Welcome, to My Humble Abode!
Welcome, to My Abode!

Sky H Ainsworth

Bacca and Lady Paladin, exhausted and covered with dust and blood, stand looking at the retreating army and the lone Dreadnought.
"What do we do?" asked Bacca. He was not smiling. "I'm not that familiar with technology but I am pretty sure that that is not good."
"I agree with you there," said Lady Paladin, she looked around. "The Figaroans are scrambling though. They might be able to take care of this. But we can't do anything. Besides, we need to rest and regenerate."
"Yeah," said Bacca, smiling slightly. "Today has been a hard battle. I think I killed close to a hundred of those guys. And you must have taken out another fifty." He pauses and lets out a long whistle from his lips. "Did we even dent their army?"
"I have no idea. But when one of those moogles took out the Super Ball, I thought that we would for sure be done for."
Bacca smiles at Lady Paladin. "Yeah. Well, the Figaroans, if they can figure out what to do here, owe me a Super Ball." Bacca looks up into the sky. Lady Paladin follows his gaze and sees a winged creature approaching the two.
"What is that?" asked Lady Paladin, squinting to get a look.
"A dragon," said Bacca smiling. "That second whistle I blew on called him over. He's been waiting for me to give the second whistle to pick us up. Oh, there's another one." Bacca pointed at another dragon approaching at a different angle. "I got an idea."
As the first dragon lands near the two fighters, the second begins to settle down. Bacca walks up to the first dragon and strokes its head while speaking to it in low tones. After a while, the dragon rears up his head and makes a serious of growls, grunts, and mutters to the second one.
The second dragon scurries over to the dreadnought and picks it up, with difficulty.
With some effort, the dragon manages to take off and carries the dreadnought south to the sea. After a while, it drops the magitek instrument of war into the briny drink.
"Let's go," said Bacca.
"Where?" asked Lady Paladin. Bacca climbed onto the shoulders of the dragon.
"With Brutus here. He'll take us out of here and to someplace safe." Bacca offered his hand. Lady Paladin, a little hesitant, eventually climbed on as well.
With a little snort of smoke out of his nostrils, the dragon takes off for the skies.
"Was that groan from him a comment on my weight?" asked Lady Paladin.
Bacca smiled at her. "My lady, you are as light as a feather and as fair as a dove. He merely does not like being treated as a taxi service. But he and his clan owe me, so do not worry."
"Where should we go to rest?"
As the two fly, Lady Paladin gets an image in her mind. Bacca, looking forward and controlling the dragon, does not notice.
"Let's go in that direction," said Lady Paladin, pointing her long slender arm to the horizon.
Bacca looking at the pale and smooth arm holds back his urge to kiss it and instead turns the dragon in Lady Paladin's direction.
"What is ahead?" asked Bacca.
"I'm not sure exactly, but it seems like a safe place," replied Lady Paladin.
"Well, I know enough not to doubt a woman," said Bacca with a smile.
After a while of flying, Bacca notices something on the ground. Heading down, Lady Paladin notices a lone figure walking across a desert.
As they get closer, Bacca says to himself, "I knew it. I can tell a woman at any distance."
As the dragon descended, the figure's features became apparent. Wrapped in a robe and with a hood over it's face. The person walked with a staff and seemed to be tired.
Landing, Bacca and Lady Paladin dismounted and walked up to the stunned figure.
"Need help?" asked Bacca. He unslung his pack and pulled out a canteen. Opening it, he offered it to the stranger.
The figure eagerly grabbed the canteen and emptied its contents into her stomach.
The face became apparent as the woman tilted her head back and her hood fell back.
"I know you," said Lady Paladin. "You are .... the Druid Kaitlin, aren't you?"
Having satisfied her hunger, lowered the canteen and her head and looked at the two with weary eyes.
"Yes, I am," she said in a hoarse whisper. Her eyes then lost focus and the woman fainted.
Without missing a beat, Bacca stepped up and caught the woman before she hit the ground.
"Do not worry, my dear," said Bacca, "I shall take care of you."
Lady Paladin bonked Bacca over the back of the head. The warrior then fell forward from the blow and dropped Kaitlin on the ground, landing on top of her.
Lady Paladin, realizing Bacca's weight from his armor and weapons grabbed the warrior and managed to pull him off of Kaitlin. The poor druidess gasped for breath.
"Why'd you hit me?!" demanded Bacca, rubbing the back of his head as he eyed Lady Paladin.
"Quit being the lady's man and let's get her out of here," said Lady Paladin.
"Why? Are you jealous?" asked Bacca.
"No. Of course not," said the Lady. She looked at Bacca hard. He returned his award-winning smile and she turned away, flustered.
Stooping, Bacca lifted the lithe woman and carried her to the dragon. Climbing onto the mount, Bacca and Lady Paladin arranged Kaitlin between the two and took off.
After a short while of flying, they spied a fortress below them.
"Is this the destination you were talking about?" asked Bacca.
"Yeah," said Lady Paladin.
"How's our patient?"
"She's fine. Just resting now."
"Good," said Bacca. He smiled and took the dragon down for a dive.
"What the-!"
The dragon just managed to dodge a fire ball launched from the fortress. Several more followed it. Diving low by the fortress, Bacca began yelling at the defenders.
"We didn't come here to fight! We came for sanctuary! Stop firing at us!"
Dark Lord Eric, downstairs at the initial onslaught, quickly rushed to the ramparts.
"What's going on?" asked the Dark Lord.
"We spied the dragon approaching and not recognizing it, started firing," replied a sergeant.
The dragon made another deep sweep and Bacca yelled insults and demands at the defenders. DL spotted the three figures.
"Cease fire!" cried the DL. "I know some of those people."
As the last fire ball and arrow was fired and it finally appeared to be safe, Bacca and the dragon outside the front gate, out of reach of the ballistas. He dismounted and waited for someone to come to talk.

