Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 16:47:44 EDT Subject: [ffml] [MW] The Mobius Strip From: The show's producer walked onto the stage. "Great work everybody," she said, "especially you, Kileen." Kileen grinned. The producer continued, "I think the audience actually believed that you were Spacecat in disguise." Kileen glanced offstage to where Spacecat was. He returned the glance with a wave. "Anyway," the producer said, "Is there anything I can get for any of you before the commercial break is over?" "Yeah, I'll have some bottled water," said Al Gore. The producer promptly got him some water. "Here you go Mr. Vice President," she said. Then she walked offstage and said, "Places everyone. We're on in 3... 2... 1..." The theme music chimed in and Jerry said charismatically to the camera, "Welcome back. If you're just joining us, our topic today is Bisexual Fromage a trois with my girlfreinds dad and my own father while simultaneously changing sex and the hurt it causes. Our panel consists of Tojo-Mojo, ruler of the Mohorovicic Discontinuity, Newt Gingrich, Speaker of the House, Al Gore, Vice President of the United States, Spacecat (or shall I say Kileen?) the transsexual, Tyrania, Mistress of Spatulas, Drule, young guy, and Totsil, Spacecat, er, Kileen's father who some manages to keep getting kil..." Jerry was interrupted by something completely unexpected. A wormhole appeared above the stage and four people fell out of it onto the stage. The wormhole disappeared and the four young adults took in their surroundings. "Hey," said one of them, a young black man, "I think I just realized where we are." "Where would that be, Remmy", asked another of them, a white man with long hair and a deep voice. "We're on Springer, Colin," replied Remmy. "What's that?" asked Colin. "It's a tv talk show that was on in my world," answered another man who looked like he might be Colin's brother. "I know who Jerry Springer is," said the woman who was with them, "In my world, he was killed by the government because he was a communist, or at least that's what they said about him. But I suspect that they may have just been using him as a scapegoat." "Um," said Jerry, trying to regain his composure after the bizarre event, "let's meet our new panelists." He came at them with his microphone. "Sorry, pal," said Remmy, "but we should be getting a move on to see how much this world is like our home world. So far, it seems to be just like it." "Well, except for the part about powerful politicians being guests on Springer," said Quinn, Colin's brother. "Have you ever had a bisexual formage a trois with your girlfriend's father, your own father while simultaneously changing sex? If so, what hurt did it cause?" Jerry asked the newcomers. They ignored him and walked offstage to where Spacecat was hanging out. "Who are you people?" he asked them. "I'll handle this," said Quinn to the others. He turned to Spacecat and said, "We are called Sliders. We go from dimension to dimension, looking for our friend Wade, and also showing revenge against a race of sub-humans called Kromags whenever we run into them," "Kromags?" said Spacecat. "Long story," said Quinn. "But now let's hear your story. What can you tell me about this world?" "Well, there's a war going here. There are several different sides fighting against each other..." The woman, Maggie, interrupted him, "Remmy! What's wrong with the timer?" pointing to the electronic device he was still holding. He looked at it and saw that the LED display was going crazy. It was alternately counting forwards and backwards at various speeds. "It's not the timer," said Colin. "What?" said the rest. "There's nothing wrong with the timer," explained Colin, "There must be a disturbance in the Time-Space continuum, and first sign of that is the disturbance of certain kind of clocks. As the disturbance gets even closer, more effects will be noticeable before the inevitable chaos occurs." "What could be causing it?" asked Spacecat. "It's hard to say," said Colin, "But whatever it is, I don't think we can stop it. We've just got to warn as many people as we can to get away from it's path." "Sir," Maggie said to Spacecat, "Do you think the media already knows about this?" "I dunno," said Spacecat, "But this is a TV studio." "That's right!" said Remmy. He led the Sliders and Spacecat over to an important looking person who obviously worked there. "Can you put a message on the air for us, a message warning people about a destructive force in the fabric of the universe?" "If it isn't about transsexual or crack whores, we're not interested." "But..." Remmy started. But Quinn took him aside and said, "I think we'll get nowhere here. Let's go somewhere else. Do you want to come along, um what's your name?" "My name is Spacecat. I'd like to come along, but let's wait for my friends to get off the stage. I think the show is wrapping up now." Suddenly a cry of alarm came! Chaos erupted in the studio. People were running around, trampling other people, trying to get out." "What's going on?!" said Remmy. "Oh no!" said Spacecat, "It's a Moogle Attack!" The Sliders then saw what Spacecat was talking about. In the other end of the large studio, little white fuzzy creatures were killing and raping people. "What in God's name are those things?" said Maggie. "Moogles," said Spacecat. "Are those what you are at war against?" asked Quinn. "Yeah, but there are also Black Moogles, Orks, Mystics, and various types of lizard men." ----- On stage, the moogles were effectively being fought off by Tyrania with her spatulas, and by the security guards of the show. Some were decapitated, and some ran away. Unfortunately, Totsil was one of their victims. Spacecat and the Sliders went on stage to survey the damage. "Do you think the Moogles have anything to do with the rip in the fabric of time and space?" Colin asked Spacecat. "I have no idea... COLIN! BEHIND YOU!" Spacecat noticed too late the dark ooze that crept from the Moogle