Oily Moogles?
Oily Moogles?

King Edgar 0

Back in the camp...

While the leaders are planning how to construct good walls the Leader stands up and takes a big smell.

Ketpa: Wait! I sense someone.. no... two people. About to enter the woods.

Kepen: Do you want me to check it out?

Ketpa: No, Send in a rookie scout. One that is doing awful in training. I want the bad ones to get training in the field. and I want out visitors to get a chance to know that something is living here

Kepen sent for a rookie scout to check it out. The scout merrily ran away tripping over bushes and roots and whatever got in his path. A few minutes later he returned giving an almost full account of what he saw.

Edgar: The second person sounds familiar. I might know him from somewhere. Can you have him sent in Ketpa?

Ketpa: Yes.

Kepen: I will go welcome them.

Kepen ran off into the forest. Jumping over bushes and roots. And whatever got in his path.

Spacecat: Gee.. It sure is nice in here.

Spacecat looked left to see a small green moogle jump out.

Spacecat: AH! Son of a pimp-burger you scared me!

Kepen: You and the other are to follow me.

Spacecat: Ok, Where are we going?

Kepen: To the fort. Edgar and Ketpa are planning there and they said you could join them. We have refreshments ready.


"The other?" Nizbel mumbled to Spacecat as Kepen led them to the fort. "Now I know how the Professor and Maryanne felt."
"What does that mean?" asked Spacecat.
"Never mind."

"Welcome!" Edgar said as Spacecat and Nizbel entered the room, "Sit down, make yourselves at home! Me and Ketpa here a planning my new kingdom, Neo Figaro!"
Spacecat sat down and sampled the horse do-overs. "Really?" said Spacecat, "Do you think right now is the best time to build a kingdom? I mean, there's a war going on out there. Building a Kingdom would make you vulnerable to attack."
"That would not be a problem," said Kepta, answering Spacecat's question, "Our elite army would oversee the construction and make sure that there would be no attacks. But now is not the time to worry about such things. Kemra!" He called as he clapped his hands. A Green Moogle entered the room. "Yes, sir," said Kemra.
"Kemra," said Kepta, "These are friends of Edgar. Give them the V.I.P. treatment."
"This way, Gentleman," said Kemra, leading Spacecat and Nizbel down a hallway. He stopped at a door. "This is your room," he said to Spacecat, opening the door and handing Spacecat the key to the room.
"Thanks," said Spacecat.
"Make yourself comfortable. Your massage is at two o'clock," the Moogle said, closing the door behind himself, and leading Nizbel to his own room.


Spacecat lay on his luxurious bed, sipping a lemonade. The AC was on full blast and Aphex Twin was on the sound system. "Man, these Green Moogles know what I like..."
There was a knock at the door. "Time for your massage," a female voice said.
"Come in," said Spacecat, expecting a Moogle masseuse to enter. But in walked a human female, who looked to be about 18, wearing a tank top a few sizes too small, a pair of tight cut-offs, and sunglasses.
'Wow!' thought Spacecat, 'These Moogles _really_ know what I like!'


That night...

