Part Three: Mog Takes a Queen or Two
Part Three: Mog Takes a Queen or Two
While this was going on, Mog in turn had his own little adventure.
Mog: Those hot dogs packed some punch!
Aerith: Yeah, but the idea of using hot dogs as weapons I find highly...
Mog: Yeah... you're right... hmmm.... wait, I got it! Now listen closely.
Later at the chocobo stables:
Cloud and Tifa are tending to the chocobos.
Aerith: Hi guys.
Tifa: Oh, hi Aerith.
Tifa: Hey, wait a minute, aren't you dead?
Cloud: Huh? Oh my god! It's the ghost of Aerith! AUUUGH!!!!!!<runs screaming
into the wall.>
Aerith: So Tifa, what're you doing with HIM?
Tifa: What do you mean?
Aerith: You know what I'm talking about you little slut. What are you doing
with my man?
Tifa: You were dead, what was I suppose to do?
Aerith: Actually... Cloud! You gave into her, you cheat!<starts kicking Cloud
in the head.>
Cloud: OW!! OW!! OWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Aerith: Die, you male ho!
Cloud: But I love both of you!
Tifa: Playing both of us, are you?<assists Aerith in kicking the snot out of
Mog(from beyond a hill): That other woman has nice titties.
KuPop: Shall we assimilate here?
Mog: Soon.. we shall soon... and I shall have two queens!
Cloud: HELP! HEEEELP!!!!
Yuffie: Hi guys, what's up? Why are you killing Cloud?
Tifa: He's been playing us both.
Yuffie: What? Then he's been playing me too! DIE!!! DIIIEE!!!<joins in the
Cloud springs up and runs into the barn. He comes out with his Ultima Weapon.
Cloud: Okay, bitches, bring it on!
Mog: That's enough! My queens can't afford to get hurt.
Tifa & Yuffie: Huh?
Cloud: Die furball! Omnislash!
Mog: Ummm... oww... Ah well, ever heard of Life3? HA!
Meanwhile, Mog's troopers, having raided the barn, come out with a huge sack
KuPop: Got it!
Cloud: My materia!
Mog: You'll get it back... sorta. Kumama!
Kumama: Ya!<moves his Magitek armor over to where Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie are
and uses it's "Sleep Bomb">
Mog: Okay, Dr. Kuku, you may begin the assimilation. Keep the hair though..
Aerith: What? We're taking them with us?
Mog: Well, you said they were your friends. Besides, I want them all.
Aerith: Okay, whatever.
Mog: Get the chocobos too. You have five minutes then we're moving out.
KaMog: Sir! We've got an army of humans led by that Alan moving in.
Mog: Aww man, just what we need! Kumama! Can the magitek cannons hold them
Kumama: Not alone. We'll need to move in the whole magitek infantry in.
Mog: Do it then. Keep this place fortified. Those who aren't fighting will
build up walls around this place and get ready for siege. There's wheat fields
here for the chocobos that we can use to make bread, and we can eat our dead.
Kuku! Are my queens ready?
Aerith: Looks like I have some competition. Ah well. Nothing like an orgy or
And so the moogles prepare for siege. What dire plan does Mog have up his
sleeve? Stay tuned....
As so the siege begins...A huge onslaught hits that Moogles full
force..Strangely, Alan is not in that unit. Several bombs are set at the
foundations of the walls. The unit leaves with the bombs set...
The walls come down, taking a good number of moogles with them.
Just as the moogles are regaining their grounds, getting ready for attack,
sheets of arrows fly from either side of them, leaving the magitek armor
intact, but wiping out several of the drivers.
Very shortly afterwards, a great many hot dogs are hurled towards all the
moogles, standing by idly
Alan: "Hey! They're not working! Who was the idiot who suggested using hot
dogs as weapons?"
Soldier: "Ummmm...that would be you, sir."
Alan: "Oh...That's right. Well, everybody eat the hot dogs and draw your
And so a big hot dog grilling is started, and everybody has a great time
Alan: "Ok! Now that we've all eaten..."
