Subj: [ffml] [MW] Dreams of the Past Date: 98-09-21 15:18:10 EDT From: jandoc@hawaii.edu (Schala) Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com From: Schala Her body began twitching uncontrollably. She was afraid...so deathly afraid... The dried tears left rough traces on her face as she closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep, unable to consciously bear the pain any longer... It was early days yet. Schala was just a child, but everyone could see that not only was she going to be a powerful sorceress, she was also going to be a very beautiful woman. "Like her mother in her younger years," everyone said. Queen Zeal was very proud and protective of her daughter. She sighed and wished she could shield Schala from the court politics that she knew would go on, especially since her first-born was a girl. Princes from other lands would ask for her... And perhaps even some unscrupulous men from this kingdom, as well. Zeal set her jaw as she recalled some incidents in her own past... Schala lived her life blithely unaware of things. But when she reached her 13th birthday, her mother had a long, serious talk with her. "You must be very careful of yourself," Schala remembered her mother saying. "You are in a position of power here, and you are my only heir. Even if I have a son later in life, you as the first-born will have many special privileges...privileges that no man, royal or otherwise, would hesitate to take advantage of." Schala picked at the carpet where she sat. "Like what?" she asked innocently. "There are too many to mention." Zeal sighed. "You have showed your magic skills very early, and there are sorcerers and magicians who can only dream of having power as great as yours. You, as a female, are especially susceptible to others' attempts to control you." "Why?" Zeal motioned for her daughter to approach. Schala did so, and the queen held her tightly. "It's too complicated to explain...just please promise me, you will be careful of yourself." Not really understanding, Schala shrugged. "I promise," she said halfheartedly. But she was soon to find out what her mother meant...the hard way... Her face contorted, and the memory died. Her arms wrapped involuntarily around herself. She shuddered, and another memory was reawakened... She opened her eyes. She was standing in her room in the Kingdom of Zeal. Amazed, she looked around, taking in all the details. She smiled and suddenly giggled. "It's all the same, it's all the same!" she cried in joy. "It's like I never left!" She ran to her desk and lovingly caressed the spellbooks that rested there. The carpet with small stellar designs lay in the center of the floor. She remembered how she always loved to lie there and look up at her mother reading stories to her as she sat on a chair... A black cloud descended on her as she thought of her mother... A bright glow, so bright that it seemed to give off a sound, startled her. It was her Dreamstone pendant, lying on her pillow. The pendant seemed strangely serene, as though it had been waiting for her to return for so long...Schala took the pendant and slipped it around her neck. She looked in the mirror and smiled. She was so happy. There was a knock at her door. "Come in," Schala said joyfully. Someone entered and closed the door silently. She was so happy to be home that she didn't notice the sound of a furtive hand locking her bedroom door. "Your Highness," a man's voice came. Schala swiveled around. "Dalton!" she exclaimed. "What are you..." She didn't finish. With swift steps he reached her, grabbed her, and started kissing her. She broke the kiss and fought him. She screamed, but with a sinking feeling she knew she wouldn't be heard. Her room was well protected, which made the walls almost soundproof. Schala felt his hands reaching under her robes. Through her struggles she heard him whisper, "When I've taken you, the kingdom will be mine..." She brought both hands up to clutch the pendant, and she sent a telepathic SOS. "Mother!...Janus!...Please help me..." Her lips moved slightly. "Mother...Janus..." A look of intense sadness settled on her face as the image of her family was whisked away and another took its place... It was the Mammon Machine. Schala walked around it, awed by its grandeur. It hummed with an intense energy. "Is this really mine?