His Dark Lordship

The Dark Lord greets them, with his long, yellow teeth shining in the moonlight.

"You'd better get the dragon in here. The moogles might try and put it to death by Kupo too..."

Bacca stopped his looking around and paid attention.

"The Moogle's are coming?" asked the Lady Paladin anxiously.

"Ye never knows." grunted the Dark Lord, then sees the Druidess. He signals for Xyocl to come over.

"The lass is back, and hurt too."

"Nygraticl." mumbles the Lizar, draped in exotic feathers and tattoos, and he along with two soldiers haul her into the keep.

"Is that some sort of witch doctor?" asked the Lady Paladin.

"You got that right. Can't get the common tounge down, but not too many of us can, especially when they're here on emergency." he turned about. Bacca ducked just in time to prevent getting clubbed by the dark lord's long tail. "Make yourselves at home, but keep in mind you gotta pull in some time on guard. Oh, and don't make fun of my soldiers if they try to communicate, no matter how they sound.(they sound roughly like a parrot with a coarse throat, but a bit deeper and more rough.) They don't take it very well." He then walks off, arranging soldiers and weapons and directing people in his olde, archaine tounge.

Sky H Ainsworth

Bacca turns towards Brutus and says, "Thanks for the ride, big buddy. You'd better leave now before something bad happens to you, again. I'll visit The Nest when I get a chance. Hopefully, I won't need your guys assistance again, but in war, who can tell."
Bacca waves goodbye and the dragon, quickly nodding his head, takes off for the skies and flies away.
Catching up to Lady Paladin, Bacca whispers to her.
"Where the hell are we?" (could someone tell me?)

His Dark Lordship

You're at my keep. :P It's a fortress made of obsidian standing in the middle of a ravine crowned by two twin mountains. No human settlement for miles. No settlement period, actually.

Sky H Ainsworth

"And who the heck are these guys? Why do they have tails?" (could someone explain this as well?)

His Dark Lordship

The Dark Lord(and all his troops) are from various completely separate tribes of Utahraptors(these being civilized Utahraptors) from a alternative Americas. The northernmost tribes are nomadic, while in the southern parts there lie the civilizations of T'kala and Intar (bascially parodies of the Aztecs and Incas.) while on other parts of the south american continent the rainforest people are, once again, nomadic, and that's where Xyocl comes from. He's a Shaman for a particular group.

