Subj: [ffml] [MW] Kaitlin's worries Date: 98-10-29 07:08:59 EST From: jandoc@hawaii.edu (Schala) Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com From: Schala The next few days passed slowly for Kaitlin. She was troubled, and she didn't quite know how to deal with it. Should she ask...? Or should she leave it alone? She left Frog and Schala as they were setting up camp to be by herself for awhile. She needed to think things out. She had so many things on her mind. First was that old fortress where Hwer had ambushed her. It was an incredible place, full of magic, one of the old areas where druids might have once convened, perhaps. She had felt the power flowing from there. Touching the stones had given her a kind of rush. She must visit it later, perhaps after the war. Second was what Hwer had said. She was nothing without her magic stones, he had declared. That troubled her. She fingered the Darklord's medallion, which Hwer had dropped when he had gotten hit by his own blast. She had gotten along without both the medallion and the Elfstones for a long time. In fact, it was only recently that Lorinan had brought them from Walker Boh. She had trained her powers without their influence. She knew what she was capable of, what her inherent abilities were. So why did that bother her so...? And last...was perhaps the thing most on her mind. When she and Schala had joined their telepathic powers, she had seen disturbing images and felt frightening emotions. Kaitlin had felt a repressed hostility and anger within the other woman. She hadn't been able to look at Schala the same since that time. She wondered if the Mystic had noticed the slight change in Kaitlin's attitude. Hate...destruction...chaos...that was what had filled the druidess' mind, that was the energy that had flowed from Schala. The image of a sharp dagger dripping with blood -- *her* blood -- was something she could not forget. There was a conflict within the Mystic that was eating away at her. She knew how that felt. She herself had felt that way since that stupid thing with Springer...but it was nowhere near as hostile as Schala's emotions. And for the first time in her life, she was afraid of Schala... When Kaitlin returned to camp, Frog was gone and Schala was clearing up the area. The Mystic looked up and smiled. Kaitlin managed a weak smile in return. The druidess felt uncomfortable. The silent atmosphere seemed to be thick with tension. Kaitlin started to sweat. "Where's Frog?" she asked casually, hoping her voice wasn't shaking. "Getting some wood," she answered. She didn't know what else to say, so she just sat down and stared off into the trees. She concentrated on a tree ahead of her, studying the roughness of the bark, the gentle swaying of the leaves -- subtle signs that would tell her so much. About what, she did not know. That was always a mystery. No one knew what a tree might reveal, either about itself or about its surroundings. That was why druids studied nature. There were so many secrets to unlock, but finding the way to do so took time and understanding. She still had much to understand. Then again, there were some things she wasn't sure she *wanted* to understand. Like Schala... Kaitlin's eyelids drooped. Soon she was fast asleep. She was awakened by a gentle nudge on her shoulder. "Kaitlin...get up," a voice said above her. She didn't want to. She felt so comfortable that she just turned over onto her side, to get away from that voice and get back to sleep. Another nudge. "Kaitlin, please..." The voice was urging, insistent. Finally she opened her eyes. As she did so, she realized she was now lying down, with a blanket over her. It was nighttime. She sat up in surprise. "How...? Frog!" He was kneeling beside her, an anxious look on his face. "What's wrong?" "It's Schala...she has gone off again...I do not know where she is. I did not wish to disturb you, but I think you could find her best..." She frowned. "What do you mean, 'again'?" she asked. Frog shook his head. "'Tis too long a tale to explain now. Please...you must find her. I...am worried..." The same feeling rose within the druidess as she got up. Her senses became alert. "Let's go," she said. They found her kneeling among the trees, her head bowed. Kaitlin thought she recognized what Schala was doing. It was a druidic meditation ritual -- or at least an incomplete version of it. She saw the small circle of stones, the design on the ground. Apparently Schala had been trying to set it up, then had failed for some reason. "Wait here," she told Frog softly. He nodded. Kaitlin