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper. "Not quite yours, my dear," the Guru of Reason replied. "Though you are the key to it. This machine will harness power to benefit the entire kingdom. Your pendant will help us channel that energy for constructive means." Schala fingered the Dreamstone around her neck. "What if it gets out of control?" she asked seriously. The Guru looked at her. "We hope that will never happen..." From the other side of the Mammon Machine, a figure in the shadows studied Schala as the Guru spoke on... Later she was at the Earth Bounders' caves, helping them as she had done so often before. Exhausted at the end of the day, she returned to the temple with the gate that led back back to Zeal. Schala was approaching the Gate. Suddenly, a man appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere. She stopped in surprise. "Mendar, what are you doing down here?" she asked. Mendar was the Guru of Reason's apprentice, an excellent magician, and rumored to be that Guru's successor. "You know what will happen if you're caught on the land..." "I...was worried for your safety," he said softly. He approached her and took her arm. "I shall escort you back to the kingdom." "That's all right, I'm fine by myself." She tried to pull away, but his grip tightened. "You're hurting me!" she cried. Mendar slammed her into a wall and brought his face close to hers. She jerked away as far as she could, but he held her tight. "You're the key to the power of Zeal," he said hoarsely. "So if I control you...I control the entire kingdom!" He pulled her up roughly and shoved her onto the ground. But before he could hold her again, Schala punched blindly with her fists, catching him on the cheek. She slapped him hard, and he fell back. Getting up quickly, Schala ran up the steps and activated the gate just as he was running after her... Her breath was heavy, labored...images of other men who had passed quickly in and out of her life for the same reason flashed through her mind, too quick to catch a hold of, but knowing they were there...so many incidents, of which Suroos had been a part...So many incidents that she had blocked out of her mind, and were now coming back to haunt her in one big rush... "You will never defeat me...I will always be in your heart, in your mind..." Was it true? Could she ever defeat them? Could she ever regain what they had taken from her?... Her soul became heavy as she realized she probably never would... Such close incidents...but she had been lucky...TOO lucky, perhaps...She had never told anyone of the attacks, never. And now the ones who had finally conquered her were not of her kingdom, not even of her own kind... Why couldn't she just have kicked the idiots and screamed? Why couldn't she have run away, out of the tent, rather than further into it? Why couldn't she have carried some kind of weapon with her? She had broken her promise to her mother. She hadn't taken care of herself. She had let herself get lax, weak. She mentally cursed the magic barrier that had prevented her from protecting herself. She depended too much on magic, as she now knew. But she knew the hard way. It was always like that. You found out things the hard way. She had always been too busy practicing magic to work on the more physical aspects. She knew that magic could be canceled out as easily as a candle flame was snuffed out. Why didn't she think of that? She never thought things out. She was always an impetuous child. Why couldn't she ever think for herself? Why didn't she ever think about these things? If she had, then maybe...it... wouldn't have happened..... Her fingernails dug deep into her skin as her brain was overloaded by the guilt, self-anger, and self-recriminations that sped through it. Her thoughts were a jumbled mass. She turned over restlessly and winced at the hardness of the ground... Suddenly, her eyes flew open as she heard a sound outside. Was the Darklord returning? If so, she knew she must waste no time. Schala got up quickly, sucking in her breath at the pain her movements caused. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to move. A large basin of water stood in one corner. Ripping off a piece of her robes, she dampened it and cleaned herself up. The bleeding had stopped, but it had left traces of red all over her legs. She wiped her face and combed her hair as best she could with her hands. She threw dirt over the blood spatters on the ground. She rinsed out the now-bloody rag thoroughly, tossed it in a corner, then dumped out the water. Finally she clothed herself in illusion and sat on the bed. A pain in her stomach made her pull her knees up to touch her chin. She still felt so naked, so unclean...Her hands began trembling so badly that she clutched them together to try and steady herself. The Darklord barged into the tent. Schala looked up at him fearfully, wondering what his plans for them were. He had always taken an interest in her welfare...what did he want from her? There was nothing about her worth saving now...Better if her body matched her soul in death... Kaitlin heard him, woke up, and sat up, rubbing her eyes. Schala glanced at the druidess. At least I was able to protect her from the Moogleboars, she thought. If it came down to sacrificing herself to save her friend, she would do it again... She blamed herself for the rape, but she would never be blamed for abandoning her friend in the person's time of need... The Darklord stood in front of them, almost glowering. "I have something to tell you," he announced. [OOC: Okay, Eric, your turn.] Date: Tue, 22 Sep 1998 21:30:28 -0600 From: His Dark Lordship The moment he stepped in the tent, he felt a horribe aura present. He stopped, and took a deep smell inward. Schala thought she saw a fire