Anyway, they're just here helping me out.

Sky H Ainsworth

Speaking a bit louder to be overheard.
"Excuse, Dark Lord. I and Lady Paladin actually came from a battle with Mog's General Cid and his army and we are a little tired. I was hoping that we could get some place to rest and some food to eat."
The Dark Lord eyes the two.
"Well, my bedroom is currently taken with Jaana and Sephiroth. But I do have store room that the two of you could use."
"Ah, we don't need a room to ourselves," said Lady Paladin. "But Jaana is here?! Let us talk to her. I've been worried sick for her."
"Let me think about it."
"Oh," said Bacca. "I could use a bath as well."
"Fine," said Dark Lord with a sigh.

Lady Paladin

Still unsure of where she is, Lady Paladin heads to her assigned room. She carefully studies the room for any bugs or enchantments, and then carefully wards the room. "It pays to be careful when Bacca is in the room next door to me," she mutters, eyeing the wall as if he's smiling at her through it. "And to think the Dark Lord suggested we share a room! Hmph!" She bristles at the very suggestion of it. "Why, if I could get ahold of the Northern Paladin and let him know what was going on I --" Her tirade is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Who is there!" she calls out irritably. She hasn't received adequate sleep for a number of days, and her mood is getting increasingly worse.

"'Tis I! Bacca!"

She sighs and opens the door. "I figured it would be you. Come on in, wipe your feet."

Bacca raises an eyebrow at her curt tone but still gives her one of his most dazzling smiles. "I was going to go question the Dark Lord about where we are and what these creatures around here can possibly be, my Lady. I thought you would be interested in coming along."

Lady Paladin rubs her eyes and barely stifles a very un-ladylike yawn. "I'm sorry, Bacca, but after being on the road for so many days and casting so many spells, I'm not really up to it. I'd rather just relax in these gracious quarters and go through my packs to figure out how to get ahold of the Northern Paladin. I have a feeling he's going to need my services soon, but I don't know how or why." She shrugs limply.

The warrior frowns at her, and casually leans against the doorway with his arms folded. "Hey now, I thought we've been a pretty good team! Now you're sending me off to question Dark Lord alone, and you're insisting on joining up with the Northern Paladin again, well I..."

She gives him a little smile and he instantly stops talking. "Now Bacca, you're a noble warrior and I had no intent of offending you. But I'm really too tired to argue now, and I'd just like to rest. Let me know this evening when you get the information we need," she orders. Then, with another honeyed smile, she slams the door in his face.

Lady Paladin turns and heads toward the bed with a sigh, "Good, now I can rest!" She resets all of her wards and begins sorting through her packs for an idea of how to find the Northern Paladin. "I hope everything goes well between Bacca and the Dark Lord," she says with a sigh, and sets her wakazashi directly to her side just in case...

His Dark Lordship

"Anyway, you'll have to take it up with Jaana should you wish to talk. As for the bath.." the Dark Lord points to a small lake filled by a waterfall just outside one of the gates, "Take your chances. There's a set of catacombs behind the waterfall you can hide in.. though you might rather deal with the moogles than the inhabitants of the cave..."

A soldier runs up to the Dark Lord with piece of birchbark with some Glyphs, obviously carved with a knife, in it. He mutters something in their olde archaine tounge of the commons, and then returns to his duties.

The Dark Lord reads the note, then nods with a look of distaste upon his eyes.

"What's wrong?" asks the Lady Paladin.

"To explain fully...."

* * * * * * * * * *

Behold the small hamlet of Thamasa. Children play in the streets, putting each other on fire with their magic then curing them. A really weird sight.

Relm sits at her room, pouting. Stragos had given interceptor away (Interceptor having stayed with them since Shadow disappeared at Kefka's tower) after finding out about their... odd relationship (relating to the world famous hentai pic, no less. :P).

Interceptor sits in the cage the mayor stuck him in, whimpering.