approached the Mystic, walking around so she was in front of the other woman. "Are you okay?" she asked. Schala looked up at her slowly, and Kaitlin was so shocked that she gasped aloud and took more than a few steps back. The Mystic's expression was hard and angry, her jaw set tight. But what had so startled Kaitlin was Schala's eyes. They were a deep, glowing red. They were no longer the eyes of an intelligent being. They were the glowing eyes of a primitive creature that has seen its prey and is ready to kill...The terrifying eyes of a monster out for blood to feed a starving desire... The druidess shrieked as Schala lunged for her. Frog ran from where he was and put himself between the two women, his sword drawn. She retreated a little at the sight of the weapon. The Mystic was on all fours, moving about like a wolf. Her robes restrained her, but not much. Kaitlin remained behind Frog, casting a shield around them just as Schala leaped at them again. She hit the forcefield and yowled in pain. She bared her fangs, and the two of them were horrified to see they were as long and sharp as a wolf's teeth. "What has happened to her?!" Frog exclaimed. "I...I don't know," Kaitlin answered. "Her body hasn't transformed, so it may be an invading spirit...Wait!" she said as she saw the pendant swinging around Schala's neck. "I think I know! And I *think* I can deal with it...I just have to get closer..." "I may not be able to protect you if you go too close to her," Frog warned. "I'll be careful," she assured him. "Just keep her attention on you!" Frog nodded and started taunting Schala, thrusting out the Masamune and pulling it back quickly, watching her actions. She would retreat with a snarl, then keep her burning eyes on him as she circled him, following his movements carefully. Kaitlin sneaked up behind the Mystic cautiously. She remembered Walker telling her of crossed magic effects, and she had experienced that first-hand. The only thing of magic that Schala had on her was the Dreamstone, and she figured that once she removed it and reversed the ritual, Schala would be herself again. Or so she hoped. Frog slashed at Schala, not for any real effect, but just to vary his movements. He saw Kaitlin behind her, getting closer and closer. The Mystic must have detected the other woman's presence, because she suddenly whirled around and snapped. Kaitlin, trying to avoid the attack, lost her balance and fell back. Frog yelled and practically leaped on Schala, pulling her onto two feet and holding her back. Her head came around and snapped at his arm. He put his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. She struggled, howling out in frustration. Kaitlin came up and ripped the Dreamstone from Schala's neck. Nothing happened. "Dammit! What's wrong?" the druidess cried out. Schala broke free from Frog's grasp and tumbled to the ground. She got up, but she was dizzy from the fall and tired from fighting. Her eyes seemed to have lost some of their devilish glow. She wavered, then collapsed. The other two were breathing heavily, still trying to regain themselves after the encounter. "Do you think she's herself again?" Frog asked. "Only one way to find out." They approached her carefully, still on their guard. But Schala did not wake up. Kaitlin examined her, finally lifting her sleeve and exposing the second stone around her arm. She removed it, and a shudder passed through the Mystic's body. Kaitlin did a simple ritual that called upon the forces of Gaia to cleanse a person of evil. Schala's body glowed yellow, and both of them saw the spirit of a wolf rise out of her. The spirit looked at them, its eyes a deep yellow. Then it sat back and howled, and when it looked at them again, its eyes were the same burning red as Schala's had been. Then it turned and, with a flick of its tail, trotted off into the forest and disappeared. The druidess lifted an eyelid. Schala's eyes were normal again. "I think she's all right now," she said. Frog sighed in relief. He picked her up and they walked back to camp. On the way, Kaitlin looked down at the pair of Dreamstones she held. "Fascinating," she murmured. They were like her Elfstones. At first glance, they were simply dull rocks, but careful examination would reveal the potent energy within them. She had no doubt that when Schala invoked the stones, they would have some awesome effects. "Just *what* kind of power do these stones have...?" Subj: [ffml] Re: [MW] Kaitlin's worries Date: 98-10-29 20:29:52 EST From: LeeJoeMc@aol.com Lorinan looked on at the scene with growing apprehension. What