Subj: [ffml] [MW] Getting used to things, part 1. Date: 98-11-08 21:35:18 EST From: jandoc@hawaii.edu (Schala) Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com CC: druidkaitlin@juno.com (Kaitlin A. Kubilius) From: Schala [NOTE: I seem to have major problems just getting a "simple" point of view across. I always have to go through my MW char to "think through" my problems, to get my thoughts down, which is one reason Schala has been going nearly insane in the MW lately. And by strange coincidence, it actually adds to her char development pretty well. Hmm...my writing just *may* be causing some problems...] Schala wondered what strange twists of Fate had brought them all to where they were now. If she hadn't done a certain thing, it would be doubtful she would have met Glenn. In fact, she probably might have still been in the camp. If Glenn had not been friends with Cyrus, he might never have met Magus. If Kaitlin hadn't been in a certain place in a certain time, she might not be here with them right now. When you thought about it, you really had to marvel at the way life worked. All it took was split-second timing, a bunch of coincidences, and a choice between two or more things to completely affect the person you were today. If she had been born someone else, what would she be doing right now? If her parents, her friends, all the people she knew, had been different, what would she be like today? You always wondered about what could have been. That was looking into the past. What about the future? How would things be later in life? They had all gone through so many changes since the beginning that it was difficult to know exactly how they had changed and why. But it all had its roots in who you were. Who am I? That determines what problems you'll have, what thoughts you'll think, what emotions you'll feel. Because I am who I am, I am in certain situations, which forces me to make certain choices. There were so many ways to be taken. Were they the right ones or wrong ones? A thought sprang to mind and refused to be driven out: "The end is near..." Schala had felt a dark shadow come and go over the past few days, since Frog had regained his human form, in fact. It were as though his changing back somehow signaled the end of one phase in life and the beginning of another. But it felt like a bad omen, like a warning of what was to come. They had been so happy and peaceful during this time in the forest. She wanted it to never end. But she knew that all things do. Schala's life in Zeal had come to an abrupt end... She glanced at her companions now. Again she marveled the many coincidences that brought them all together now. They were her friends, her companions in times of need, the ones who understood what she was going through and how to help her through it. How would that change in the future? Once they returned to Vector, what would they be doing? In fact, once the war was over, where would they go? To what way of life would they return? In many ways she felt as though they were still children. Because she sensed the differences in everyone's character. Perhaps their experiences had strengthened them, or perhaps they had weakened them. But the fact was that they had all experienced many things, and those memories would be with them for the rest of their lives. Schala wished that she could stop time and remain where they had all been happiest. Her younger days in Zeal had been the best. But the magic kingdom was no more... And alas, time cannot be stopped. Although we pine for the "good old days," change is inevitable. We can let that change defeat us, or we can let it strengthen us. We can learn to adapt, or we can remain stuck in the past that will eventually become just a memory and, as more time goes on, just a fantasy. Schala had met so many others on this journey to find herself. She considered some of them to be among her closest friends. What would she do once they separated and went their own ways? How would she handle that? She hadn't really thought about it. I'll cross that bridge when I reach it, she had often thought before. But that bridge was about to come. Would she cross it safely, or would it burn beneath her feet and let her fall into the depths of the unknown? Then again, wasn't that what life was about? The unknown, the undiscovered country? Blank pages waiting to be written on, a story waiting to be told, a path ready to be traveled? And as she looked up, Schala had a new, determined gleam in her eye. She knew that their small group's separation would come eventually. There was a rule in that big unwritten book of life's laws that all things came to an end. Whether it was tomorrow or ten years from now, it would happen. The question was, would she be able to withstand its blow? Life takes unexpected turns. Even when the bend can be foreseen, it often comes upon us sooner than we think. Or perhaps we simply ignore the warning signs, or hope that things will work themselves out. Whatever your state of mind may be when it happens, the important thing to know is that life goes on. Life goes on...a great, never-ending cycle. Life goes on...and you must choose how to live that life. People come and go, but life goes on. She remembered when she had lost her best friend in the destruction of Zeal... Schala surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye. Glenn, Kaitlin, and many others were important to her. But when the break came, Schala knew she would