Subj: [ffml] [MW] Frog's confession Date: 98-11-04 14:01:40 EST From: jandoc@hawaii.edu (Schala) Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com From: Schala On Mon, 2 Nov 1998, His Dark Lordship wrote: > Schala looked up. > > "Who was this leader?" she asked finally. > > Frog sighed. > > "That... is for another day." > Her heart went out to him. To have seen a friend die, and to be cursed with such a form...it would have been too much for *her* to bear, had she been in that situation. "Is there a way for you to change back?" she asked. "That...is still to be seen," he said slowly. Schala pondered a bit. Frog's story explained much, but still...there was a feeling of something unresolved. Why was he so hesitant to reveal his past? Was there something he was ashamed of? She couldn't see how that could be. Unless it was guilt, the thought that he could have done something to stop Cyrus' death. She kept her eyes on him. "What is it that you hide?..." He turned away. She came up to him. "Frog, I know how it's like to keep something hidden inside you. You saw what happened to me when I did that. You've been such a comfort to me, I don't think I would have made it without you. I would've been dead long ago if not for you...Why can't you tell me what bothers you?" He shut his eyes. "Tis something that would cause much pain for all involved..." She stepped away with a look of disappointment and defeat. "I can't force you to say anything," she said, her voice quiet. "But I know what it's like to lose someone you truly care about..." Frog stole a glance at her. He could not mistake the mist forming in her eyes, and he knew whom she was thinking about. At that moment, he felt the greatest pain and indecision in his life. Should he tell her, and risk her reaction? Would he put her trust in him on the line to tell her the truth? He couldn't bear to see her go through that...but also, by keeping silence, he was perpetuating the hurt that had already gone on for so long... Whichever way he chose, he would cause her to suffer... "The leader of the Mystics was a man named Magus." Frog's voice was soft, choked. He took a deep breath, knowing that this was the point of no return... Schala faced him slowly. She sensed so much conflict between them and within them that it was difficult to pinpoint its cause. They were two conflicting energies vying to see whose turmoil would outweigh the other, whose problems demanded more sympathy. And suddenly she felt guilty...suddenly her quiet demands seemed very unreasonable. She opened her mouth to say something, but Frog was already continuing the tale. "We did not know who he was or from whence he came," Frog said quietly. "We heard only that a new and more powerful leader had emerged. After Cyrus fell, he transformed me. I was so stunned and confused by the spell that I fell off the mountain...I was sure I would die...But I did not... "When I realized my new form, I swore to never rest until I defeated Magus. But he was powerful, and to do that, I needed much more training...so for ten years I lived in isolation, returning to the kingdom of Guardia only once, when I discovered the queen had been kidnapped. "Through twists of Fate I finally met Magus on the North Cape. I held the Masamune in my hands, brought to me with even more power by friends of mine...the sword which alone could defeat the magician..." Frog's voice had become very distant. "I shall always remember the look in his eyes as he turned to me...I saw no remorse, no feeling in them...they burned with a cold look of hatred and, for a brief moment, despair as he saw the sword I held. There was a chilling aura about him, one that emanated bitter hatred... "My friends stood back...then knew this would be a battle between the two of us alone...a battle to the death..." His eyes flashed as his mind relived the scene. "The Masamune lowered his defenses. His magic was still very powerful, and nearly finished me off...but the sword had enhanced abilities and helped protect me against Magus' Dark Force... "Finally, I struck a blow at his midsection and he fell back, bleeding freely...I stood over him and felt this incredible wave of power fill me...But it was the burning sensation of Hate...the hate that I had carried for so long... "And in that state of mind I drew my arm back to deliver the final blow...and...he opened his eyes and I saw...hopelessness...defeat...I saw him change from a cold, frozen being to one who is finally releasing the emotions he thought no longer existed... "And...he pleaded with me...he said he knew this would be his end, but he asked of me one favor. I listened to him, and I...agreed... "Even Magus' suffering was too much for me to bear for long...and so, in my single act of mercy, I took the Masamune and cut off his head with a quick blow..." Schala remained silent. Frog closed his eyes. "Only now can I freely admit that Magus was a great warrior," he continued. "I think about him with respect. He was a great adversary. Had he not been so cold, I would have known this sooner. Or perhaps, if my mind had not been clouded with emotion, I would have understood..." She looked at him. "This favor...what was it?" He bowed his head, reluctant to go on. He fiddled with the hilt of his sword uncomfortably. Tell her, his mind said. His heart fought against the suggestion. But as he looked into those