was it about those stones that had him so worried? He normally could tell, but without access to his mixes, he had no way of telling. He decided to show himself to Kaitlin again. "Kaitlin, Something's wrong." Kaitlin looked around in supprise. "Lorinan! Where've you been? What's wrong?" Lorinan gazed at the stones in Kait's hands. "It's something about those stones. I don't know what, but the magic seems to be a dangerous thing. Be wary of them." Kaitlin looked at Lorinan in even more amazement. "What's their power? Can you tell?" Lorinan looked around. "I can tell you a way to find out, but you'll have to do the mixing yourself. I can't help you now, until you bring me back. Here's what you need to do though..." Later..... Kaitlin started the mixing of the potion that Lorinan told her to do... Then she applied it to the stones and her forehead. "This should work..." Suddenly her body was floating in the oblivion of the stones, and she finnaly understood the potency of the stones... Lorinan Subj: [ffml] [MW] Worries, part 2 Date: 98-10-29 20:23:21 EST From: Schala Lorinan is a truly great chemist, Kaitlin thought as the mixture took effect. She stared at the Dreamstones in her hand. They held a ancient power, one that would take much stamina to control. She didn't understand *everything* about them, as it would take time, time that she couldn't afford. Besides, she had her own Elfstones to think about. "Lorinan." His image looked at her. "You have divined them?" he asked. "Yes, as much as I was able. It's like...they have some kind of shield around them...I can't completely figure them out." She sighed. "They frighten me...more so because of the effect they've had on Schala. I...I don't like it, but she's had more experience with them than I have." "You shouldn't let her control them if they are dangerous to her." But Kaitlin shook her head. "No...She's been using them for some time now. She knows them better. It would be like you casting away the Elfstones merely because they zapped you when you invoked them. You simply have to understand them. And from what I can tell, she's been working a lot with them." Lorinan bowed his head. "As is your choice..." She looked at him. "Thank you for your assistance," she said. "I hope that when we return to Vector, I will be able to help you..." He smiled. "I *know* you can help me. I will be waiting." His image faded away, and she returned to camp. "Can you tell me what happened back there?" Frog's question was low as the two of them kept vigil over Schala. She was in a deep but restless sleep. She tossed almost constantly, moaning as if in pain. All their efforts to rouse her had been in vain. Kaitlin looked at him and saw his concern. Again a suspicion flared up, but now was not the time, and she looked away again. "I think she was trying to do a meditation ritual," she said softly. "But something must have gone wrong...and the thing is, meditation rituals *never* go wrong -- at least, not by themselves. So I figured she must have brought some conflicting magic into it. That's why I was going after her pendant." "And it worked." She nodded. "The strange thing is that she was, well...possessed...by a wolf," she continued. "The Garou are the protectors of Gaia. And the spirit that invaded her wasn't originally hostile, either." Kaitlin frowned. "It was...something...in her own spirit...that made that Garou into a malicious creature." She remembered the visions that she had received from Schala's mind... She looked at Frog. "Now it's your turn. What do *you* know about this?" He turned away slightly. "She's been having nightmares," he said slowly. "They awaken her at night, and she can't go back to sleep. So she usually wanders around. But now...their effect on her mental state has apparently increased..." Kaitlin frowned as she turned the information around in her head. "What kind of things does she dream about?" He said tonelessly, "That I cannot tell you. It is for her to reveal, if she so chooses." The druidess looked at him curiously. She was right: There *was* some secret that they shared. But she said only, "I see," and fell silent. They sat huddled near the sleeping Mystic, watching her uneasy slumber. Schala woke up. To her surprise she found it was still night. She was even more surprised to find that she was lying on the ground. The last thing she remembered was trying to meditate...What had happened after that? She tried to think, but found no memory there. "You're awake," came Kaitlin's voice. She looked dazedly over to the druidess, who was sitting close to the fire. Frog, she