Soldiers Meet Soldiers Meet
Sky H Ainsworth
A company of Lance Henriksens stood at attention as their sergeant was relieved of command and replaced by one from the keep.
He was a man of good build, his body muscular, his faced and what could be seen of his arms having an occasional scar. He stood before the company and regarded the soldiers with cold calculation.
"Damnit!" he thought. "How am I supposed to tell these guys apart?! Ah, Bacca, what the hell are you thinking?"
Speaking to his new command, the sergeant cleared his throat.
"I am Hollis, your new Sergeant in command and I will be leading you through the engagement with the moogles." Hollis thought of what else he could say, but nothing really came to mind. They all stood next to their erect tents and everything was nice and prime.
"At ease," said Hollis. He himself loosened up a little bit at this. "Gather round. Let's talk."
The Henriksens broke formation and formed a circle. Hollis grabbed a chair and sat down, so did some of the soldiers.
"So tell me, do you have any questions?"
"I am wondering sir," began one soldier raising his hand. "What can you tell us about the moogles?"
"Well, think of a teddybear that you had as a kid. Then think of that teddybear coming to life and grabbing a spear and coming to kill you. That is a moogle. There evil lil' bastards. I fought against them and thought they would not be that tough, but they kept coming and I almost crapped my pants when I realized that more were coming.
"What I can tell you about the moogles is that you have to kill them, all of them. The more you kill the better. The blood of the infidel will run red in the streets! Jihad against the unbelievers!" Hollis stopped and realized that he wasn't back home but here. The soldiers looked at him funny. "Sorry. Flashbacks from another war." Hollis shook his head.
"Something that the moogles do that really sickens me is they put prisoners to death by kupo. Let me just say, it's disgusting and to be put to death by such a measure just makes stomach crawl up inside my brain and kick it around and say, 'Why the hell are you tempting fate and your secret fantasy by fighting these fur balls?'
"One time I came upon a moogle who was kupoing a fellow soldier. The poor guy was on his last legs and the moogle ready to ejaculate. I saw them and yelled. The moogle stopped, looked at me with a scared expression and was trying to pull out, but his little furry penis got caught in my fellows rectum. I had run up and was going to make a swipe at the moogle. But the little bastard leaned back and my sword swung down and cut off his penis.
"OH! The sight. Blood and jizz all over the place. The little furball cried that he would not be able to satisfy his fetishes anymore and I just cut the guy down. My friend was out of it thought, and soon died. He was lucky. He would not have to live through any more tortures.
"Any other questions?"
The soldiers sat there with wide eyed expressions and did not say anything.
"So, huh," began Hollis, "any of you guys hear any good jokes lately?"