Subj: [ffml] [MW] A long overdue post from Pat...
Date: 99-07-31 20:41:32 EDT
From: patszostak@juno.com
Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com
To: ffml@onelist.com
From: patszostak@juno.com
After his meeting with Alan, Pat ran off into the woods for no adequately
explained reason, as he was wont to do. Confused, his small army of
moogles stayed behind in the forest of wherever the heck this is
happening, waiting patiently for the return of their commanding officer.
Kupug: This is getting pretty boring.
Kamuff: Yeah...Hey! I know! Let's play a game to pass the time! I'm
thinking of a number between one and ten. Can you guess what it is?
Kupom: Is it "sex"?
Kupug: He said "a number between one and ten." "Sex" isn't a number.
Kamuff: Yeah, but he was right anyway.
This goes on for quite some time before General Pat lurches out of the
forest, drunk as a drunken general.
Pat: [singing] Keep on rockin' in the monkey...urp!
Kupug: Wow, Your Generalness! How did you manage to get drunk in a place
where there isn't any alcohol?
Pat: Heh, well, I didn't become General 'cause of my competent
leadership.
All the moogles look worried.
Pat: Uh, I mean I *did* become General because of my competent
leadership.
Kupug: Okay, but that doesn't answer my question.
Pat: Well, gee golly whiz! I can't be expected to answer all of your
questions! "Where are we going?" "What's the point of this mission?"
"Is that mushroom poisonous or can I eat it?"
Moogle: Ugh...I don't feel so good... [dies]
Pat: See? You have to take matters into your own hands and quit buggin'
me with all of your questions! Now, I've got work to do! And by work, I
mean drinking!
Kamuff: There goes the best general we ever had...
As Pat grabs his Jug O' Booze and heads into his Super Deluxe General's
Tent, a sentient sphere of light with a cute lil face floats into the
clearing and starts gesturing angrily.
Elemental: What are all of you people doing here?!
Kupom: Wow, that is one hot sentient sphere of light! I wonder if I
could have sex with it!
Elemental: I am not a sentient sphere of light, I am Lumina, the
Elemental of Light! And while I appreciate the compliment, I do not want
to have sex with you. Besides, I'm a guy! ...I think [checks] Oh, geez,
this is embarassing. I can't even find my genitals...
Kupom: Don't worry, pal, we've all been there.
The other moogles look at him funny.
Kupom: I mean, uh, what a freak!
Lumina: Hey, shut up, or I'll bright you good!
Kupom: AIEEEEE!! [runs away]
Lumina: That's what I thought. Now, where's the leader of this ragtag
bunch of ruffians.
Kamuff: The human, over there [points]
Pat: I'm a happy monkey. I eat bananas all day long, and people play
with me.
Lumina: Aww, nuts! Hey, Mr. Human? You need to leave here right now!
Pat: Are you an angel...?
Lumina: Um, sure. Anyway, leave now!!
Pat: Why for done me...asuieghaseugasjfgrackle....
Lumina: This sucks! Is there anyone less drunk who I could talk to?
Kamuff: [looks around] Actually...no. We're all pretty smashed right
about now...
Lumina: It's 10 o'clock in the morning!
Kamuff: Yup! We're the fightinest, drinkinest army there ever was!
Lumina: Well, I guess I could use my handy elemental powers to sober up
that general character. [casts a spell]
Pat: Wow! I feel like a new man! Or rather, a less drunk version of a
previous man!
Lumina: That's good. Now that you're feeling better, could you please
leave right now?
Pat: Awww...don't you love us?
Lumina: No, not really.
Pat: Well, okay then. Why do you want us to leave, anyway?
Lumina: Because you and your army have come dangerously close to the
Light Palace, where the Mana Stone of Light, an artifact of extroardinary
power, is kept...I mean, uh, no reason.
Pat: "No reason?" That's not very nice, but--HEY! Wait a minute! Mana
Stone of Light?! I bet that thing is really powerful, huh?
Lumina: Um, well, I suppose that depends on...er, ahh, nuts!
Pat: Woo hoo! Everybody storm the Light Palace! We're gonna get us a
Mana Stone! And then we'll show that lousy Alapadala!
The moogles all cheer and run into the Light Palace, where many of them
are killed by the big monster guarding the Mana Stone, who does not
appreicated being violated by little fuzzy guys. Eventually the moogle
army makes it back outside with the Mana Stone in tow.
Pat: Yay! Alright guys, let's go find us some Alapadala! Lumina, you
come with me. You can join my collection of other elementals whose
powers I have.
Lumina: You have other elementals with you?
Pat: Well...not exactly. But I do have this neat pupet I made out of a
dead mole carcass and some sticks. Look! It's Mr. Mole! Hello, Mr.
Mole! Hee hee hee!
Lumina: I bet this never happens to other elementals! Noooo! Hey, put
that dead mole down, it's disgusting!
--General Pat McPat-ther "I shall return..."
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Subject: [ffml] [MW] A long overdue post from Pat...