saw, was asleep. "How did I get here?" she asked faintly. Kaitlin got up and sat beside Schala. "We found you in the forest. You...attacked me and Frog. When I exorcised you, it turned out a Garou spirit had somehow invaded your body." She studied the Mystic. "How are you feeling?" "Okay, I guess...a little hazy...and really tired. I don't know why I woke up." She shrugged and said sadly, "It wasn't much of a sleep anyway..." Looking at her, Kaitlin made up her mind. She put a hand on her friend's arm. "Schala, I want to know something...and only you can tell me..." "What is it?" she asked. Kaitlin took a deep breath. "When we fought against Hwer a few days back, and we had to help Frog...we had to use telekinesis. You...you do know that in order to combine our powers, we had to share our minds, our feelings...and our..." she hesitated, "our memories?" Schala nodded. "I understand that." "Be assured, I didn't try to probe into your mind. In fact, before that battle with Hwer, I'd rarely opened a telepathic connection. But I was trying to develop all my senses...and often our minds can sense things that our bodies cannot. So I've actually been developing my psychic abilities for a long time. And when I needed them, they responded." Schala nodded again. "You are a powerful sorceress," she said. "I suspect you have powers you don't even know about." "As do you." Kaitlin looked at her. "You also have...many other things hidden deep in your mind..." For some reason, Kaitlin's gaze made her uncomfortable. She shifted slightly. "That is true..." she admitted softly. "But...doesn't everyone?" In reply, the druidess looked gently at her. "What is your secret?" she asked. Schala turned away. "Why do you want to know?" Her voice was muffled. "I saw things...visions that passed from your mind to mine...And the fact that a normally gentle Garou spirit was transformed into a snarling beast when it entered your body is enough to cause anyone concern..." The Mystic sat there. So did Kaitlin, knowing that she was on the verge of getting the answers she wanted. Finally Schala turned to her. "I...I don't want to tell you out loud," Schala said abruptly. "You can train your abilities more by delving into my mind...and that's probably easiest way for me also." She was surprised. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked. The Mystic nodded. "All right, if you wish. Now listen to me carefully..." Subj: [ffml] [MW] The Mystic's Mind Date: 98-10-30 15:57:37 EST From: Schala Kaitlin knelt in front of Schala. "Listen to me carefully and follow my instructions. Close your eyes...keep your conscious mind blank. Don't think of anything in particular, and soon the thoughts from within will flow to the surface..." Schala did so. "Relax your body...take deep breaths. Concentrate on the movement of air in and out of your lungs...Listen to the beating of your heart...listen carefully to the song that it creates. It is the rhythm that produces life..." Schala's head dropped slowly to her chest. When Kaitlin saw the Mystic was deep within a trance, she closed her own eyes and prepared herself mentally. The druidess opened the telepathic connection easily. But she still felt some resistance on Schala's part. That was understandable. Here was another person exploring the inner reaches of her mind -- of course she'd resist. The trick was not to delve so deep as to pose a threat to the extremely sensitive and vulnerable subconscious mind. If she did, she might be traumatized and instinctively try to kick her out, which might mentally affect them both forever. Kaitlin probed gently, stripping away at the layers of Schala's mind. She went through the happier memories. Recent ones of her and Frog were the first she came upon. Slightly further down she saw a young Schala playing happily with other children, laughing and running. She came to the neutral memories -- ones that were neither happy nor sad. There were simple ones of her on a journey to a place Kaitlin did not know. Another of her curtseying before a well-dressed man. Another of her looking out the window of what the druidess assumed was Schala's bedroom. Deep down were the sad memories. There was one of her looking upon the face of her dead father. Another, much more intense one in which she was crying out her brother's name. Slowly she delved through all the levels. But there was nothing there, nothing that Kaitlin could see would cause her so much suffering. The druidess felt a stronger resistance. Schala was becoming agitated; she didn't want Kaitlin there anymore. She *had* to find