burning in his eyes for a second. "He knows.." she thought. "He knows.." He closed his eyes for a second, then re-opened them. "I have made arrangements for the two of you to leave this camp. You depart at sundown. I will acompany you for the first two nights, after that you will be with another protector." "Hopefully one that can do a better job than I." he finished the sentance in his mind. He did his best not to show the immense humiliation he felt. It was him seeing the crime through the victim's eyes, again. Memories of his crimes against Cristilla flowed through his mind, enraging him still. "Like I said, we leave at sundown, so get dressed." he turned and left. That, for Schala, was the toughest pill to swallow of all. The Dark Lord stormed through the camp. He headed for the bar. He smelt the semen, among other fluids, in the room, and directed it to it's owner's from their normal scent, and he focused on them. Then, he saw it. Outside the bar, purple hair flowing, was the Dark Mage. "I thought you were dead." he said finally. The Dark Mage turned to him. "So the feeling of it brought you back, huh?" spoke the Dark Lord. "Well, to do all a favour, keep away from Bacca." he stormed into the bar tent. The Moogleboars were there. "Karak! Kuren! Keren!" "Uh oh.." said Kuren. Karak was wincing in pain from Shadow's demonstration. The Dark Lord stormed up to them. He noted the Dark Mage was just standing outside the room. "You people are in deep shit." said the Dark Lord grimly. "You seemed to be interested apprentices, so I appointed you to guard the room. And what do you do? You go in and run her fucking through?" Keren gulped. "We were drunk..." said Kuren. "Dammit!" grumbled Karak. "I'm just lost my hand, now my life?" "Ohhh no.. you'll live." said the Dark Lord. "Until I see fit otherwise. Indulge yourself on life's gifts, just know that someday I will claim payment for your one wild night." The three Moogleboars looked at each other. Karak flexed his hand. "And know.. I own you now. I shall take payment when I see fit." he turned and headed for the door. Magus began to step in but the Dark Lord stopped him. "Don't bother, I've already delivered enough punishment for a million men." The Dark Mage looked confused, but finally gave in. The Dark Lord frowned. "Don't worry about Schala currently. I have made sure she's in the greatest of hands." "Not your own" said the Dark Mage. "Bah, I have enough blood on my hands to feed a kingdom of vampires for centuries.." said the Dark Lord. He then turned and left. * * * * * * * The Dark Lord lead Schala and Kaitlin between the tents. Slowly, to the forest, the meeting place. He let out a small wistle and four of his trusted steeds. They boarded and rode into the woods. After a slight amount of riding, the Dark Lord dismounted. "I know you're here. You don't have to hide." Glenn strode out of the bushes. Schala's eyes lit up. "Frog!" she finally said. "Very well. I shall guard them. Now let us go." "Not so fast, I'm hanging around for a bit." Frog looked at him. "Pardon?" "You'll need me to get away from the Moogles. Plain and Simple." He helped Frog to on of the Tyranosaurs and they rode off. * * * * * * * * * * * * They sat around the fire. The Dark Lord tended to it. "Funny.." said Kaitlin. "You possess powers beyond human comprehension, yet you insist on tending a fire with a log?" "It gives me memories of what it was like to have the gift..." The other three looked at each other. "What gift?" The Dark Lord looked up, and sat back. "Let me tell you a story." he said. "There once was a man of my kind, called Tyrqrah. He was a warrior of his tribe. He was a renowned hunter, warrior and leader. His mate, Lyqila, was of almost equal stature, so they made the ideal couple. They loved each other to the death, and she bore him 12 young, all promised to be of the stature of their father." "But, alas, all good things must come to an end. For the tribe was in fear of the Night Stalkers, a myth, by belief. They were cannibals, raiding villages at night, and taking people, and none would see them again." "It was indeed true. They came one night, and targeted Tyrqrah's hearth. She was awoken first, only to see their 12 heirlings dragged away. She fought them, but was outnumbered 15 to one, and was taken too, right before the eyes of Tyrqrah, who gave chase,}{\f23 but could not keep up. He lost the nomadic village, and the Night Stalkers." "He wandered, seeking any sign of them. It was as if they had vanished from existance." "But he found one, at long last. He used himself as bait, and fought valiantly, and scared them off, but pinned one. It was similar to his own, except as opposed to his brownish skin, these had a dark blue. It bore charms made from the bones of other tribe}{\f23 s. It challenged him, it challenged him to live as he did and see if he could bear it. Tyrqrah vowed he could outdo any of them, and it started up. It mocked him, and it claimed it has followed him from his village, and killed his pride by showing him Lyqi}{\f23 la's