And there, upon a cliff, overlooking the town, stands the Daemonic Moogle body of Mog, his wide leathery wings blotching out the sunlight, his tusks scratching his cheeks, his claws standing outright.

His standard raises to the sky. A trumpet sounds...


Ogre sized Moogleboars pour into the city at all ends, A few mages trounce the pathetic magic of the residents. It doesn't take long for the town to surrender. Relm is brought to Mog.

"Greetings, old friend." smiled Mog.

"Fuck you Mog."

"Geeze, you treat one who would make you queen like that..."

"You can't take me away from here!" exclaims Relm "I can't live without that dog!"

"Hmmm..." Mog calls to bring in Interceptor. He is brought to the circle.

"Assimilate the dog too."

The moogles cheer, and then begin putting the residents of Thamasa to death... by Kupo...

* * * * * * * * * *

"Well... there goes another city." grumbles the Dark Lord. "I guess their next stop is Mysidia..."

The Dark Lord then walks off, leaving Lady Paladin and Bacca to ponder the meaning of it all...

Sky H Ainsworth

"Wait!" said Bacca. "If Mysidia is the next place to be attacked, or hasn't been, then we should be there. Right?" Bacca asked a little cynically.

His Dark Lordship

"We'd never make it in time. I can transport a fair amount of individuals, but not a force large enough to stand up to the moogles. If you think you can scrounge up a group that's willing to waste their lives, be my guest. But I doubt the troops will take you seriously, you being a human and all..."

Sky H Ainsworth

"When will Mysidia be attacked?" asked Bacca.
The Dark Lord thought a moment. "In about three, four days," I think.
"Give Lady Paladin, that Druidess we brought in, and myself time to rest and recover and we will go to Mysidia before the Moogles show up.
"You see," said Bacca with a smile, "I am Bacca, High Lord of All that Kicks Ass. I am worth fifty men on a battlefield. I have trained since a toddler to be a warrior and have never been defeated in battle. All I need is a healer, a spell-caster, and a few more warriors as back
up, and I will personally guarantee success in our campaign. Even if we fail to save Mysidia, the Moogle Army will be no more after I am down with them."
"What are you toking?" asked the Dark Lord. He grinned, showing his yellowish teeth. "Okay. Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you before too long."
The Dark Lord turned and went about his business. Bacca went in search of a bath tub, electing not to try the cold lake outside the fortress.
A few hours later, Bacca knocked lightly on Lady Paladin's door. Getting no response, Bacca rapped it louder.
The door opened suddenly and Bacca jumped in time to avoid a flying chair. The furniture crashed against the opposite wall, splintering and shattering.
Lady Paladin stood in the door way, fuming and wide-eyed.
"What do you want?!?!?!" asked the perturbed healer. "I was trying to sleep. What could be so important?"
"Ah," said Bacca quietly. "I, ah, just came by to say that I have a bath ready if you want it. I thought you might like to wash off the dust and grime of battle to better relax." Bacca smiled faintly.
Lady Paladin softened a little.
"Oh, I see. Where is it?"
"It's in my room now," answered the warrior. "But you can take as long as you like and I'll go occupy myself elsewhere. I'll give you two hours to enjoy yourself." Bacca's smile got a little stronger, seeing as how Lady Paladin was no longer irate.
"Make it three and you have a deal," said Lady Paladin.
"You got it. If I may." Bacca indicated the direction to his room and walked with the Lady.
"Oh, I found out some new info. The Moogles plan on attacking Mysidia. The Dark Lord can't march his army there in time, but he can transport a small party there.
"All I need is a healer, a spell-caster, and a few others and we can stop the army, maybe even destroy it. What do you say, care to join this noble warrior?"
Lady Paladin thought a moment. "You got it. Count me in.
"By the way, why did you join the war originally?"
"Well," replied Bacca, "a lady's honor was at stake and I could not let anything happen against a woman without her consent. So I joined. Plus, I wanted to establish myself as the High Lord of All That Kicks Ass to everyone."
"Oh, I see," said Lady Paladin, cynically. They arrived at the door and Lady Paladin peered in.
"All for you," said Bacca.
"Thank you," said Lady Paladin. She hugged Bacca, surprising the warrior. "You are a good man, don't ruin it."
"Okay," said Bacca with a smile.
Lady Paladin closed the door and enjoyed a nice long bath. Bacca, on the other hand, went outside and practiced a few blitzes, even teaching a few of the lizars pummels and suplexes.

