A little story
A little story

His Dark Lordship

So Bacca, LP, Jaana, Schala, Ku-sam, Kaitlin, and a few others I can't remember right now, are marching through the catacombs of Crystal Peak.

"So then feinted back and drove my spear right into the troll's heart." bragged Bacca in an attempt to inspire the soldiers after Raziel came back screaming about Godzilla.

Just then, there was a scream heard. A scout came darting back to Bacca's position at the front lines.

"Sir! The Undead are back!"

"NOOOO!!! Not another 40000 posts!" screamed Jaana in despair.

They all looked at her oddly.

"Umm.. never mind."

"Anyway, they got Johnny."

"Dammit!" yelled Bacca. "Alright everyone, brace for attack. Mages, keep in the middle for emergencies. Front, Raise your spears."

They did such, and they stood bold even as a screech from god knows what echoed across the walls, a wailing sound of creatures in eternal torment, on their masters bidding.

The first wave came with a horde of Skeletons. Armed with scimitars, clubs, Scythes, and in one or two cases an old possession of theirs in their past lives, they leaped into the fray. Cut down by Bacca's well disciplined troops, their arms crawled against the floor and clawed at their legs, as their heads dragged themselves towards the warriors by their yellow, blood crusted teeth.

The stench of rotting flesh filled the room, and many of the soldiers had to step back an retch. Zombies of all sorts came charging in, one terrible mind. Using the occasional weapon, mostly just clawing and biting, the zombies forced the troops to draw back, through more zombies found themselves in many parts than troops found themselves consumed.

Wraiths followed, and Wights and other horrible fallen beasts of the night. Ghosts came assisting their kings by dragging soldier's souls away to nights of eternal bliss. The healers did their best to save their power for the humans, but several broke down and poured their otherwise curative magics upon the beasts.

Seen in the shadows beyond was the head of this legion of the dead, a lichemaster upon a Zombie Dragon. The warriors followed his mind, and he cut his way through the melee to Bacca.

"So you are the great Bacca" said the partially rotting Necromancer. "You will make a fine rank amongst us."

"Don't get too confident," said the High Lord of all that kicks ass. "I would be interested in what the hell you're doing here."

"Why, living coward, we are here for the same reason you are. We seek the materia before the Dark Moogle gets them. He would never use them to their full extent. We, we could distribute their powers amongst us all. And after all, he is a buffoon."

Bacca had enough. He let loose a Hadoken at the dragon, its side burst into flames, and it screeched in fury. With a little luck the Lichemaster conjured a small rainstorm.

"Rain in the dungeons... quite the miracle, huh?" joked the Lichemaster before he sent a lightning bolt flying right into Bacca's torso.

His chest hairs scorched, he was relieve he was only burnt. With an ear piercing battle cry, he unleashed his twin swords and slashed at the dragon. It reared back and blasted him with a green flame.

His flaming mass fell to the ground..

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Bacca, Bacca!" yelled a familiar voice.

Bacca opened his eyes to pure white. The Lady Paladin was gazing into his face.

"Lady! What happened!?!" asked Bacca, quickly awake. "What of the battle?"

"I don't know. I rushed you here as fast as I could."

"What!?! Where the hell are we!?!"

"A hospital."

"In the middle of a catacomb!?!"

"Yep." smiled the Lady.

"This is blasphemy. I should be out there, leading my troops to victory, no sitting in a waiting room!"

An ork woman came out.

"Da doc 'ill see yah now." she grunted.

Bacca's stretcher was rushed into the OR, in spite of Bacca's objections. He closed his eyes, a tear shedding from his face.


"'Ey! It's dat 'umie general dood. Pleazd ta meet ya, 'm Drugga... Da Klubba!"

"WHAT!?!" shouted Bacca.

Drugga was standing there in Doctor's garb, holding a scalpal, which was twitching in his hand.

"'ets get it started. Scalpal."

"Ey! Ya already gotza Scalpal."

"Ooh yah. Surry." Drugga approached the detained Bacca.

"Hey! What about the gas?"

"Weez orkz, wee don' yooze no wimpy gas!"

"Yeah, but orks don't feel half the pain humans do." remarked Bacca.

"Shaddup." Drugga began to cut Bacca in random places.

"Weel find dat woond sunnah or latah." he grunted as Bacca screetched in pain.

This went on for a half an hour. Drugga cut a vein, Drugga tried to stop the bleeding, Drugga made a comment on how pathetic humans were, Drugga replaced Bacca's kidney with a Squig, Drugga observed how the Squig consumed Bacca's intestines, Drugga gave up and told them to send him upstairs.

Bacca, relieved to be out of there, and thinking he was better off staying ablaze from the dragon flame, watched as the nurses rushed him into an elevator. As the doors reopened a blood chilling sound filled Bacca's ears. They took him to the OR on that floor.

Bacca opened his eyes just for a second, and gazing at him was the scariest sight he ever saw.

"Kupo. We meet again, Bacca." said Mog.

Aeris, Tifa, and others looked over from Mog's shoulder. Mog picked up a notepad and read it.

"K, subject has been exposed to serious eternal bleeding and parasites, along with Zombie Dragon Flame and serious burns. Okay, let's take a look at him."

The several queens of Mog sorted through things and examined Bacca's body.

"Nice..." smiled Yuffie.

"Let's keep on topic, Shall we?" asked Tifa.

Terra looked him over. "I think there's little we can do. He's lost too much blood."

Mog smiled. "I say, good chaps, anyone up for a little... euthanasia?"

Aeris' eyes brightened.

"Death... by KUPO!!!!!"

* * * * * * * *

"Bacca, Bacca, wake up!" yelled the Lady Paladin as she shook him. She let out a sigh of relief as he came to. "You were screaming."

Bacca sat up.

"Must've been a nightmare." Bacca noticed several burn marks on his arms and legs. "What the.."

"You looked pretty bad. I spent a lot of my energy just putting you out."

"You mean.. we DID fight the undead a second time!?!"


"What happened!?!"

"We managed to beat them off. Jaana assumed command after she saw you go down. We pulled you off to safety before the dragon ate you. Problem is, they're still roaming around the catacombs somewhere. The troops were pretty surprised that you lived. You're becoming the second coming for them..."

"You never know, maybe I am." grinned Bacca. LadyPaladin frowned, but realized he was joking.

"So.. what was your nightmare about, anyway?"

"Oh nothing.. just trivial shit."

Bacca got up and started acting as if he had never been scratched...

All was normal.