There was a knock at Edgar's door. "Come in," he said. In walked Spacecat. "Hey Space, what's up? I was just about to go to bed and..."
"Come with me," said Spacecat, calmly, "I'd like to take a walk around here with you."
"Sure," said Edgar.
"King Edgar," said Spacecat, as they walked, "Why are these Green Moogles so eager to help you?"
"They are just kindly creatures. I dunno. I guess they just like to help people."
"How much of this 'Neo Figaro' have you actually planned yourself?"
"Not much. Kepta and his engineers have designed most of it themselves."
"I want to show you something," Spacecat said to King Edgar. He led Edgar to the room where Kepta and Edgar were planning earlier. Right away, Edgar noticed that the file cabinet that the plans were kept in was open.
"How did you unlock that?" asked Edgar.
"I lifted the master key from the massage girl's pocket today."
"Really? Only an experienced pickpocket could reach into pockets of pants that tight without being detected."
"Um," said Spacecat, "The point is, don't you think it's suspicious that they would lock away these plans?"
"That never occurred to me," said Edgar, "I guess they did that so if someone broke into the fort, they couldn't steal the plans."
"Perhaps so," said Spacecat, "But look at this." He got the Neo Figaro blueprints out of the cabinet. "The structural integrity of that place is f*cked." Spacecat pointed out the various flaws in the plans to Edgar.
"I never noticed those things," said Edgar, "Kepta showed it to me so quickly, I guess I didn't get a chance to notice things like that."
"What sort of wood will be used?" asked Spacecat.
"The wood from this forest."
"The wood from the trees in this forest would be unsuitable for building. The trees here are too soft. I don't know what biological advantage helped the trees in this forest evolve to be like that."
"Hmm, I'll have to talk with Kepta about those things tomorrow."
"I don't think that's a good idea," said Spacecat, "I've got something else to show you that will shed some more suspicion on our Moogle 'friends.'" He took Edgar to the basement of the fort, to a door marked: 'Authorized Green Moogle Personnel Only'.
"What do you suppose is behind that door?" Spacecat said to Edgar.
"I don't..." Spacecat opened the door with his master key. In the restricted room, there was a table with a notebook, an extremely large crate labeled, 'The Black Oil,' and buckets upon buckets of Green Paint.
"What do you think the green paint is for," asked Spacecat, rhetorically, "Nothing in this fort is painted green." Spacecat held up the notebook. Drawn in the notebook was a picture of one Moogle kupoing another Moogle to death. There was an arrow pointed to the kupo-er with the Caption, 'us.' And there was an arrow pointed at the kupo-ee with the caption, 'The REAL Green
"It's all making sense now. The White Moogles must have captured this fort, killed the real Green Moogles, and then painted themselves green in order to impersonate the real Green Moogles, but why?"
"Why? Because they knew you were coming. Your army might have ended up posing a threat to them, so their intention was to gain your trust, and then when your back is turned, kupo you to death! ...figuratively speaking."
"Wow," said Edgar, "How could I have been so blind? Thank you so much, Spacecat. You have saved my life. How did you find out about this stuff anyway?"
"Well, it all started when I first got here. Kepta was so anxious to separate us, and take Nizbel and I to our rooms, that I couldn't help but be suspicious. I could tell they didn't want us to talk with you, but I wasn't sure why yet. Then, later, I became more suspicious when I was getting my massage. It seemed strange to me that a human would be living here. But I put it out of my mind until I noticed something strange about her. There was one time when her head was down and her sunglasses started to fall off her face. They were only off for a split second, but in that split second, I noticed that on her eyes, there was some sort of murky film."
"Hey, so she had her head down, and you were facing her?" Edgar asked with a silly grin.
"I, well, er..." Spacecat started to say. Then he noticed something. "Hey! What's that flashing red light? Oh my God. I think we've triggered some sort of silent alarm. We've got to get out of h..." He was interrupted by a voice on a PA system.
"Mr. Kamog, please call the switchboard. Mr. Kamog, please call the switchboard. Oh, by the way, humans, stay put and prepare for the kupoing of you life! MwahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!"
Edgar readied his auto-crossbow. After a few tense seconds passed, the door burst open and a flood of white Moogles stormed in. Edgar let loose with his auto-crossbow, plowing down the Moogles. They all fell down and bled black blood. "Eww..." said Edgar.
Edgar and Spacecat ran out of the room and up the stairs. They were blocked by more Moogles. While Edgar shot at them, Spacecat looked back and noticed something horrific. The blood of the Moogles they had already killed had gathered together and was now oozing across the floor toward them at an alarming pace. "Edgar," said Spacecat, "Get ready to turn around and start using your flame thrower right away!"
Without questioning the command, Edgar grabbed his flame thrower, spun around and shot forward a wall of flame just in time to stop the approaching ooze. As the awful slime burned, it let off a noxious odor, then it burned out completely and was gone. Then Edgar remembered the moogles he had just killed, and spun around, shooting a giant fireball at another approaching blob of black ooze. After it burned out, Edgar and Spacecat ran towards to place that they originally entered the fort. "All remaining Moogles, evacuate immediately!" the voice on the PA said.