His Dark Lordship

The Dark Lord returns...

"The men are more concerned with keeping this valley than the mage town, so I'm afraid you're outta luck with that note. As for the healer, you got your Paladin Lass there. For the other mages I figure the people of Mysidia can be rallied. Done deal?"

Bacca grumbled to himself.


"Okay, away you go." the Dark Lord flashed his hand.

"Whoa! Waaaaai-"

Bacca fell to the ground, outside Mysidia, with the Lady Paladin. She screamed.

"Umm... whoops. Didn't realize she was taking a bath."

Some chain mail fell from the sky and hit Bacca on the head.

Lady Paladin

Sputtering with rage, Lady Paladin huddles on the ground covering herself. Her face is bright red in embarrassment and anger. "You pervert!" she roars up at the closing teleport. "As though you didn't know I was taking a bath! You're nothing but a lecherous voyeur, and I'm going to teleport right back there and rip off your stinking --"

"Whoa, whoa, Lady, calm down," interrupts Bacca. He picks up her cloak from the ground and drapes it over her, all the while trying to politely avert his eyes. "Don't raise too much of a racket, we're on a mission here."

She shyly darts an arm out to snatch her clothes. Their belongings are scattered all over the ground, wherever the teleport randomly dropped them. She pulls her robes back under her cloak, acting like a wounded animal. Bacca is surprised to hear her sniffling.

"Lady, are you OK?" he asks in concern, and starts to bend down to be at eye level. She pulls away from him and tries to cover herself more.

She carefully wipes some tears from her eyes with her left hand. She blinks a few times and manages to look at Bacca with tear-filled brown eyes. "I'm not physically wounded, if that's what you mean. But I am so mortified! I'm a virtuous lady, and to be exposed like that..." Her lower lip begins to tremble.

Bacca nods, comprehending her innocence. "I understand that. And it was a complete accident, I hope... This won't damage your honor, Lady, and I won't tolerate anyone harming your reputation over this incident."

Somewhat comforted, she manages to choke out the question that truly concerns her. "Did you see much of me?" Although a practiced warrior and healer, her entire body shudders and she looks as pale as a ghost.

Bacca coughs politely, trying to erase from his mind the image of her falling from the sky. "Not much," he lies.

Lady Paladin lets out a relieved sigh. "Good. Thank you, Bacca. Now, could you turn around so I could get dressed? And please make sure there aren't any more perverts around to spy on me."

Bacca gives her a brilliant smile and stands up. "I will be glad to provide such a service to you, my Lady."

He turns and stands guard. She hurriedly pulls on her garments, and then her light leather cuirass and white robes. "Where are my boots?" she asks in an irritated voice.

"Under the bush about 5 feet away. I'll fetch them for you." Bacca, as chivalrous as always, gets the boots and hands them to Lady Paladin.

"Thank you," she says with a sigh. She shakes the boots out in case any stones managed to fall inside, then she sits on the ground to pull on the steel-toed white boots. Bacca unconsciously begins to stare down out her, and Lady Paladin gives him a glare that would send a lich scampering back to hell for safety. "Turn around again, please, Sir Bacca." He obliges without hesitation.

After a few more minutes, she announces, "OK, I'm ready!" Bacca turns to see that she even has slung her packs over her back. Her wet blonde hair is sticking out every which way, and her gloved fists are clenched. "Let's see what we can do to help Mysidia. I happen to know the Elder very well, so we can get immediate access to him. And then, when we're done, I'll skin the Dark Lord alive." She voice is bright and chipper, and she smiles widely.

Bacca lets out a loud chuckle. "Very well, let's head off to Mysidia!"