be prepared for it and accept it. Kaitlin's clear voice suddenly broke through her meditation: "We must return to Vector." And as the druidess' voice echoed the thoughts in her own head, Schala couldn't help but shiver slightly. Vector...the Finale. Journey's End. That phrase once again rang through her mind: "The end is near..." Subj: [ffml] [MW] Getting used to things, part 2 Date: 98-11-10 12:52:39 EST From: Schala Kaitlin had returned in the early morning, and had been naturally surprised and a bit frightened to see a strange man keeping watch over Schala. She had almost zapped him with a spell when she realized he'd been wearing Frog's clothes. And, like he said he would, he gave a brief explanation to her of his past. But he did not tell her of what had passed between him and Schala. But the druidess caught a faint note of reservation in his voice when he talked about Schala. She wondered what had happened while she was gone. The Mystic had returned, obviously. That had to mean something good. But she hadn't wanted to ask more than that. All that took place a week ago. Now they were traveling again, and it was difficult to discern Glenn's and Schala's attitudes toward each other. At first, it was a bit strained. Kaitlin, too, had felt that way. It was just so strange to suddenly have a complete man with them, after all these weeks of not really recognizing his human side. Perhaps, too, she was just a bit afraid of certain events happening over again, even though she knew Frog -- no, Glenn -- would never do anything of the kind. The small bag carrying her herbs came loose from her belt and fell to the ground. She stooped and picked it up. As she did so, Lorinan came to mind. She thought of him, his body lying unconscious in Vector, waiting for her to return in order that his spirit might be called back from limbo. And here she was, taking her sweet time getting back. Suddenly, she made her mind up, and her voice when she spoke was strong and clear: "We must return to Vector." Glenn knew he had been treading on very delicate ground the last few days. He saw how both women shrank from him slightly. It was strange that his human form should cause them to be more repulsed than his frog form. Neither of them had outright turned away from him, but they had a larger personal space surrounding them now in which he was not allowed. But the old feeling of faith had never entirely disappeared, and over time he knew they became re-accustomed to him. Kaitlin had reverted back in a matter of days. Schala was more difficult. Glenn could see she was accepting but wary. There was a look in her eyes that he could not quite understand. But he remained his respectful self, and he felt he was slowly regaining her trust in him. In fact, they had all been talking easily about what one could sense in the forest before all of them had suddenly fallen silent. In the absence of talk, some awkwardness crept back into the atmosphere. Glenn looked at Schala. She had drawn back into a shell again, like she had been when they first left the Moogle camp. Was she afraid of him? Why? The Mystic seemed to feel his gaze on her, and she looked up. When their eyes met, she smiled. But it was a stilted, half-hearted smile. His heart sank as he realized it was very, very wrong of him to feel the way he did... So it was with a start that Kaitlin's voice pierced through the silence. The two of them stopped and turned around, to where the druidess was holding her small pouch of herbs. "Vector?" Glenn said, frowning slightly. He knew his assignment, and he decided to hedge a little. "We are heading in that direction..." Kaitlin felt a resistance coming from Glenn, and in a moment everything suddenly fell into place: their direction of travel, why they were traveling so slowly, the look of relief of his face when she had stopped to perform one of her many rituals. But now that Schala had been seen to, it was time for Kaitlin to take care of her own business. "Yes," she replied. "We must speed up our travel and return as soon as possible. I have a feeling that it may be too late for Lorinan if we delay any longer..." Schala looked surprised. "Lorinan? What's wrong with him?" "He's in a coma. His image has appeared to me several times, saying that I am the only one who can revive him. It's already been about a month, and I fear that he may not survive if we don't hurry." She stood up. "I feel I have mastered my powers enough to cure him..." Glenn gazed at her steadily. She returned his look. It was a battle of wills: He did not want to return, while she did. It was only a matter of whose desire was stronger. And hers was very strong indeed. But it was Schala who interceded. She bowed her head and said quietly, "Of course, we...we must return. I did not know he was in that condition. If I had known, I would have insisted we return immediately..." Her voice trailed off. Glenn faced her slowly and tilted her face up to gaze into his. "Is that what you really want?" he asked softly. She shook her head. "Not really," she answered, also very low. "But I am not thinking of myself. That time has passed. It is time for me to think about others." "And...what about me?" A confused expression crossed her face. "What do you mean?" Schala asked. "Have you...thought about me?" But as he asked the question, he sorely wished he could take it back. He wanted to know, but he didn't want to know, and he couldn't figure out which was worse. She