Tojo Ponders... While Siran Does Wacky Stuff
Tojo Ponders... Siran Does Wacky Stuff

Tojo Mojo

Tojo now walked corrected on his way to that crystal place (he still didn't know the name). He looked at his feet to avoid stepping on any of that Kusmack guy's lawn. He seemed pretty pissed when Tojo had a few minutes ago. Tojo turned around to check on his army.

Tojo: !!, They're still frozen!

Tojo turned around, ran back and kindly asked the Mystic guy to unfreeze his army. Then they began their journey yet again.

Tojo: Third time's a charm.

Tojo began to reflect on the war. A war they called it? More verbal fighting went on than anything else, and many of the "heroes" spent more time preoccupied with brushing their hair and talking to their cats (of course, here I am, talking to myself, Tojo thought). How do we even know if Mog's still around? Where the hell are all the moogles in this "Moogle War".
Still, Tojo continued his march to the crystal place.

Pat Szostak

Meanwhile, in Bacca's army's campsite, Siran was talking to his cat.
"I love you Mittens," Siran gushed, "we'll never be apart." Suddenly, Siran's eighth sense went off, alerting the young martial artist that it was four thirty and Robotech was about to come on.
"Yes! Maybe I'll understand what's happening on today's episode!" Siran thought. "Stupid Cartoon Network, showing the episodes all out of order!"
Siran ran through the camp back to his own tent, but then he remembered that he was in the Moogle War, and there were no TVs in the Moogle War.
"DAAAAAAAMMMIIIITTT!!!" Siran cried out. He yelled Dammit for three whole minutes, but he eventually collapsed from lack of oxygen. He remained on the ground long after he caught his breath, weeping pitifully.
"Oh, how will I get my anime fix now?" Siran cried. "And why the bitch isn't anything happening around here? Here I am crying in my tent when I'm supposed to be leading a bunch of army guys through some tunnels to take me to some place where I don't know where it is!" After a few moments Siran realized that what he said hadn't made any sense, but that didn't stop him from marching over to Bacca's tent so that he could make an ass of himself.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" Siran demanded as he rushed into Bacca's tent. "What's the hold up? What's the meaning of this? What's the square root of 276?!"
Bacca had been putting sticks and mud together in a desperate attempt to make a TV so that he could watch Robotech, but he looked up to see what the disturbance was, and glowered upon seeing the martial artist.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" Bacca asked.
"Not if I close my eyes!" retorted Siran.
"I'm TRYING to make a TV so that I can watch Robotech. We don't have TVs in the Moogle War, and--argh, glarg, BLAAAAARG!"
"Argh, glarg, blarg?" Siran replied confusedly. The martial artist looked at Bacca questioningly, and then, faster than you could say "Mohorovicic Discontinuity" Bacca had undergone a horrific transformation!
"Mohorovic--Oh my god! Bacca has undergone a horrific transformation!" Siran exclaimed. Siran looked at the monster that had once been Bacca, and then he rubbed his eyes and looked again, and then he blinked a few times and looked again, and then he did a funny little dance, but no matter what dumb ass things Siran did, there was no denying the fact that Bacca had become an ugly monster.
"Ba ha ha ha! I am Deathtaur, the evil monster. I've been waiting for a chance to kill everyone and everything.....and this is it!! Baa haa haa haa!"
Deathtaur laughed and gloated and looked mean while Siran desperately tried to think of a plan.
"You skanky whore!" Siran yelled in frustration since he couldn't think of a plan.
"Skanky whore, is it?" Deathtaur replied. "Well, we'll see who the skanky whore is after I kill everyone involved in this war and eat their spleens!! Baa haa haa!!"
As Deathtaur opened his mouth wide and laughed, Siran saw his opportunity. He grabbed a can of lighter fluid and poured it all over Deathtaur. Then he pulled out a pack of matches and lit one. Deathtaur was still laughing...he had no idea that Siran was about to take the match....and light a cigarette! Deathtaur immediately smelled the sweet smell of someone filling their lungs with tar and crap.
"Oh man!" moaned Deathtaur, "I REALLY want a cigarette. Y'see, I've been trying to quit, but nothing works! I've tried the patch, the gum...but I can't control my cravings. You gotta give me a cigarette!"
"I don't think so, Deathtaur!" Siran replied, "Your days of....doing bad stuff are over. Over forever!"
"Noooooooo!" Deathtaur howled with rage and exploded for no apparent reason.
Siran stopped smoking and looked around. "If Bacca was really a monster, does that mean that this whole war was a sham?"
"No," said the real Bacca.
"Bacca! I thought you just turned into a monster and died!"
"No, that was just my evil twin brother, who happens to be a monster/cigarette addict. No, the real Bacca is safe, and now that that ugly incident is over, we can all go back to doing nothing."
"Ah, crap!" Siran muttered.

And then he woke up. Siran sat bolt upright in his bed and looked around. He was still in his poorly furnished tent, doing nothing instead of going into the Crystal Place.
"So it was all a dream," Siran said. "That's good. I would have hated to miss Robotech." But suddenly, Siran made a horrible realization!
"Oh no! They don't have any TVs in the Moogle War!! I'll miss Robotech!! DAAAAAAAMMIIITT!!!"