Subj: [ffml] [MW] The Jester's Party
Date: 98-09-24 18:19:09 EDT
From: patszostak@juno.com (Patrick Szostak)
Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com
To: ffml@onelist.com
From: patszostak@juno.com (Patrick Szostak)
Just so you know, this doesn't affect the MW story in any way, so all
those plans you guys have won't be disturbed. I'm just writing this so
that if I do anything in the MW later, I already have a background and
won't need to establish one, and because I'm trying to get the ol'
creative juices flowing for writing my OTHER story ^_^
Night falls on half of the world, covering that half in darkness. To
some, the darkness brings with it painful memories of loss, loneliness,
death, and other icky stuff. But to other people, people who don't get
depressed all the time or indulge in lots of self pitying introspection,
the darkness of night is only an excuse to light torches, and is
certainly no reason to stop a good party.
The sounds of a party such as this echoed across the dense forests of
Matango, drowning out the hooting of owls and the chirping of crickets.
The crickets, somewhat put off by this, tried to compensate by chirping
louder, but eventually they rubbed their wings off and became outcasts
who were constantly mocked by the older, wiser crickets. Though they
were no longer able to survive in their surroundings, the wingless
crickets did learn to never oppose a party.
The source of the party was in the village of Matango, home of the
little mushroom guys. A large group of them were gathered around a
bonfire, dancing to that really cool music that plays when you fight
Thanatos for the last time in Secret of Mana. The mushrooms danced and
danced, and as the song progressed, many of the older ones had to sit
down and take a break. Soon the song got to a really fast part, and all
the mushrooms sat down, leaving only a young man wearing a "P-Chan"
t-shirt. He danced like some kind of thing that dances really fast,
neither stumbling nor slowing down as the other mushrooms watched in
amazement. His dance was getting wilder and wilder, until the really
fast interlude came to an end. He leapt into the air, clicked his feet
together three times along with the sound of a record getting scratched,
and all the other mushrooms cheered and started dancing again. Soon, the
song faded out, and all the mushrooms stopped dancing and went over to
the snack table to get some sake. The young man wiped the sweat from his
brow and sat down on his big throne.
The throne was carved from ivory by the man who sat in it; he hadn't
meant to make a throne though. He was actually trying to make an
elephant, as he had heard from a Dilbert strip that you could carve an
elephant by taking a block of ivory and removing everything that doesn't
look like an elephant. He did this, but he did not end up with an
elephant. Rather than admitting defeat, he decided to use the ivory as a
throne instead, which explains why the throne was so uncomfortable. As
the man squirmed in the throne, three mushrooms approached him.
"That was incredible!" said Truffle, the mushroom with facial (stumpal?)
hair.
"Well, they don't call me Pat fer nothin'" Pat replied.
"It looks like this party is as big a success as last night's!" Shiitake
said happily.
"I wonder if we'll ever be able to top that party we had two months
ago," mused Biff, the third mushroom retainer.
"Proabably not," answered Shiitake. "That was the one when Biff brought
his great grandma's secret sake brew, and we all got plastered."
"Shhhh! Don't say stuff like that! You never know when those people
from CartCart might try and censor the list!" Pat scolded.
Before Shiitake could respond, the bushes started rustling. Everyone
looked expectantly at the bushes, waiting for someone...or someTHING to
emerge from the darkness. Eventually it became clear that nothing would,
and the bushes apologized for scaring everyone like that. Then a man in
an expensive looking suit came.
"Gu faw haw haw!" laughed the portly fellow. "I'm with CartCart, and
now we're gonna censor this list!"
"It's my mortal enemy, Jimson Joe Johnson!" Pat exclaimed.
"Ha ha! How's your Uncle Philibuster doing, Pat?"
"He's in jail right now because of your corrupt shenanigans!"
"Yeah, and there's nothing you can do about it! And now I'm gonna
censor this list, and there's nothing you can do about THAT, either!"
"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do if I don't let you?"
"Then I'll have my goons shoot you with guns."
"With guns? Uh oh....."
"That's right! Gu faw haw haw! Get 'im, boys!"
With that, two other men with expensive looking suits leapt up out of
the bushes and yelled "SURPRISE!" After getting a good scolding from
Jimson Joe Johnson, the men apologized and started firing their guns at
Pat. Pat had the presence of mind to duck, thus avoiding the bullets,
which instead imbedded themselves in a bucket of paint that was floating
in the air. The paint began dripping out of the bucket, staining the
ground beneath it.
"Uh oh," said Truffle. "Those goons have ruined Pat's precious paint!"
"And stained his valuable dirt!" added Biff.
"You fatheads!" yelled Pat. "Do you have any idea how much this dirt
cost me?"
"You payed for dirt?" Johnson asked.
"Uh......no. But I still demand that you leave now!"
"Never! Men, keep shooting Pat, and don't stop until he's dead!"
"Sir?" asked one of the men.
"What is it?!" Johnson answered impatiently.
"We ran out of bullets."
"Didn't you bring anymore?"
"Nope. We're all out."
"Curses!" Johnson stomped his foot on the ground and pouted for a
minute, then addressed Pat and the mushrooms. "Okay, we won't censor you
THIS time, but I'll get you next time! You haven't heard the last of
me!"
With that, Johnson and his men fled into the night, and Pat and the
mushrooms went back to partying.
"Y'know, Pat," Shiitake said. "Some people are actually being serious
tonight."
"Doofuses," Pat said, shaking his head. "Don't they know this is a
*MOOGLE* War?" The young man chuckled, then turned to Biff. "Say, Biff.
Do you have anymore of your grandma's sake? Maybe we can top that party
we had two months ago."
**********Pat "Cuisinart" Szostak**********
--High Priest of the Cheese in Pants Cult
--5th Decon of the SCG
--Wielder of Chicken Eggs and Swirly Glasses for the CotMoHW
--Student of the TKSP
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Subject: [ffml] [MW] The Jester's Party