looked straight at him, and for the first time in the past week she was completely honest and open with him. "Yes, I have...very often, in fact." "And of what have you thought?" He put a hand on her arm. "The future..." She lowered her eyes. "I know there will come a time when we will separate. Our time together must end. I knew it was coming. Kaitlin's desire to return now facilitates that separation. I don't want it to happen, but...it will...We all have responsibilities to take care of, and we must face them." Glenn's eyes saddened. "And so...the two of us...that will end when we return to the city, as well?" She couldn't look at him. "I...If you wish to stay, I'm sure Bacca will be happy to have a skilled swordsman in his army." But he was persistent. "And what about you? I have the choice to stay or leave. What would you rather I do?" Schala fidgeted slightly. "I did not realize my opinion would have an bearing on your actions..." He lowered his voice more. "They do. Believe me, they do." "I...I..." She had difficulty finding her words. "I...would want you to...to stay..." She looked up at him, and his heart gave a leap. Without knowing quite what he was doing, he grabbed her in a tight embrace. At that moment, he knew the barriers between them had been broken. Glenn released her and turned to Kaitlin, who had remained a discreet distance away. Now she approached them. "We will travel as fast as possible, but it will still take several days to reach the city," he said. He came closer to her and spoke softly. "I see you understand what I have been doing all these weeks. I...If I had known about your friend...but I wanted to..." Kaitlin stopped him with a smile and shake of her head. "Don't worry about it," she said. "I have a feeling the Darklord put you up to this, whatever your exact instructions were. And seeing what has happened during this time, truth be told, it was better that Schala go through this experience." "Please, say nothing about it to her..." Kaitlin nodded. "Of course. You can trust me to silence." They rejoined the Mystic and started off again. Subj: [ffml] [MW] The Meeting with Bacca Date: 98-11-15 07:19:52 EST From: Schala Well, in light of recent happenings, this post seems rather inappropriate, but I already have several people breathing down my neck, so here goes. *LOL* (Chronological Note: Schala and Kaitlin had stayed at most a couple days at the Moogle camp, while Lady was apparently stuck there for a month. All the posts of Frog and co. have been happening while Lady was still prisoner. Now this post happens after Lady is rescued, and as Bacca is going to meet the Dark Alliance.) Bacca was pensive as he and his delegation set out from Vector. He knew this meeting was an important one, and could be a turning point in the war. But something just felt *wrong* about it all. Perhaps it was just his wariness coming into play; he didn't trust the Moogles one bit. But, well, he had agreed to this meeting, so he was going. Still, it was his motto to be prepared, and he had sent out several scouts to spy out the course ahead. So far they found nothing, but Bacca refused to let his guard down. A few days passed without incident. Then the scouts returned one afternoon with a report. "Sir," the scout said, "we have sighted the remains of a camp a few hundred meters ahead." Bacca frowned slightly and stood up. "Any indication of who might have used it?" he asked. "None, sir." "Hmm." He mounted his chocobo. "Let's check it out." He rode off, the scouts following behind him. "I hear something," Glenn said suddenly. The women looked up. "I don't sense anything..." Kaitlin said. Schala cocked her head and looked inquisitively at him. Glenn looked around, wondering if he were just imagining things. Then the sounds came distinctly: the steady rustling of several chocobos. The three of them stopped in alarm. "Do Moogles use chocobos?" Glenn asked, drawing his sword. "I don't care," Schala said, and she rushed into the trees and ducked down behind the tall undergrowth. "Hmm...I'd do the same, but we're too close to Vector, and I'm sure no one's been following us," Kaitlin said. "I'll bet it's just a routine patrol sent out by Bacca." The chocobos rode into view. Kaitlin smiled, and Glenn sheathed his sword in relief. It was Bacca. The High Lord brought his chocobo to a halt. He looked suspiciously at Glenn, until he saw Kaitlin standing near him. Bacca quickly dismounted. "Kaitlin!" he exclaimed. "But who...?" "This is Frog," Kaitlin said quickly. "His name is Glenn, actually...He was transformed into a frog, but now the spell has been removed." Bacca smiled. "Well, now!" He offered his hand, which Glenn shook. "Sir Glenn, I congratulate you on your fortune." The swordsman smiled as well. "I thank you, High Lord," he said. Bacca turned to the Druidess and hugged her warmly. "My god...you don't know how worried I was about you, especially when reports came back that you were no longer at the Moogle camp..." "We're fine," Kaitlin replied, hugging him back. "Schala, it's only Bacca," Glenn called while the other two talked. "Come out." Schala had seen Bacca arrive. She had moved so that she was a beside the chocobos, from where she now emerged. The Henricksons still mounted saw her and nodded. The Mystic walked slowly to where the other three stood. "Is Schala with you?" Bacca was asking Glenn anxiously. Schala stopped a ways behind the High Lord, a little ashamed at hearing her