large, wondering eyes that were filled with concern, he knew he *had* to. It was his promise... Frog's voice dropped even lower. "I...I promised...that I would find the one dearest to his heart...and save her from death..." Frog felt ill as he spoke. "I learned of his history...he had been pulled from his own time and ended up in the kingdom of Guardia, nearly 13,000 years forward. He...had been fighting to return to his home...but I, in a rash of anger, would not let my heart be turned...not until I had at last defeated him. "As soon as he fell, I felt a heaviness in my heart, a feeling that I had done a great wrong...a sin for which I have tried to atone time and again... "And so...I vowed...I would protect...his sister...to the death..." He looked up at her, forced himself to look straight in her eyes. "And I...have kept my promise...to your brother, Janus..." The silence that followed was tense. Frog could see no reaction other that a slight widening of her eyes as she stared at him. What would she do now? He kept his gaze locked on her. Would she understand and forgive, or would she revenge her brother's death? The moment of truth was a long, silent one... She could only look at him as the everything slowly filtered through her mind. Her brain was reeling. "Janus?" she finally said in a gasping, choked voice. "Could he...? And you...?" Words failed her, coming only in short, incoherent phrases. There was too much to think about, too much to ask... Schala went very still. After all this time, the one who was the link to finding her brother had not been some far-away person in some unknown land, but had been right here. "You...fought him?" But even as she asked the rhetorical question, the realization that he was dead was slowly starting to make some kind of sense. She had finally found out his fate... Janus was gone, gone from the mortal realm...she would never see him again, never watch him grow up, never be able to guide him as he discovered his magic abilities. She would not be able to comfort him when the Black Wind howled...but she no longer needed to, for he was in a place that the Wind would never reach... "The Black Wind..." she whispered. Never again would they be each other's comfort in times of uncertainly, never again would she have to protect him from the frightening power that their mother had unleashed...Never again would he be exploited for personal gain... Janus had found peace... In the back of her mind had always been the thought that he might be dead, but she had pushed it back, refusing to believe it until she had proof. Now she knew for sure. She didn't know what hurt more -- never knowing someone's fate, or knowing they were gone for all time... "Janus...is gone..." The words were almost incredulous, denying... She was oblivious to the tears that fell from her eyes and gleamed in the light of the fire. Frog watched her carefully. Now she was a statue, unmoving. He saw her cry. He couldn't bear to see such shock and pain that it paralyzed a person. Frog stood up, but she made no move. He felt that anything he could say right now would be horribly inadequate. Slowly he walked away. He sat under a tree where he couldn't see her anymore. He leaned his head against the trunk and closed his eyes. What had he done? Had he done the right thing? Could he have told her in another way? In frustration over these thoughts, he unsheathed his sword and stabbed it repeatedly into the ground. Frog bowed his head so low it nearly touched his chest. He wasn't aware when he finally fell asleep, his hand clutched tightly around the hilt. When he returned to camp in the morning, Schala was gone. Subj: [ffml] [MW] Time alone Date: 98-11-04 22:56:55 EST From: Schala The forest floor was unsatisfactory. Schala needed a new view of things. So she searched for the highest tree and climbed it. No one would find her here. She sat. And sat. And sat. She did not even think. Her mind was so confused that, as a last resort, she had shut off all conscious thought. She now had a blank slate, waiting to be written on, then wiped clean away again. A sick feeling had begun in the pit of her stomach last night, and now it had grown into something almost like a cramp. She pulled her knees up. It was *not* a good feeling at all. Schala looked out over the forest. She saw the tops of the trees making a thick canopy that hid everything else from view. Somewhere, somewhere below that density were her friends, who were probably looking for her...but she hoped they weren't. Because this was what she needed. An escape... But she still retained a tie to the real world. If she looked below, she could still see the ground. Seeing the earth gave her comfort. It let her know she still had her sanity. She could always return to it from her isolation. As she looked down now, she saw a flash run just below her. It was Frog. She became grim. Schala thought she heard him call her name... "Where are you?..." His voice faded into the distance. The feeling rose up again and choked her chest until she wanted to vomit. She tried to think. Why had she left camp? She just couldn't face Frog after what he had told her...Because it had verified so many things. It had told her that Janus' anger, which she had always felt from when he was very young, had finally taken hold of him and changed him into an evil being. The sun rose, filling the sky with pastel