out, but she was going too far. She backed off, and the Mystic relaxed. It was just as well she did. As Kaitlin came up through the levels, she was suddenly aware of a vague menace behind a certain set of memories. She saw the memory of Schala's fight with some mage at Crystal Peak. She saw the Darklord standing before her, unmoving, unyielding. These memories formed a tight shield that refused to let anything through. And Kaitlin knew there was a part of her friend's mind that she was keeping closed off -- even to herself. Perhaps she did not know these hidden memories existed. And when they did surface, they were bound to cause much pain, seeing as how tightly they were sealed within herself. Such are the memories that cause nightmares -- the dreams that Schala had been having for some time. There was only one way to get past the shield. Kaitlin pumped in her own negative feelings, hoping to establish a link of similarity. If Schala's mind thought that the druidess belonged there, she just might be willing to open up and let her in. Sure enough, it worked. Kaitlin gained entrance -- then stopped in horror. For here were the memories that showed the darkest side of the Mystic. *This* was what she had felt when they had joined minds before. Everything here gave off such an angry feeling that Kaitlin almost reeled. And right before her...was the dagger... It hung in midair, like a challenge to all who wished to pass. It was the guardian of this most remote area of Schala's mind. And as Kaitlin watched, the blade slowly became coated with a thick substance...Blood. She felt a rumbling, which became stronger and stronger as the dagger became redder and redder. Then, just as slowly, the blood disappeared. The rumbling died down as well. When the dagger was shiny again, all was quiet. But still it glinted menacingly. She watched in fascination as the dagger went through the cycle again and again. Sometimes the rumbling would be stronger, sometimes weaker. In those cases, the hue of the blood would be much deeper or much lighter than normal. Cautiously Kaitlin passed by the blade. She looked around, not understanding what she was seeing. Huge white bats flew screeching across the top. Some flew down to attack her, but she easily fended them off. Stone blocks stood on end, but were constantly falling down and breaking into tiny pieces. Then they would re-form, stand up, fall, and break again. Balls that emitted a strange black light zipped around. Wherever their "light" fell, there was darkness. As disparate as they were, they all had the same quality: They were being fueled by the destructive power of hate... She went on. Suddenly she stopped. As one dark ball flew away from a corner, Kaitlin saw...Schala herself. The Mystic seemed to beckon to her, so she approached. "Schala?" Kaitlin asked. "Is this...?" "Yes," her friend answered. "I never thought you would find this place...You truly are a very sensitive person..." "Why are you here?" Schala turned away. "I spend all my time here now," she replied. "I find comfort in the chaos that surrounds me here...And when I get back to the waking world, the peace is so monotonous! Here, everything is moving...so alive..." She swiveled around. "I don't want to feel dead anymore! I want to be alive! As alive as everything here that surrounds us! And to get that life, I must use my anger..." Kaitlin was shocked. "But...you've always wanted peace!" The other woman looked at her. "Understand, Kaitlin, I'm not really 'Schala' as you know her. I am the spirit within that works behind the scenes, if you will. My movements, my actions, all determine how Schala will act in the conscious world. "I once wanted peace. I wanted to help in the War. And thus, Schala wanted peace. But as time went on, I saw peace as boring! Schala was so dead! I wanted to create dissension. I wanted excitement. And so I stopped walking amongst the happier memories and...I came here. To stay. "She doesn't know, really, that I'm here. She knows only that there is a force within her that is trying to claw its way out. But she is strong...oh yes, despite this hidden agenda of mine, she still has enough strength to repress me. That is why she is so tortured now. Because she's struggling to keep me contained, and I want to break free. And soon I will...she can't hold me off forever... "But, the foolish woman, she retains her sanity. I want that sanity to leave her. If it does, then these emotions --" she waved a hand around the place "--will take control. And then, I will be alive...I will be more alive than I ever was in this