"Wait!" said Edgar, "What about Dath and his men?"
"Probably kupoed to death by now," said Spacecat.
"But we should check, just in case..."
"Didn't you hear? They're evacuating this place. That probably means they're going to blow it up. We have to get out NOW!" Spacecat grabbed Edgar's arm and ran with him to the front door.
"Damn! It's locked!" said Spacecat. Without a second thought, Edgar put on his Jason mask and got out his Chainsaw. He quickly, yet carefully, cut out a hole in the door. They both got out as fast as they could and ran completely out of the forest. "Get down!" Spacecat yelled to Edgar. They both jumped down onto the ground and covered their heads. The next thing they knew, Their was a loud explosion behind them. Spacecat looked up. The forest was completely gone. "Edgar, you've got to see this," said Spacecat. Edgar looked up.
"Wha...?" said Edgar, "It's gone. They must have used a small nuclear device..."
"No," said Spacecat, "They didn't need to. Not only were the trees in that forest unfit to build things out of, but they were highly flammable. The white Moogle scientists must have genetically engineered them to be like that after the white Moogles took over the forest. Their plan was to build Neo Figaro out of that wood, and then after all the people moved in, they would detonate a small fire bomb, and then there would be no more Figaro."
"I can't believe I trusted them..." said Edgar, shaking his head, "Well, where do we go now?"
"To Azala," stated Spacecat.
"To Azala?! Why would he help us? He's the one who took my kingdom in the first place!"
"Because, when he finds out what we know, he will be our ally."
Edgar was puzzled. "What exactly do we know that would change his mind?"
"The Moogles have Nizbel," said Spacecat, "and they don't want the reptites to know."
"But wouldn't he have been Kupoed to death along with my soldiers? It would take four or five Moogles at once to kupo someone that big, but still..."
"They wouldn't kill him," said Spacecat, "If they killed him, then they would make an enemy of the Reptites. Mog may be war-crazy, but even he is too smart to know not to mess with the Reptites. The Reptites have been around since pre-history. They are very strong, and the number of their troops rivals even that of Mog's army."
"Okay," said Edgar, "but even if they didn't Kupo Nizbel to death, don't you think he would have died in that fire? I mean, not even Nizbel could survive that.
"Remember when they said over the PA to evacuate?"
"Do you see any Moogles around here?"
"No. What's your point?" said Edgar, confused.
"Well," said Spacecat, "If the Moogles evacuated the same way we did, there would be some around here, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"My theory is that they evacuated through a secret passageway and brought Nizbel along with them. If they had let him die in the fire, then his charred bones would still be there and it would only be a matter of time before Azala found out about Nizbel's death."
"So what are the Moogles going to do with him?" asked Edgar.
"They're not going to kill him. That's for sure. They're only option is to keep him and hope that Azala doesn't find out that it is the Moogles who have him. That's why they blew up the forest. They hoped that we would get killed, so there would be no one who knew about Nizbel's whereabouts. Then the Reptites might assume that the fire was a freak accident. But we are still alive, and right now we must be the top priority on Mog's hit list. We must find Azala ASAP!"
"First, I think we should go to South Figaro to get some supplies."
"No!" said Spacecat. Any people who might have been there are surely either kupoed to death now or assimilated by way of the Moogles' Black Oil."
"Black Oil?" said Edgar, "I remember a crate that said that in the restricted room, but what does that have to do with assimilation?"
"Can't you see?" said Spacecat, "The Black Oil is a new experimental Moogle assimilation device. That's what the Moogles bled. It's quicker and less obvious than the old Borg paraphernalia. That was what the massage girl was assimilated with. That fort was the first place they used it. Soon, most Moogle assimilations will be done with the Black Oil. There are surely Moogle spies everywhere. Tyrano castle is the only safe place for us to go now. With the exception of Azala and the reptites, we can trust no one."
"That's scary," said Edgar, "Before, I didn't pay much attention to this war. I just wanted my kingdom back. But because of that selfishness, I lost my people. We've got to fight back!"
"I agree," said Spacecat, "Before, I also only served my own selfish needs, but now, more than ever, I can see that this is a war that must be fought by everyone who doesn't want the world to go to hell. In the last few days, I've come to realize that when it comes to the Moogle War, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. In this war it is resist, or serve."
"Alright, I guess we'd better find Azala. But I still don't feel comfortable with this. How can you be so sure he'll fight on our side?"
"Because, once he finds out that they have kidnapped Nizbel, he will send his army to fight the Moogles, and he will be grateful to us for informing him about that. I too have my doubts though. Azala has said that his 'dark gods' have already decided the future, and that the future belongs to the Moogles. But maybe when he finds out that his right-hand man is being held prisoner by them, he will be convinced that it is worth while to fight the future."
"I certainly hope so," said Edgar, "So how do we find this Tyrano Castle, anyway?"
"Just try what works. AZAAAAALLLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