Corpses over to Colin Malorie. The slimy substance went into his body and took it over. Then all the remaining ooze did the same thing to Al Gore. "Nobody move!" said Colin, in a very un-Colin-like voice. He grabbed Jerry Springer in a choke hold. Al said to everyone, "We will take Jerry Springer back to Emperor Mog to be his queen. Anyone who tries to stop us will be put to death..." "...by Kupo." Colin finished. Everyone left in the studio was paralyzed with fear as Al and Colin left. "What happened to my brother?" said Quinn, "Why is he acting like that?!" "The Moogles have assimilated him. I don't know if there's a way we can get him back." "Okay, this is getting pretty f*cked up," said Newt, "I'm out of here." "Wait!" said Spacecat, "Why don't you stay to help us? Don't you care?" "I'm a politician. I only care about myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my own world now." "Wait a minute," said Maggie, "You can slide? How?" "With my Speaker of the House superpowers, duh!" And with that, he disappeared into thin air. "Damn!" said Quinn. What do we do now??" (Your turn, Chaos) Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 18:33:17 EDT Subject: [ffml] [MW] 2 More Queens From: The room was dark, and the sound of dripping water could be heard in on the other side of the room. "What'd I do to deserve this?" asked Jerry Springer to himself, yanking at the heavy chains binding him to the wall in Mog's dungeon. "Was it all the strippers? Could it have been the fact that I am being punish for all the times I've exposed people's horrific problems to this pathetic planet? Why me?" Suddenly a big steel door flew open, slamming against the wall behind it. "You!!" yelled Jerry. "No!! Oh no!! Please!! NOOO!!" "Yes." Mog stepped through the door, with all of his current queens behind him, and... a priest. "NOOOOOO!!!!!!" yelled Jerry Spring. He ripped at the chains with all his might his face turning a bright red, but to no avail, he fell to the ground exhausted, looking down. "No..." he said softly. "Please." "Too late!" snapped Mog. "You and Al Gore will make the perfect addition to my legion of queens!" ------------- "We're close... my chip lets me home in on Colin... wait. The signal stops here." Quinn Malorie climbed up onto the boulder, smoldering hot in the midday sunlight. His hand burned. "What? This can't be where Mog's base is," protested Spacecat. "It's too close to Bacca's fort." "Bacca?" asked Maggie, looking at him. "Bacca is the High Lord of All That Kicks Ass, leader of the Lance Henriksen army." Remmy and Wade burst out laughing leaning against the rock. Quinn chuckles under his breath, and starts to force the laughter back. "What?" asked Spacecat? Maggie looked up. "The High Lord of All That Kicks Ass?" she laughed. "What is he, a giant boot?" "Yeaaaah!" Remmy said. "Good on, Maggie!" They laughed even harder. Quinn began to laugh too. "I suppose it is kind of funny," said Spacecat chuckling. "But he is a good warrior." Quinn, up on the rock, looked around. "I think I found something guys!" he said, squatting to look at it. He picked up a burnt stick. There were many of them, 15 or 20 all in a pile. "Looks like a campfire," Quinn said, looks down. "Don't move..." said a voice behind Quinn. He felt a small poking in the back of his neck. "Who are you," the deep voice said. "Quinn?" asked Spacecat from below. Suddenly the poking stopped. "Spacecat?" said the newcomer. "Chaos!" yelled Spacecat. Chaos flew over Quinn, his long blue cape whipping up. He landed with a thud. "Hey Spacecat." "Chaos, long time no see. Not since I left Bacca's army." "Who are your friends? And weren't you traveling with Tojo and Drule and them?" "They all got captured by the Moogles," Spacecat answered, looking down. "Shitsu," said Chaos. "And you are...?" "Maggie Beckett," Maggie said sharply. "Rembrandt Brown, of Earth Prime," Rembrandt replied. "Quinn Malorie." Quinn jumped down. "We are intergalaticat-" "Sliders," Chaos interrupted. "You know too?" Quinn asked. "Of course! I am a Materia Warrior, and Emperor of the Darkhorn Empire! We've had slide technology for centuries. Position Slide, Time Slide, and Universal Slide. We call the machine the tri-Slider." "Amazing," said said in awe. "May I see it?" "I'm afraid not," Chaos replied. "It's on Skyhorn, my floating palace, and my whole Empire is under the control of the evil Dark Moogle." "Well that sucks," Maggie said. "But we only have another day here, and we gotta rescue Colin." Suddenly an odd sensation came over Chaos. "At any rate," he said, "meet my friends." Seph LaRoche and Lorak stepped out of the bush. "I am Seph LaRoche of the Crescent Empire," Said Seph. "And I am Lorak, the traveling summoner," Lorak said, in his normally cheery tone. "Well, whoever you are, we could use your help." ------------------ Later that night, all were sleeping except for Seph, Lorak, and Chaos. "Did you sense that?" asked Chaos. "Yes," said Lorak. "What does it mean?" Seph warmed his hands over the open fire Chaos'd started. "It means there's another nearby," Chaos answered. "Another Materia Warrior." "But it was really strong this time," Lorak added. "So there must be two." "Who are they?" asked Seph. "We can't tell," Chaos said. "We just know when there is 1 - or 2 - in the area." "Well, who do you think they could be?" asked Lorak. "I think maybe Spacecat... but there are two nearby... which means 1 of the Sliders is one... and will have to remain here when it's time to slide..." Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 10:01:59 -1000 From: "Tojo Mojo" Tojo contacts Chaos with his Psychic Powers (which he recently acquired when he wandered on to the set of the Psychic Friends Network during the Springer show) "You better save me! And quick!" In the background (Umm, must have been some form of Psychic disturbance that allowed it to be heard), a voice is heard; "Hmmm... I haven't had a good Kupo in, GOSH, nearly five minutes! How bout this newcomer" "ARRGGHH"