wicked bites while the moogles and mushrooms cheer them on.
{Kamog}: Well said, Your Generalness!
{All}: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
**********Pat, the Totally Awesome Dude**********
--High Priest of the Sacred Order of the Cheese in Pants
--5th Decon of the SCG
--Proud Member of LOR
--Recruitment Officer for the CotMoHW
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Subject: [ffml] [MW] Eternal Life? Wheeee!