reds and yellows and purples. A pair of birds alighted on a nearby branch. They sang a duet that started off low, then increased in volume until it was a joyful melody. They finished their song and flew off, together, into the sky. She could not blame Frog for fighting him. Janus...remorseless, cold...Why had he warred with the kingdom? Why had he killed Cyrus and transformed Frog? Had there been a malicious humor in him? Her eyes saddened as she realized it was true... The Black Wind... But then Alfador came to mind. Alfador, the cat who had been Janus' constant and loyal companion. Alfador had loved Janus. All animals had, in fact. There had been something in her brother's character that attracted animals to him. She remembered the lack of fear the creatures had shown towards him. She remembered how his face lit up whenever he was surrounded by them. Nothing else had given him such happiness... Now at its peak, the sun blazed through the leaves and made patches of light on the ground. The heat was almost burning, increased by the brightness of the light. The forest was still, the sounds were few. The creatures seemed to be taking a midday rest. There had to have been some small streak of love and kindness within her brother. Animals sensed that very easily. She herself had never been able to be as friendly with the animals; it had always taken her quite some time before gaining their trust. With Janus, that trust had come easily. There had been something that he had had, and which she did not. Something that knew how to love, despite the chilling black wind that had frozen the rest of his soul. And away from that, the darkness had finally taken hold... Schala sighed. Why was there so much darkness in all of them? And why did it so easily overshadow the goodness? Why was it so difficult to defeat? Just as she had seen the streak of darkness that was in Frog...The evil that had led to death... The sun hung just above the horizon, painting the sky with an orange hue. It was a ball of blazing red. It sank slowly, as if unwilling to end the day. The last bit of the giant orb became a tiny dot that gave a final flash of light before disappearing behind the mountains. No...*Frog* wasn't evil...Janus had been. But Schala shook her head. No, she couldn't believe that either. Because she knew there had been goodness in his heart. It wasn't their fault...it was hers... A tear fell from her eye. It was her fault; it was all her fault. If she hadn't been working with the Mammon Machine, the gate would have never opened. Janus would never have been pulled through. It was because of her that her brother was dead. The guilt, the sadness, the feeling of responsibility built up within her. She laid her head on her knees and cried. The silvery moon journeyed overhead. It seemed to gleam down sadly. Each star, too, had a melancholy twinkle. But against the background of a darkened sky, they provided comfort for troubled souls. The paradox resulted in a feeling of peace quite unlike any that had ever been felt before... Near dawn, a strong wind came up, rustling the leaves around her. The limb she sat on, though it was sturdy enough to hold her, wavered roughly. For a spine-tingling moment, she was suspended between earth and sky, wondering if she would crash to the ground of if she would soar through the heavens... Her heart skipped a beat as the tree, which had been at first a sanctuary, was now a threat to her life... And in that moment, she knew. She knew she could not let this set her back. The past was the past, and even though she quite possibly had the power to change things, she would not do so. There was, perhaps, a reason for what had happened. And who knew what she might affect by going back in time? No...she must let it be. The wind died down, and the tree became its solid self again. It marked the end of an era for her. She had found Janus at last... And now she had to let him go. With a slight look of sadness on her face, Schala climbed down the tree. She closed her eyes and walked, following the tug of her heart. When she stopped and opened her eyes, she found herself near a cliff. Schala knelt down in the dew-covered grass and piled up a small mound of stones. She looked out over the cliff and saw the darkness that covered the landscape. The darkness that had clouded so many hearts. Daylight began appearing over the horizon. At first a dark blue, it became lighter and lighter. It spread over the land and revealed that which had been obscured by the night. She bowed her head. The Dreamstone began glowing. A gentle rain fell on her as she closed her eyes and released her emotions into the stones, the small mound set in memory to her brother. When she looked up again, it was midmorning. Her heart was different from how it was before. It had been emptied of its heaviness and filled with a calm acceptance. The memories she locked within it no longer hurt to remember. She stood up. With a last glance at the stones, she said in a soft voice: "Farewell...Janus..." Schala slowly returned to Frog and Kaitlin. Subj: [ffml] [MW] Waiting for Schala Date: 98-11-04 23:29:38 EST From: Schala "Where could she have gone?? Why can't we find her?!" Frog was pacing back and forth. Kaitlin watched him, feeling a little guilty at her deception. She had sensed Schala's presence near a tree, but she didn't tell him. He had given her the