And so, Alan's army, a great many of them archers, sending sheet after sheet
of arrows at the foul, evil, disgusting moogles, join into the fray.
Archer: "Ummm...we're out of arrows"
Alan: "Ok...then...We've done enough damage for now. Let's go reload and get
ready for the next attack!"
And so, having won that battle, Alan's troops retreat to prepare for the next
battle...Keeping sharp watches out...Oddly, a few troops have
Alan: "Hey! Don't give him hints at what's going on!"
Mog, Aerith and their new wives sit around the fire, finishing the rest of the
soldiers they found stalking around, away from the army. ;D
Cloud: Wow, I never though human flesh was so tasty! I love you Mog!
Mog: So then, everyone full?
The group nods.
Mog pulls out his loudspeaker.
"Alright! Everyone! Load onto the magitek airships! We're clearing out!"
Alan's army sees a bunch of airships take off.
Yuffie: Come on, love muffin, let's get in the privacy of the airship!
Mog: Hold on, there's something I've always wanted to do.<loads a chocobo into
a catapult and launches it.>
<it flies right past the army but it's poop hits Alan.>
Mog: Whoo-hoo! Okay, my dearests, let us go onto the airship
Cloud, Aerith, Tifa and Yuffie: Yes.. let's...
And so the airships take to the sky, and onward to Mog's hideout, the scheme
After Alan has taken a shower, and then making sure Sara is still with him (In
that order, of course)...
Soldier: "Look! the airships are going! We've got to stop them! Shoot them
down or something!"
Alan: "No, no. It's taken care of."
Just then, all the airships undergo violent explosions, one by one, in the
*Boom!* *Boom!* *Boom!* *BOOM!!!!* *ETC!*
Alan: "Hahaha! Never underestimate the power of war tactics! And a few
secretly concealed Moogle Belts!"
At the thought, Alan searches all of his soldiers to make sure none of them
are secretly moogles. If any of them are, then they were killed.
The airship comes crashing down on a strip of desert islands. Mog is NOT, I
repeat NOT on the island with any of the girls:-).
Spacecat: Which would mean that they must be WITH ME!
Aeris: Hey, where's Mog?
Tifa: Yeah, we were supposed be his queens!
Yuffie: Yeah, I wanna be somebody's queen!
Spacecat: Hi, I'm Spacecat. And to quote Tone Loc, "You can be my queen if
you know what I mean. Let's do the wild thing!"
Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie: Alright.
Spacecat proceeds to get busy with Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie.
17 hours later:
Spacecat: So ladies, how was it?
Tifa: It was incredible!
Aeris: Yeah! You da man, Spacey!
Spacecat: Hey, what's with Yuffie?
Tifa: I think she passed out from the intence pleasure you gave her.
Aeris: Hey Spacecat, I'm getting horney again.
Tifa: Yeah, me too. Give us some more hot lovin'!
Spacecat does it to them again and again and again and again...
Alan: Most of their Magitek artillery is destroyed, and a great many moogles lost. That oughtta' fix 'em!
At that, Alan hops on his own airship (After thoroughly checking it for any
type of explosives or traps that aren't supposed to be there, of course), with
plenty of Cows and various barnyard animals to throw at the moogles to throw
at the Moogles, As well as a few anvils. At the very least, it'll take up
space on the already overcrowded islands...And there's no water to
drink...*Tisk Tisk Tisk*
Mog: Dammit, Alan.
Mog goes into the crashed airship and pulls out all his materia, then proceeds
to cast Quadra Magic-Knights of the Round-MP Absorb on the airship, which
pretty much decimates it. It crashes near Kalm. Alan, of course, survives. :)
Mog: That'll show them.
Kumama: So what do we do? Our airship's wrecked!
Mog: Radio, of course!
Mog radios for an airship from home base, which picks them up, along with
Mog's queens and several other moogles on a separate island not far away.
Before Alan can reply, the airship whisks itself away to home base. No one