skull, which it used as a loinguard." "It then ran into the woods, and Tyrqrah roared, and cried to any that would listen to grant him the means to destroy the Night Stalkers. And then a Frog called out, `It is a quest of eternity, but we can give that to ye.' And he accepted to the apparation's requests, and so took the curse.." "He searched and searched, and he never found another Night Stalker. His remaining years he spent in vain, living with the pain of how his laziness cost him all he cherished.." The Dark Lord stopped, and took a deep breath. "That was fourty five thousand years ago." he said. "Ever since, I have sought to protect what I held dear, and every time I have failed. I sought to kill the pain with a cold heart, but I then bear with the pain I caused. For forty five thousand years I have continued to expand my burden, and I live with the deaths of over two thousand unfortunete females. I was unable to protect them from harm, and I have failed again..." A tear shed from his golden eyes. "Death is the greatest gift you will ever recieve. I would give anything for it. Cherish your short lives, and you shall appreciate them all the more." "What became of the Night Stalkers?" finally asked Kaitlin. The Dark Lord looked up. "I didn't take me long to realize they were of the same shoes as I, only they have been around for an eternity longer. The colour markings vary from tribe to tribe, and, to legend, the dark blue colour markings had not been seen for thousands of years. They could've easily been millions of years old... and simply trying to escape from the pain of lost lovers, also tricked into it by some cruel god.." Glenn, who had sat with intrest, finally opened up. "Ye canstnot die?" he asked. "Not even by blade?" The Dark Lord shook his head. "I am destined to be alive when the planet dies, and I will be here still when a new planet comes to take it's place. Old wounds can heal, limbs can be regrown, and air, 'tis not needed.. but, 'tis not worth it." he held up his arms, revealing about two dozen scars on each wrist. "They continued to bleed, even though I lost more blood than a creature four times my size possesses.." He sighed, then curled up and slept. Subj: [ffml] [MW] Revelations Date: 98-09-26 20:05:22 EDT From: Schala Time passed. Schala curled up, wincing slightly. She lifted her head carefully and looked around at everyone by the light of the still-glowing embers. They were all asleep, though she was sure that the Darklord and Frog had some kind of sense that would tell them if anyone was approaching -- or if anyone left. She rose carefully and crept closer to the warmth. She sat there awhile, then got up and, as silently as she could, walked a ways into the forest. Turning around, Schala saw that no one had been disturbed. She disappeared among the trees. The night was a rather cool one. There was just enough moonlight for her to see by, and Schala stepped over roots and dried leaves until she felt she was a safe distance away from the camp. She came to a small clearing. Stepping in the middle, she looked up at the moon. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. After awhile, she opened her eyes. A wind blew, and she hugged herself for warmth. She chose a large tree and sat down carefully. She pulled her knees up, folded her arms across them, and laid her forehead down on her hands. She didn't know how long she stayed like that before sensing someone's presence. Her head shot up, and in the dim light she saw the figure of the Darklord, his cape flowing. Schala made no move. She was not surprised to see him there. The Darklord approached her slowly, stopping a short distance before her. He looked around, at the clearing, at the tree she sat under, at the moon. Then he returned his gaze to her. "It's peaceful here," he said quietly. "But who knows what may be lurking in the shadows?" "The shadows and the darkness have always been my friends," she replied in a low voice. "I have nothing to fear from them." "But what you must fear are those who do not belong to the night." "Like you, perhaps?" Schala said softly, a smile playing on her face. "Perhaps..." She bowed her head. The Darklord came closer and knelt beside her on one knee. Schala did not look at him. Finally he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly. She lifted her head and gazed into eyes that were beginning to burn. She felt strangely serene, however. There was no anxiety in her voice when she answered, "About what?" "You know what." Schala rose suddenly as she felt anger flare in her chest. She walked some distance away and tossed her hair in an expression of contempt. "I did not realize I was under any obligation to tell you anything," she said coldly. But even as she said it, she felt the blood draining from her face and her hands starting to shake. The Darklord rose slowly but did not try to approach her. "It's true, you don't have to say anything," he admitted. "I just thought... you might want to." Tears sprang to her eyes. She brought her hands together and looked down at