gist of what had happened last night that had caused Schala to run off yet again. This time, though, Kaitlin felt it would be better for the Mystic to be alone. "Don't worry," she said quietly. "She'll show up. I know it." He stopped pacing and faced her. Something in her calm look made him hang his head. "I am sorry," he said. "I seem to be waking you up in the middle of the night a lot lately..." She smiled. "Don't worry," she repeated in a lighter tone. "And besides, it was already morning when you woke me up." "I...I hope she is all right..." "She is. Don't worry." "We will have to remain here until she returns." "Of course. I understand that." Kaitlin stood up. "In the meantime, I'll need to collect some herbs that I saw growing in this part of the forest. Frog...please don't worry." He gave a small smile. "I will try not to." "And don't worry about me either. I won't go far." *I'm starting to sound like a parrot,* she thought with a smile. She looked at him. "What will you do?" Frog's face became grim. "There is only one thing I can do," he said. "Wait for her." The entire day passed. No sign of Schala. Kaitlin returned late in the afternoon to find a fire already built and Frog staring into it. She said nothing as she sat across from him and sorted through her plants. Night fell. By the time the druidess went to sleep, Frog was still sitting. Sitting and waiting. His face was wooden, expressionless. Now it was Kaitlin who was worried. Perhaps she would never return... The night passed. Somehow Frog managed to fall into a fitful sleep. Schala's face haunted him. He was terrified that some horrible fate had befallen her. Nightmares of her getting eaten by wild creatures or -- worse yet -- being recaptured by the Moogles all made him wake up in terror. Then he would look around, see that she hadn't returned, then fall back asleep to dream more about Schala... He dreamt that it was winter. Schala was walking on a frozen lake, when suddenly, the ice cracked and she fell in. Frog rushed onto the ice. He looked down into the freezing waters and frantically called her name. "Schala...Schala..." She floated to the surface, but she was nowhere near the hole. She pressed her face to the underside of the ice. He saw her lips form silent words... "Frog...help...me..." But even as she pleaded for help, she was rapidly sinking. Sinking into the dark depths of the lake. And as he could do nothing but watch, the feeling of helplessness within him was greater than he could bear... A second day passed. Frog insisted on accompanying Kaitlin when she went out to gather more plants. She did not object. She saw that he needed to do something to keep his mind off Schala. The druidess wasn't surprised when she noticed him concentrating on the ground and plant life more than just searching for herbs. Frog constantly blamed himself. He shouldn't have told her...but if he hadn't, she would have always been wondering. It wasn't right to keep it a secret forever. But now that she knew, she had gone off. And she didn't come back. Would she ever come back? Did she hate him? Could he have told her better? How was she feeling now?... The unanswered questions went on and on... Subj: [ffml] [MW] Frog's transformation Date: 98-11-05 18:36:50 EST From: Schala It was dark when Schala slowly approached the camp. She felt vague surprise at seeing them still there. For some reason, she thought they would have moved on without her. But no, that wasn't like Frog. Deep in her heart, she knew he was waiting for her. That he would wait for her forever for her to return... And she...would have done the same... She didn't see Kaitlin around, which was strange. Frog was protective of both women, and he would never have let the druidess go off by herself. Schala came up quietly behind Frog. She knelt and touched him gently on his shoulder. He swiveled around quickly. A look of intense surprise, relief, and joy appeared on his face. He stood up and so did she, and Frog embraced her tightly. "Schala...I...you don't know how I worried about you," he said, his voice faint. "I thought you would never return..." "I'm sorry...Truly, I am...I shouldn't have gone off...It's my fault..." They remained like that for a few moments, each of them so happy at this reunion that it overflowed their hearts... But soon Schala got a strange feeling, a feeling that this was perhaps more intimate than normal. She sensed the tenderness, the concern coming from him, and it affected her strangely. She became very aware of his arms around her, of her face next to his. Schala pulled away and looked at him. Suddenly she was unable to meet his eyes. She smiled but turned away, feeling a faint blush come up to her cheeks. After the intial relief that she was all right, Frog, too, felt very odd. For some reason he thought he shouldn't be embracing her like this. He let her go at the same time she pulled away. He glanced at her, but she wouldn't look at him. He stepped away from her, suddenly feeling very awkward. "I am glad you are safe," he said softly. "I was afraid...you would not return..." "Why not?" she asked, still not looking at him. "Because of what I did...I thought...you would hate me..." He took a deep breath. What would she say? Slowly, she met his eyes. "I thought about it a lot during the two days I was gone," she began. "I don't blame you at all. It's not your fault. In