name. Glenn nodded. "She's right behind you," he murmured. Bacca turned around. She bowed her head as he came toward her. He stood in front of her. "How are you?" he asked softly. His tone was more serious, more formal. He was glad to see she was safe, but something in her manner made him feel different in his welcome approach. The Mystic looked up at him. His eyes were gentle, but as she looked into them, her own saddened. She couldn't keep the gaze. She looked away. Bacca was startled. With that one movement, Schala seemed to increase the already distant gap he felt was between them. Something was very different about her. He sensed that she was purposely isolating herself, keeping him away. With one hand holding her upper arm, he turned her face toward him. He fixed a long, level stare into her eyes. He was trying to draw her out, to bring her out of the shell in which she had encased herself. What was she hiding? The barrier blocking him out was something he could not understand. His expression was filled with concern. Schala felt herself in turmoil. Why was he doing this? She remembered a time when the sight of him filled her with an unknown emotion. Those feelings churned within her now, mixed with other emotions that ran counter to them. They fought with each other, tugging her soul in opposite directions, each trying to take control, trying to tell her that *they* were the right things to feel... Because now, another person's image had started to replace Bacca's as the center of her emotional loop that she did not quite comprehend... She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear the confusion in her mind. She wrenched herself away and stepped back, but he came forward and caught her. Schala raised her arms and ducked her head, as if to defend herself. Bacca brought her close and embraced her tightly. "I'm glad you're safe," he said with feeling. Schala could only stand there, her arms crushed against her chest. She had a strange expression on her face that Frog and Kaitlin could not understand. Glenn felt a sudden surge in his chest, as if his heart were being stung by a millions needles, each one more painful than the other. He forced himself to remain calm, but there was no longer any denying how he felt... "I'm glad...to be back," the Mystic finally said, her voice hoarse. Yes, she *was* a different person. Bacca felt a tenderness toward her that was not unlike a father's concern for a daughter. He sensed a distress that she was eager to unload, but for some reason could not. Something had happened while she was gone. Bacca released her. Glenn and Kaitlin came up quietly behind him, and Glenn now spoke. "Is there anything you wish us to do?" he asked. The High Lord faced them. "Yes," he said, his voice more normal as he addressed all three of them. "I would like you all to return to Vector as soon as possible. I am on my way to meet the Alliance leaders, and I don't know what will come of it. Whatever the result, I want you to be in the city in case anything happens." Glenn inclined his head. "Of course, my lord," he said formally. Bacca turned to Kaitlin. "Lorinan is still unconscious," he said softly. "If you could...?" The druidess raised a hand. "Say no more," she said. "I know, and I have been preparing for that since I found out what happened. I will try my best." He nodded, then faced Schala. His voice lowered even more. "There is something that disturbs you," he said. "It pains me to see you like this...We'll talk when I return." She looked at him, then slowly nodded. He smiled. "I'm glad this is settled," he said in a louder voice. "I will see all of you again in Vector. I'm sorry we can't give any of you a ride back..." "It's all right," the three of them said in unison, almost immediately. They glanced at each other, startled. Bacca frowned inwardly. They obviously didn't want to get back to the city anytime soon. Then he shrugged and mounted his chocobo. "We should be back in a week or so. I'll see you then." He nodded at them, and they rode off. The group stood there, watching them go. Then Kaitlin spoke. "We're almost at Vector..." she murmured. Schala sighed. Glenn asked, "Does it seem so...odd...to you?" The druidess nodded. "Even though I want to return to the city, it's just that we've been at peace for so long...away from the war, here in the forest...it all seems so far away..." "So...unreal..." Schala whispered. They remained there for some time, thinking their own thoughts. Finally Glenn stirred. "We may as well head back," he said. "He'll be expecting to see us there." The women glanced at each other. They had the same look in their eyes: They didn't really want to go back, but they had to, because if they didn't, Bacca would think something else had happened to them. And they both also felt a little guilty for causing Bacca to worry, first when they had gotten captured, and again when they disappeared from the Moogle camp. The Mystic sighed again. "Let's go," she said. Her voice held a strange tone of finality. The three of them started walking toward Vector. The way to meet your fate is to try your hardest to avoid it. --- Wilma Jandoc aka Enya *ICQ: | "We Immortals can't afford to waste jandoc@hawaii.edu *14710984 | our tears on their brief little nabiki_tendo@geocities.com | lives. We must think of ourselves." http://www2.hawaii.edu/~jandoc | - Masato, http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9800 | "The Mermaid's Scar"