them, looking at her fingernails scratching at her skin in an effort to chase the memory away. She kept her back to him. "I didn't need to tell you," she said bitterly. "You knew anyway." "It wouldn't have been a secret for long. Those three were really drowning themselves in drink when I last saw them..." She swiveled on him. "...While I drown myself in sorrow?" she finished fiercely. "Yes, it's like that, it's like that always, and I can't change it, so why bother? I didn't want anyone to know...least of all YOU. But I can't hide anything, can I? Can't I just keep my sorrow to myself? Can't I hide anything, any part of me away in a place that is safe and won't be breached by anyone I don't know or trust? Isn't there a way to be alone in the world?! "Why must I be the one under scrutiny? Why can't I have my own secrets, my own little mysteries? You hid yourself for so long, and you didn't HAVE to tell anyone anything about you. You don't have to tell anything that you don't wish to be known. But me, what can I hide? One look, one glance and you knew all you needed to know...even more than what you WANTED to know! "There is no peace for me, no protection...No, I must always be on my guard, and even when I am it doesn't help. Do you know what it's like to always be so transparent? To be so easily fathomed? To have your heart torn out of your chest and exposed to the whole world against your will? You've had everything to hide and the means to do it! Me, I've never had any secret that I could keep to myself! I'M MY OWN WORST ENEMY, I'M MY OWN WORST FEAR! "When you talked about death tonight, didn't you know how I felt? You knew how I felt! Don't tell ME to enjoy life! I would enjoy death more, MUCH MORE! Granted, I haven't lived as long as you. Our circumstances are different. Perhaps I don't know the true meaning of wanting death. But the result is the same: we're both so weary of life that death is a blessing. Life is the most difficult challenge we face. I'm just not up to that challenge! I wish I'd never been born! I WANT TO BE DEAD! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE! I...WANT...TO...DIE!!" Schala was hysterical. As she spoke, her voice went higher and higher until it was a shrill scream. When she finally stopped talking, she suddenly began laughing. Laughing and laughing, with tears streaming down her cheeks. She lifted her face and screamed her insane laughter to the skies. She spread her arms and twirled around, laughing and crying and laughing... At that moment, she felt a eerie power come over her...one that ran through her and out of her and felt as if it were tearing the very life out of her body... She raised her arms and face to the moon, and a black aura surrounded her. The Darklord was alarmed. What the hell was she doing?! The wind increased in intensity, and Schala's hair was whipped around her face. The skies clouded over, and her hands glowed a bright blue. She brought them together, and was on the point of summoning something... ...When suddenly the Darklord realized what she was doing. He quickly came up to her. He grabbed her arms and shook her until her laughter was cut off. Her head flopped back and forth, finally slumping forward, hanging to her chest. He lifted her chin up. Schala's face was ghostly white, her eyes closed, her face streaked. Her aura faded. The wind died, slowing down to a a strong breeze. Schala opened her eyes and looked at the Darklord. She saw a man filled with pain and fear, and she knew it was because of her. Her face contorted, and her vision blurred. She hung her head and began to cry in earnest, loud, gasping sobs coupled with uncontrolled tears that the wind just as quickly whisked away. The Darklord held her to him tightly and let her cry. She did not try to resist him, but she did not return his embrace. He felt her tears on his skin, and with each drop, it was as though he could also feel her pain. "Schala, it's one thing to want privacy. It's another thing to lock away a pain that will grow and grow and consume your very soul... There is also a difference between not being able to live...and wanting to die..." She did not listen. "I don't want anyone to know...I never want anyone to know...I just want to die..." she repeatedly mumbled through her gasps. He made no reply for awhile. But his voice when he answered was stronger and more serious than even he had even heard it before. "I will say nothing...No one will know..." Schala cried for a long, long time. The Darklord stood there, comforting her with his embrace. The wind stirred up the dried leaves and swirled the dust around them, distorting her sobs into a frighteningly ethereal sound before chasing off through the trees. The way to meet your fate is to try your hardest to avoid it. --- Wilma Jandoc aka Enya *ICQ: | "Life can only be understood jandoc@hawaii.edu *14710984 | backwards. But it must be lived nabiki_tendo@geocities.com | forwards." http://www2.hawaii.edu/~jandoc | - Binkley, http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9800 | "Bloom County"