life!" Kaitlin stared at the apparition, feeling the prickling of her skin as she realized that this was exactly what *she* had been going through. "Why? Why must you use anger to get the life you seek?" "Because...peace is not an option!" She whirled around. "Look...look at everything around you! Everything is moving, in action. Everything is DOING something! Not just sitting around, playing with life like Schala is!" The druidess shook her head. "Don't you see, the reason Schala's like this is because you're doing this to her! She wants to understand how she feels. Because unless you understand yourself, you cannot channel your energy to any productive means. "Schala is looking for that understanding. Your dissension is only tearing her apart. Your keeping this area tightly sealed away is hurting her, because she needs to know all of her memories in order to know herself..." The spectre tossed her head. "I hide no memories," she proclaimed. "I only store emotions...I build them up until they are of a sufficient level. Then...I release them... "Schala is close to knowing the Ultimate Power. This power has two faces: one destructive, one healing. The catch is that only *one* side can ever be used by a person. I want to initiate the destruction before she gets a chance to do otherwise..." Kaitlin sighed. "No...you hide many things. You've told me to look around. Now, why don't you do the same? Look around and tell me if you understand what you see. If these are her memories, tell me where they came from." The other hesistated, but did so. They both looked at the random objects doing strange things. They looked for a long time. Finally the spectre said softly, "I cannot tell you from where these came..." Kaitlin nodded. "That is because they have been locked away for so long," she said. "Schala's mind has transformed all of her bad memories into tangible evils. Neither of you know where they came from...not unless you strip away the anger and reveal everything for what they really are..." Schala glowered. "Without that anger, I'm dead!" she flared out. "*With* that anger, you're slowly killing yourself anyway!" Kaitlin shot back. They glared at each other. But something in Kaitlin's eyes seemed to make the spectre ashamed. She bowed her head, then abruptly turned away. "It's true," she admitted softly. "I have...changed things...The real memories were too painful to see, so I...made them into what they are now...things to fuel my hatred..." "Show me," Kaitlin urged. "Show me the memory that hurts you most..." She turned and gestured. A wall melted away. Inside were four terrifying creatures. Three of them were abusing the fourth one, hitting, slapping, punching it hard. They slammed it into the walls, into the ground. The fourth was battered and broken and bleeding, but the others had no mercy on it. It was strangely quiescent. The druidess heard low, gutteral sounds, almost as if the three were laughing. Kaitlin felt the apparition tense beside her. "You don't have to watch this," the druidess said. "I do...I have to..." she muttered through her teeth. Slowly the creatures began changing. The spectre was removing the emotions that had coated the memory with a thick, distorting layer. The creatures became smaller, more recognizable. Schala breathed in sharply. Kaitlin could only stare as the memory was replayed in horrifyingly lurid color... Subj: [ffml] [MW] Beginning the healing Date: 98-11-01 14:58:03 EST From: Schala The memory ended, and the wall slowly faded into place. Kaitlin turned away, sickened. The spectre was standing with her back facing the wall, her head buried in her hands. She sank to the ground. Kaitlin knelt down and embraced her. She could feel Schala trembling. Then without warning, Schala shot her head up and screamed. It was so loud and high-pitched that Kaitlin fell back, startled. The ground was rumbling again, stronger than the druidess had ever felt it before. It shook so badly that she couldn't even manage to stand up. Rocks began falling from the ceiling onto the ground. The entire place seemed to be collapsing. Kaitlin quickly cast float and got herself out of there, flying out of the depths of Schala's mind. The objects in the room still went about their mindless ways. Schala remained in the center, screaming with a desperation that hoped someone -- anyone -- would hear her and come to save her... Schala raised her head and screamed. Kaitlin quickly broke the connection and covered her ears. The sound made her skin tingle frighteningly. She had never heard anything quite like this. What should