Subj: [ffml] [MW] Somewhere, over the Rainbow... Date: 00-04-16 20:25:52 EDT From: darklord@compusmart.ab.ca (His Dark Lordship) Reply-to: ffml@egroups.com To: ffml@egroups.com (ffml) It was nightfall on the ocean. The moon shone on the calm waters, mounting it's reflection and declaring it's supremecy over the night. Drugga sat at the edge of the vessel. He couldn't sleep. Something told him that tonight, he should be sitting at the edge, fishing with a fishing rod made out of an oar and a net. That he was. A long oar from the rowboat, a long rope from one of Mad Dawg Sephy's old clothes when he was still Sephiroth, and a net used to catch fish. The night was peaceful. Occasionally a song of a whale would break the waves, or the odd wave would strike the ship, but other than that, eternal quiet. Drugga felt sometime touch his makeshift fishing rod. He pulled the thing up. Inside the net was something shaped like... a dildo? Yes, it was a dildo with several dials and a digital screen. "Wot da fuck iz diz?" he grumbled aloud. Drugga, perplexed, put away his makeshift rod and went to sleep in his cabin. The next day he grabbed Mad Dawg Sephy and his Navigator, a Moogle named Gom. "Awroight, ah found diz weird thingy." Drugga held out the object he found before. "Arrrr! It looks like a Dildo with several dials and a digital screen! Arrr!" growled Mad Dawg Sephy. "Oi." grunted Dragga. "Lemme see that." said Gom. Gom inspected it. "I believe this is the Legendary Porno Trigger." "Da legendary Porno Trigger? Wot?" "Yes, the Porno Trigger. It was created by a man named Mike Screwdriver in late 1940s." "Wot does it do?" "Beats the hell out of me." "Arrr! We must use it to find out!" Drugga grabbed the Porno trigger from Gom. Pointing it off the ship, he fiddled with it for a few seconds. Suddenly, a Vortex appeared before them. "Kewl." grunted Drugga. "Arrr, this portal be odd." The crew was now gathered around the portal. "Well..." grunted Drugga, feeling adventurous, "Da zhipz 'round 'ere 're all played out. Lez go bury our trezzure 'n hop in wun of deez thingz." They all cheered. * * * * * * * The fleet was chopped up. Drugga used the several vessels to make a nifty settlement to build over the treasure. Not only did this give the orks a base for future campaigns, but it also helped the crew build up muscle tone so when they finally went through the portal, they would be dead 'ard. Of course, the lumber they found on the land aided this cause. Soon, the crew of Kaptin' Drugga da Klubba had made a nice little town. Many of the crew, at this point, decided they were gonna settle down and have babies. Drugga liked this. Less people to manage so he could focus more on smashing things. So, in the end, Drugga, Mad Dawg Sephy, Gom, and about twelve other pirates (four moogles, three humans and five orks, to be exact) stood before another portal opened up by the Porno trigger. "Lez see where diz goez." And they stepped through. * * * * * * After a funky travel sequence featuring psychedelic colours and various lines floating about, they emerged at the other site. They were in a small house. A bedroom, to be exact. A large bed had a couple making love in it. From the expression on the male's face, he had just shot his load. Drugga suddenly realized who's face this was. "'ey, Bacca, woz up? 'n howz da Lassie Paladino chick?" The pair slowly stopped their fucking and stared at Drugga and co. "What the hell are you doing here!?!" bellowed Bacca. Drugga shrugged. "You're supposed to be dead!" yelled Bacca. "Oi, so're yooz, bot ya dun see me 'plainin'." The Lady Paladin, by this time, had covered herself in the messy blankets and was frantically looking around the bed for a weapon. "Why are you in such a silly outfit?" grumbled Bacca. He wasn't taking the interrupted sex as bad as the Lady Paladin was. "I'm a Kaptin uv a freeboota squad. Wanna join?" "Hell no." Drugga noticed something. Bacca's pair of swords that he loved were right below his feet. Bacca himself was staring at Drugga rather intently. "Bacca, dood, dun get 'ny 'deaz. Ah beet yer ass twice." "And you were killed by Jaana 2 days after the second time." muttered the Lady Paladin as she pulled up a Wakasashi. He stared at it and made an evil, crazed grin. She then turned to look at Drugga and co. "Arrr, this crazy woman be wanting to kill us." "Oi, ah 'kin beat dat Bacca dood easy, bot dat Lady Paladin, she 'az mad skillz." Bacca chuckled. "You always were full of it, you stupid Ork." "Oi, but I've neva fought dat Lady Paladin der, yooz I've given da Boot legga too twice." "You wanna try for a third?" "Anytoime, thoo ah'll spare ya if yooz tellz me 'ow ta get outta 'ere." "Just out that door there." said Bacca. Drugga's group strolled out the door. Bacca blinked. "Wait a minute... what did I just do there...?" "Why can't I ever get naked without some bad guy seeing me?" grumbled the Lady Paladin. "Hon... I don't know..." -- The eternal lord of darkness... Date: 00-04-17 18:44:56 EDT From: skyhall@hotmail.com (Sky Hall) (alright, I'll play. Incidently, the other time the LP got naked, she had been transported from her bath and landed with Bacca, not a bad guy ;) Bacca shook his head. "It's been ten years, and this freak comes back from outta nowhere to hassle us again?!" Bacca asked of the air. He sat on the side of the bed, feeling the energy return to his body. He was not sure if he was up to this "challenge" Drugga had laid before him. Lady Paladin had grabbed a robe and tied it about her body. She rushed to Bacca's side and held him fiercely. "Bacca, please!" Lady Paladin pleaded, her eyes showing great concern and helplessness. "Don't fight him again. Your body