The Wanderings of Tojo: the Tojodussy
The Wanderings of Tojo: the ssy

His Dark Lordship

Tojo was lucky enough to suddenly come face to face with a besieged city. Screams were heard from inside, and lots of Kupos.

Tojo: I need to quit talking.

A moogle sentry, posted to make sure no one attacked while the moogles were having their fun, spotted Tojo's little force and yelled. Following its yell, a large, horrifying monster rose from behind the walls. A bunch of ladies fell from various body parts of its.

Moogle: Rubber Weapon! Attack!

Rubber Weapon: ROOOOOOAR!!!!!

Tojo: Uh oh...

Tojo Mojo

Tojo: Uh oh... He looks even more powerful than Drunken Weapon and Stoned Weapon... Oh no!!!! What will I do without my Mastered Seal Materia!?

Tojo looks through the pockets in his robes. He finds the Periwinkle Materia.

Tojo: Aha! You will pay, Rubber weapon! For whatever it is you did!

Tojo runs up to attack but pauses halfway there.

Tojo: Oh yeah, that's what I have them for. Army, ATTACK!!!!

The army of roughly 500 Mohonian knights charges forth to attack the Rubber Weapon. They all bounce off. A slew of spells also reflects.

Tojo: So physical attacks aren't gonna harm this guy... Maybe we could tame him...

Just then, the Rubber Weapon eats 37 knights.

Tojo: Maybe not. Goddamn those Moogles and their rubbers. What can I do?

Mohonian Knight A: Sir, nothing is gonna hurt this guy. Should we run? Is the town worth it?

Tojo: Well, there _are_ all those helpless females in there who would most likely be overjoyed if we were to save them... There's gotta be someway... If only I had a ship, I could attack from above...

Mohonian Knight L: But ships are so controversial these days. We'd all end up on Jerry Springer arguing about Warp Trails...

Tojo: I guess you're right. Of course!!!!!

Mohonian Knight D: What?

Tojo: If we can't attack the weapon, why not attack the ground beneath him.

Mohonian Knight P: The ground? Won't he bounce?

Tojo: No, we attack with fire. He'll melt. Ready? Aim... FIRE!!!

His Dark Lordship

Rubber Weapon: Uh oh...

The grounds bursts into flames all around him.

Rubber Weapon: WAAAA!!!

Moogle Sentry: Rubber! Here! ::throws Rubber Weapon a Fire Ring::

Rubber Weapon: Hee hee hee. ::eats another knight::

Tojo: Maybe we'd better get out of here before we get ourselves killed.

Suddenly a glorious woman's head pops out of a window.

Woman: Tojo! Save us!

A couple fuzzy hands grab her and pull her back in.

So Tojo and his troops fight on..

Rubber Weapon: Gug. Gah 'ee gah brak. WOOOOG!!!

Another huge weapon rises up from behind the walls with several naked people falling off him.

Rubber Weapon: Wug.

Rubber Weapon walks back into the town and starts sweet talking a crowd of people.

Moogle Sentry: Go, Cheese Weapon!

Cheese Weapon: RUUUUURGH!!!

OOC: BTW, he isn't edible. ;D

Tojo Mojo

Tojo: Cheese, cheese... How can we fight off cheese? Hey, waitaminute... doesn't cheese melt too? Ready, Aim, FIRE!!!

His Dark Lordship

Cheese Weapon: RAAARGH!!!

Tojo looks as the monster becomes more menacing.

Deep Fried & Burnt Cheese Weapon: ROOAAR!!!!!!!!!!

Tojo Mojo

Tojo: Damn. I want to get to that crystal place before this war ends. Okay.

Tojo motions to about 200 of his men.

Tojo: You try to hold of this cheese guy. The rest of you, come with me. Maybe beating the crap outta some moogles will scare this guy away. It'll make me feel better at least.

Tojo and about 250 men run into the town, looking for white hairballs to beat up. As he approaches the gate, he gives one last
look back to his soldiers fighting the giant cheese weapon.

His Dark Lordship

And he watches them get eaten.

Tojo: Dammit.

Tojo and his 250 knights and started attacking Moogles left and right. This drew the attention of other Moogles, and Tojo continued to fight on to small guard set.

When they were in the town square, something clicked in Tojo's mind.

250 Knights...

15000 Moogles.

Tojo: Uh oh.

Tojo's realization came at a bad time, as those moogles having finished kupoing their assigned townsfolk began to lust once more. One moogle emerged from a building wielding a bow and arrow. He armed an arrow with a rope, and fired it dead on into one of Tojo's knights' legs, and then he and two other moogles began to drag the soldier in at immense speed.


A fellow Knight came forth to help, but a backup Moogle shot him in the leg with one of their grappling arrows too. He got pulled in. A pulling of the blinds in the house revealed a place full of moogles.

The two soldiers screamed for help.

Knight: I'm not risking my ass.

The two soldiers vanished behind a barred door. Screams were heard from inside.

With this little distraction going on, the other moogles in the town were able to finish their kupoing, having now annihilated the town. Craving fresh bodies, they began to ready their grappling bows and began to fire into the crowd of humans as well. More soldiers began to get dragged in at an alarming rate.

Soldier: Umm.. Tojo, maybe we should just turn tail and run to crystal peak.... AUUUGH!!!

The soldier got dragged into one of the complexes.

Tojo Mojo

Tojo: Yes. That is a good idea. MEN! FOLLOW ME!!

Thus Tojo and his army break into a mad dash towards Crystal Peak (Yep, no longer the Crystal Place). Although he only has 10 soldiers left to follow him, Tojo continues to Crystal Peak in hopes that he can assist the heroes already gathered there.