fact, if you had never told me, I would have never known." She sighed deeply. "There is so much darkness within everyone. I hoped to protect Janus from that. But the Black Wind affected him, and in the end..." She shrugged. "Whether it was better for him to have escaped Zeal or not, I will never know. But at least he has found his peace...I hope one day to find mine... "I was sitting high up in a tree, looking out at the forest. The canopy was dense and difficult to see through. It was just what I wanted...I wanted to escape from everything..." She smiled at the memory. "But that was part of the reason why I had so much conflict within me in the first place. Because I hid it where I could not find it. And it grew...until I finally released it... "I've come to terms with everything...I think...with myself, with Janus...I've finally let him go..." Schala faced Frog. "And I don't hate you either. On the contrary, I..." She came to a stop and bowed her head, feeling another blush creep up. Her heart was bursting with things to say, but she held them back. He was looking at her questioningly. She hurried on. "On the contrary, I'm thankful to you," she said. "You've helped me so much during this time...Because of you, I...I have found reason to live, to *really* live, again..." Schala came closer to him. "Thank you, Frog...for everything." She kissed him gently on the cheek. A faint glow made her look up. To her amazement, Frog was surrounded by a white light that got brighter and brighter. She raised her arms to protect her eyes and took a few steps away. He bowed his head and didn't move, just let the light absorb him. For a split second, the light completely obscured him and then, almost with a pop, disappeared. Schala peeked carefully, then put her arms down. And stared. In Frog's place was a human man! His brown hair reached to his ears, with a lock falling over his forehead. He wore a kind expression on his face. He seemed to be rather muscular, but with his baggy clothing she couldn't tell. She took another step backward. "Who...who are you?" she asked, half demanding, half in awe. The man stepped forward. "My name is Glenn," he said. "This was my form before I was changed into a frog." "I...How...?" She was at an utter loss for words. He nodded at her. "I understand," he said gently. "Before your brother died, he asked of me one favor -- that which I have already told you. In order that I might keep my promise, he put one last spell on me: that my form should be broken only with a kiss from his sister. If he had not done so, I would have changed back upon his death." Schala's eyes widened. If this was true, then was this the only reason he...? "But...all this time...you...?" Glenn shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders. "Please listen and understand me, and know that I speak the truth. I felt I owed it to Magus to fulfill his last request -- to the death, if need be. If my only purpose had been to regain my human form, I would not be here now..." She looked deep into his eyes for a long, long time, searching for the truth within them. But she knew it was true. He might have asked her a long time ago -- but he didn't. He had stayed with her, journeyed with her, kept her safe. He had worried about her and protected her. He had cared for her in a way no man had ever done before. He was the most wonderful person she had ever known... Glenn looked at her, trying to figure out what she was feeling. He saw the gentleness and trust in her eyes. He took her face in his hands and studied her carefully. She smiled, and so did he. He brought his face closer to hers... But Schala suddenly turned away. "I...There's...a lot to think about now," she said, her voice hoarse, uncertain. "I understand." He could not expect her to feel the same as always. "Will this change things between us?" he asked straight out. She faced him. "I...I don't know," she said quietly. "I've never...had this happen to me." She gave a small laugh. "Whatever you decide, I will honor it." "I know..." A spasm crossed Glenn's face as the thought that he might lose her completely crossed his mind. "Schala...I...I..." He could not say the words. "I...don't want to see you hurt...I would never do that..." She bit her lip. "Frog...I mean, Glenn..." She suddenly smiled. "It's going to take some time to get used to that." He laughed. "For me, as well." She bowed her head, and he released her. "How will you explain this to Kaitlin?" Schala asked. "I am not quite sure. I...may as well give her an abbreviated version of the truth." "Where is she now, anyway?" "Doing a moonlight ritual." He gestured. "She went off in that direction. But it is best to not disturb her." Schala nodded. "Of course." She looked around. "I...I'm tired...I think I'll go to sleep." Glenn nodded and quickly set out her bedding. She lay down and looked at him. She said quietly, "Thank you again...for everything..." He gave a lopsided smile. "It is my duty," he said just as softly. He watched as she relaxed and fell asleep. The way to meet your fate is to try your hardest to avoid it. --- Wilma Jandoc aka Enya *ICQ: | "Life can only be understood jandoc@hawaii.edu *14710984 | backwards. But it must be lived nabiki_tendo@geocities.com | forwards." http://www2.hawaii.edu/~jandoc | - Binkley, http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9800 | "Bloom County"