can only take so much damage. The last time you fought him, I thought for sure you would be dead." Bacca sighed. "I know, I know.... But it's a point of honor and ..." Bacca bolted upright, pulling his pants on as well. "Ah! To hell with honor! I have fought for this world, given my last ounce of being, threatened my sanity, and the woman I love, and for what?!" Bacca stormed about the room. He grabbed a tunic and other articles of clothing. "Don't worry, my lady, Drugga shall not be my concern only. This time he has invaded the sanctity of Norland. No stranger may come unbidden to this land, and those that do are put to immediate death. So not only shall I fight him, but the entire army of Norland. And to hell with any who question my status of High Lord of All That Kicks Ass." Lady Paladin looked relieved and smiled at Bacca. "Good. I am glad you are thinking with your head, and not your sword." Bacca looked at Lady Paladin, then at his hand, which gripped his long sword in it's sheath. "Aye, my lady. And I am thinking about our children. I would not want them to witness my fall, or yours." Bacca slung laid his longsword against the wall and grabbed a chainmail shirt from a trunk against a wall. He slid on the armor, then put on a pair of gloves. He then slung the sword on his shoulder and stood facing Lady Paladin, who had by that time put on a white gown and slippers. Bacca stared into her eyes and held her face. "I could not stand to loose you again, my love." "Nor I you," replied Lady. "I must face Drugga," said Bacca. "But not alone. The guards should be able to subdue him and his comrades, especially with my help. Even an ork as powerful as Drugga is no match for the might of Norland." Bacca grinned, Lady returning it. "Yes, I never quite liked that smelly ork." Bacca nodded. "Go now. See to the children and make sure you are all safe. Though I think Drugga came here by chance, worse things could be in store." Bacca leaned forward and kissed Lady's forehead. "Be safe, my love." "I will," said Lady, holding Bacca's hand as it held the side of her face. "Please be careful." She stared hard into Bacca's eyes. Bacca was about to respond, but the seriousness in Lady's look made him stop. She even held his hand in a strong grip. Bacca swallowed. "Don't worry, my lady. I have learned a few new tricks now, and I am sure that Drugga will be no match for me, even if he did come back from the dead." Lady gaved a forced smile. Bacca strolled out of the room, leaving Lady alone with her thoughts. "Guards! Guards! Raise the alarm! We have intruders into Norland!" Soldiers began running down the halls towards Bacca. Some pointed out a window to a courtyard, but Bacca silenced them with an upraised hand. "I know about the strangers. Seal off the courtyard, summon the wizards, and make a search of the valley. I want to know if any more of Drugga's companions have entered Norland." "Yes m'lord!" answered the men, they saluted and rushed off. Bacca went to a window and looked down into the courtyard. The large square had gardens lining it's walls, but a large stone square surrounded by a sand bed. The pale grey, surrounded by the dull yellow, with the dark green seemed to focus the light on Drugga and his companions, who stood in their dark colors upon the stone. As shouts began issuing forth and the sound of running feet began echoing into the courtyard, Drugga and Mad Dawg Seph looked at each other. "Oi, whaz a fargin wuss!" swore Drugga. "Aye!" answered Seph. "Iiii woulda thought this Bacca fella had more guts to fight, not his guards on us. Rrrrr!" "Wellz, lessa see whad dis dhing can take us now." Drugga filled with the Porno Trigger and another vortex opened. Drugga's companions began stepping through. Just then, a set of double doors opened and Bacca came forth, with many soldiers issuing out to surround the courtyard. "What's this?!" exclaimed Bacca. "Wellz, you seez, Bacca-buddy, Iz is bored, and might as well seez what else der iz. Toot!" And Drugga stepped through and was gone. Bacca stood and shook his head. "Asshole." --Sky Date: 00-04-21 16:43:31 EDT From: darklord@compusmart.ab.ca (His Dark Lordship) Reply-to: ffml@egroups.com To: ffml@egroups.com Twas 17-Apr-00, whence Sky Hall didst dost proclaimeth to me... > Bacca stood and shook his head. "Asshole." Drugga burst through, out of the portal, crew in tow. They blinked. "Ware da hell iz we now?" he grunted. They were on an open field. On opposing parts of the field were different groups. One group appeared to be Moogles. A short way aways from them two rabbits were getting it on. The other was humans. A figure stood atop a chocobo. Then, the two groups charged. An immense battle. Drugga switched his view to the moogles. Mog, albiet much, much younger looking, was leading the charge of the Moogles. "Arrr, this be strange. I don't recall a battle like this." Gom squinted. "This appears to be a big battle in the first Moogle War. The two armies clashed, then, slowly spread apart again. A lone Dragoon rushed out into the middle of the two. He was yelling something. Then, Mog stabbed him. A thunderbolt struck down, and the armies slowly dispersed. Drugga squinted. "Wot da hell jus' 'appened!?!" "I believe..." said Gom "That this was on of the last battles in the first Moogle War. The fighting itself would continue for a bit, but basically this disallusioned the armies." "Arrr.. fucking weird..." grumbled Mad Dawg Sephy. "Well.." grunted Drugga. "Derz still lotza dead bodies 'un da field der. Weez could prubably grab sum 'uv dem old wepunz 'n yooz them ta sell back 'ome." THe group cheered as they descended onto the remains. -- The eternal lord of darkness...