A Good, Classic Battle
A Good, Classic Battle

His Dark Lordship

With Mog's moogle weapons ready, and Sephiroth off in an Orky camp, and most of the good guys focused on Crystal Peak, it is time for another great siege.

Mog's men: Yahoo! Party! Party!

Mog: Shut up boys. We got some towns to sack.

So Mog prepared to attack Digwagawa.


Guard: Moogles sighted!

Mother: I've already had enough children, dammit!

Hubby: You can always get an abortion..

Mother: Hey, yeah....

Guard: Orks sighted!

Guard 2: We must defend the city!

Guard 3: Ug, me tough!

Guard 1: Good lord, what the hell is that.

The guard points at the five gigantic, metallic moogles with heavy clawed paws and nasty cannons on their shoulders.

The Moogle Weapons begin fire at the walls.

Guard: Moogle Weapons!

Guard 2: AAAAAUGH!!!

The army charges out to meet it's destiny, when...

Ork warriors: WAAAAAGH!!! Dakka dakka dakka!

Drugga: Weez da orks! Turd kannonz, faia!

Aeris finds herself covered in ork crap. Cloud smiles. Aeris wipes some in his face.

Drugga: Squig lobbas! Rawk lobbas! Get 'im!

Squigs are volleyed into both the town and the moogle army. People are getting eaten everywhere.

Mog: Holy crow. Direct the Moogle Weapons at those Orks.

Rubber Weapon: Ugh.

The weapons open fire upon the orks.

Drugga: Uh oh. Gobbo chukkas!

Goblinz: We've got explosives! Kaboom!

Several goblinz are loaded into the catapults and fired at the weapons. A lot of goblinz crash into them like lemmings(squish!) and their bombs detonate. Just then, the weapons start doing the macarena. Everyone starts screaming.

Goblin Engineer: Stupid bombs a success!

Mog: This is not good. Okay, charge them! Kupo them! KUPO KUPO KUPO!!!!

The town has, by this point, been pretty much destroyed and it is now an epic battle between the moogles and the orks.

Drugga: Get doz sissy fuzzy dildoz! Hambaga shootaz!

Hamburger starts flying all over the place. Ork and Moogle crossbowmen exchange bolts. Moogles kupo fallen orks, Orks dismember fallen Moogles. Mog and his queens find themselves covered more and more with ork crap. The weapons have gone from doing the macarena to the bunny hop and are stepping on everyone.

Meanwhile.. at crystal peak.



DL: But aren't they still being controlled?

KuSam: SHUT UP!!!!

Jaana: Who gives a *&#!?!

Schala: Maybe I'd better get out of this while I can...

Back to the *good* war.

The moogles and orks continue to fire at each other. The moogles make use of their biological weapons, the orks fire their various biodegradable leftovers.

Suddenly, Ozzie is beside Mog.

Ozzie: Greets Mog.

Mog: Who the hell are you?

Ozzie: I am Ozzie, king of the mystics. I am willing to help make the end of humankind swifter, but you have to give us a good 33% of the land gained so we can rebuilt our empire.

Mog: How about we just Kupo you too?

Ozzie: Fine, asshole, then prepare to die.

Ozzie disappears and suddenly an army of mystics come pouring from a hill beyond.

Drugga: Whoo-hoo! More things ta shoot at! I luv war! Dakka Dakka Dakka.

The orks begin firing at the mystics as well as the moogles and a three way battle is going.

NPaladin:(from Phoenix) Okay, we can eliminate a good two thirds of the opposition right now! Fire a few photons at that battle spot!

The Phoenix fires some photon torpedoes. They fly down to the army, but then reflect off a wall of light.

Dark God Bukaweechuk: Don't interfere, Paladin, we're enjoying this.

Crewman: Uh oh.. Umm.. Captain, those photons are heading right towards us...

NP: Shields up!

Back to the fight...

Azala nudges Spacecat.

Azala: See? What'd I tell you?

The Orks, the Mystics, and the Moogles battle all through the night, until the orks begin to get bored, and decide to go home. This leaves the Mystics and Moogles, who are by this time just giant oceans of ork crap. Unable to see what the hell they're doing, they flee to their respective spots.

The winner is.. The orkys!

The trumpets flare and Drugga dances around like an idiot.

Drugga: Now 'den, lets see wot Jaana 'as to say..