His Dark Lordship

The great skull burst from the dirt. Azala walked out.

"What the.. where the hell's Nizbel!?!"

"The moogles got him." responded Spaceat.

"They what!?!" Azala was astounded.

"They captured him. Edgar and I are requesting sanctuary at your castle."

"Fine, but it'll be a bumpy ride, and ye'll have to pull your weight. For starters, Spacecat, you will have to clean the rug you ruined or pay for it."

"What?" asked Edgar "You expect me to work as a serf in MY OWN CASTLE."

"Was your own castle. You want a new castle, there's a Figaro runaway base near the rapids at Narshe. You coming or not?"

Edgar sighed.

"Fine. But what about the green moogles?"

"I doubt they're native to that single forest. Come on."

They entered the Tyrano Lair. Azala quickly ran to the engineering room and barked out orders in his saurian tounge. Spacecat and Edgar were escorted to the throne room, where they were joined by Azala.

"Nizbel always wears a small jewel on his horn. We're tracking him and burrowing straight to them. Hold on to something."

"Why?" asked Edgar.

Just then they felt a jerk and Edgar flew across the room.

"Because this thing can burrow at 90 miles per hour."


Azala left and quickly returned.

"We're almost there. Get you're weapons ready, you're joining the assault team."

They were escorted to the small room below the Tyrano head, which wasn't extended out as of yet. The room was filled with about 24 heavily armed Reptites, who looked more like walking suits of body armour than reptites. Each had a fantastic scimitar at one's side, and in the other they carried fantastic looking shields of bone. Azala himself was garbed in this fashion. Down the hall small Tyranosaurs were being barded.

"You sure all this bone is gonna work against steel?" asked Edgar.

"Just watch." laughed Azala. They heard a thump.

"We're here." Azala pulled down a level and the Tyrano head began to burrow upwards. The Reptites climbed up the ladder and stood ready. The Ladder shifted into a stair and the mounts followed. They joined and stood in battle formation. Edgar and Spacecat even got one.

"Ready?" asked Azala. The jaws opened to revealed a horde of moogles, weapons drawn, watching anxiously. Further down the horde Nizbel sat in a classic Donkey Kong cage, looking absolutely bored out of his mind. "CHAAAAAARGE!!!" yelled Azala.

The 24 Reptites, along with Spacecat and Edgar, rode into the fray. The reptites were obviously Azala's elite Honor Guard; they took out moogles in quick and easy swoops. Some even seemed to possess telekinetic powers, as they lifted moogles up and threw them at others. Azala use his telekinesis the most, however, obviously extremely powerful with it as he lifted Moogleboars with his mind and sent them splatting into the walls like flies on a windshield.

Nizbel's eyes lit up at this, and he began to pull at the bars.

"You cannot possibly brake those bars, they're reinforced titanium." spoke the moogle colonel.

Nizbel simply grunted, and charged head first into the bars. A loud creak of metal was heard, and in the next moment, Nizbel was no longer in the cage, and the Moogle Colonel was impaled on a nearby stalagmite.

"He's loose" laughed Azala as Nizbel began wreaking havoc on the moogles.

The moogles, seeming desperate, called something. The ground began to tremble, and Dildo Weapon burst from the dirt.

"What the hell's that!?!" growled Azala.

"It looks like a giant wang with arms and legs" said Spacecat.

"It /_*IS*_/ a giant wang with arms and legs!" yelled Edgar.

"Bring in the big guns" yelled Azala.

The earth trembled again, and the entire Tyrano Castle burst through the ground. Two huge gates stood at it's front, and they slowly creaked open...

And a bloodchilling cry was heard as several T-Rexes came screaming forth from the castle walls....

And, though Dildo weapon fought hard, he could not counter the strength from a dozen 45 ft reptiles. He withdrew, and the reptites won the day..

And they returned to their sanctuary within the ground....


Edgar: So, what now?

Spacecat: I say we go to Crystal Peak. If we want to make a difference in the war, Crystal Peak seems to be the place to go. What sayest thou, Azala?

His Dark Lordship

"There's too many people there right now. I trust that Bacca guy can keep things under control. Besides, if we're there, there'll be absolutely no one to stop the other armies from their ransacking pillages; even now there isn't enough."

Azala shook his head.

"We're holding a council tonight to discuss what to do. You may attend if you like."