she do? There was only one thing she could think of. Kaitlin put her arms around the Mystic and comforted her. "Shhhh...it's all right...You're okay now..." The words fell softly from her lips. Frog jumped up, startled out of his slumber. He was prepared for a fight, but he saw the two women and knew Kaitlin was there to help Schala. It would be best for him to not interfere. Still, he kept an unobtrusive watch on them. Her scream died away in a kind of choking gasp. Kaitlin continued to hold her, continued to speak softly to relieve any trauma that might be lingering from the sudden telepathic break. Schala dropped her head. She was breathing heavily. "Why?...Why?..." she mumbled. "I don't know what happened..." Kaitlin looked at her. "Do you remember anything at all?" she asked. "Tell me what you felt, what you experienced." "I really don't remember anything...I know I went off to a peaceful place...It was so...so different from anywhere else I've been. I felt I could stay there forever... "And then...something happened. It felt like I were being torn apart. My head, my heart, my chest...they all hurt so badly. I didn't know how to stop the pain. I felt so helpless..." She shook her head. The druidess hugged her again. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," she said gently. "But from I've seen, I can understand how you would feel that way..." Schala turned bleary, reddened eyes to Kaitlin. "What...what did you see?" she asked hesitantly. "I saw...more than I wanted to see...things that I perhaps wasn't meant to know." A note of anguish seeped into her voice. "Schala, I...I'm so sorry...It's because of me that you went through what you did...at the camp..." But the Mystic shook her head. "No, it's not your fault. If anything, *I'm* the one to blame...I'm the one who let them in. I didn't fight them off when I should have...I was a complete idiot while they..." The tears suddenly sprang to her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She turned away, a little ashamed at letting Kaitlin see her cry. "I...I can never regain what they took from me...I think *that* is the reason I hate them. But I can live with it. If they had done something to *you*, I would never have forgiven myself..." She gave Kaitlin a wretched look. "Don't you see? I wouldn't have let anything happen to you...If they hadn't left you alone of their own free will, I would have done everything possible to get them away from you...I...I would have killed them..." She stopped, breaking down into heartfelt sobs. "Schala..." Kaitlin's voice was choked. When she had calmed down somewhat, the Mystic asked, "What else did you see?..." "I found the darkest part of your mind." When Schala looked curiously at her, Kaitlin explained, "There are some memories so painful, so bewildering, that your mind changes them into something it can understand. But you went one step further. Not only did you transform your memories, you locked them away." Schala looked astonished, and the druidess nodded. "They were so well hidden that I don't think I would have found them if I hadn't been using all my senses to the utmost. But they were there, and..." She hesitated, wondering how to explain this to her. "Schala, the reason you've been so restless lately is because there is a side of you that desires warfare. It considers peace to be boring and lifeless. This is the side of you that is also hidden among your most hurtful memories, the side that wants to dominate..." "You...you've seen this side of me?" Kaitlin nodded. "She was intent on breaking out. I had to leave because after I found the memory I was looking for, she started to scream, and her screaming caused the place to collapse..." Her friend looked miserable. "What should I do?" she asked pitiously. "Knowing they're there is the first step. Figuring out how to handle them is the next. Now I don't mean pretending they don't exist. You need to acknowledge that they *are* there, that they are a part of you, but you must refuse to let them run your life..." Schala was silent for awhile. Then she asked in a small voice, "Will you...help me do that?" The druidess smiled. "Of course I will." Kaitlin hugged her friend and they continued to talk into the night. The way to meet your fate is to try your hardest to avoid it. --- Wilma Jandoc aka Enya *ICQ: | "Life can only be understood jandoc@hawaii.edu *14710984 | backwards. But it must be lived nabiki_tendo@geocities.com | forwards." http://www2.hawaii.edu/~jandoc | - Binkley, http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9800 | "Bloom County"