Subj: [ffml] [MW] Anger Date: 98-10-15 03:49:49 EDT From: jandoc@hawaii.edu (Schala) Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com To: ffml@onelist.com From: SchalaShe had never felt this way before. It was like a searing heat that began in the pit of her stomach and rose up to choke her heart, then exploded in a mass of painful sparks that died slowly, torturously away. She was happy to be free of the Moogle camp, but as the days passed, she seemed to have lost all will, all sense of direction. She had wanted to return to Bacca as soon as possible, but slowly the urgency was fading from her mind. This was perhaps the closest she had ever come to the edge of sanity...Even her days following her return were nothing compared to what she was feeling now. She lost all sense of herself... Even though her only company was Frog and Kaitlin, she felt so stifled. She wanted to be alone, but Frog's protective eye wasn't letting her go off anywhere by herself. She had at first felt sadness. Then a new feeling began to emerge. What it was, she couldn't quite describe it. It was an urge that went against her nature, one so primitive that she hadn't realized she had it. But it was there, buried deep within her soul. The dark forces of her very being swirled around restlessly, gaining in power and strength until they finally burst free from their confinement and spilled out, infecting her brain, her mind, her actions. She first knew the feeling was there when she woke up gasping for air one night after a nightmare...a nightmare that had replayed a certain event, in vivid, distorted color. The Moogleboars had been larger, hairier, more merciless, more frightening. Her terror had been greater, her helplessness weighing like a thousand lead stones on her chest... And she had felt it... She had wanted...to hurt...to torture... ...To KILL... She didn't care who or what. And no sooner had she woken up and the thought had passed through her mind than she had reached for the small dagger she now kept, risen quietly, and gone over to one of her sleeping companions. She had stood over Kaitlin, watching the druidess' even breathing. She hated it. She was envious that Kaitlin could sleep so peacefully while she herself had no comfort from the nighttime world...a world that was once her friend... And the hatred had grown and expanded and shook her entire self until her face was contorted beyond any ugly countenance imaginable... And she had taken the dagger...raised her hand...and stabbed... ...her arm. Her hand was clentched around the hilt, her arms seemed to be frozen in time. She watched with an eerie satisfaction as the blood seeped from the wound and stained the robes that she had just mended. She stood there for a long, long time. Blood ran down her arm, over her fingers, and dripped to the ground. Then slowly, slowly...she had pulled it out. She had savored in the pain she was feeling. But she wanted to know how it would feel like...to kill... Slowly she moved the dagger until it was pointing at her heart... She stood very, very still, the dagger clutched so tightly her knuckles were white. Her other hand was fisted as the pain began to get unbearable. The tears ran fiercely from her eyes. But still she was stolid, her jaw clentched to prevent her breaking down. Then...almost in slow motion...she moved her hand away... Finally she cut off a piece from her hem and bound her wound. Although she knew the others would see the blood and ask her about it, she did not care. She wiped the dagger on a clump of grass and stuck it back into the sheath on her belt. She lay down again, the exultation still filling her chest. She had never felt like this before. And, strangely...she enjoyed it. The way to meet your fate is to try your hardest to avoid it. --- Wilma Jandoc aka Enya *ICQ: | "Life can only be understood jandoc@hawaii.edu *14710984 | backwards. But it must be lived nabiki_tendo@geocities.com | forwards." http://www2.hawaii.edu/~jandoc | - Binkley, http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9800 | "Bloom County" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Help support ONElist, while generating interest in your product or service. ONElist has a variety of advertising packages. Visit http://www.onelist.com/advert.html for more information. ----------------------- Headers -------------------------------- Return-Path: Received: from rly-zd03.mx.aol.com (rly-zd03.mail.aol.com [172.31.33.227]) by air-zd01.mail.aol.com (v50.18) with SMTP; Thu, 15 Oct 1998 03:49:49 -0400 Received: from onelist.com (pop.onelist.com [209.207.135.229]) by rly-zd03.mx.aol.com (8.8.8/8.8.5/AOL-4.0.0) with SMTP id DAA28870 for ; Thu, 15 Oct 1998 03:49:44 -0400 (EDT) Received: (qmail 17235 invoked by alias); 15 Oct 1998 07:46:48 -0000 Received: (qmail 17213 invoked from network); 15 Oct 1998 07:46:45 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO relay1.Hawaii.edu) (128.171.3.53) by pop.onelist.com with SMTP; 15 Oct 1998 07:46:45 -0000 Received: from [128.171.44.6] ([128.171.44.6]) by relay1.Hawaii.Edu with SMTP id <148857(7)>; Wed, 14 Oct 1998 21:49:33 -1000 Received: from localhost by uhunix4.its.Hawaii.Edu with SMTP id <135674(2)>; Wed, 14 Oct 1998 21:49:33 -1000 Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998 21:49:27 -1000 From: Schala X-Sender: jandoc@uhunix1 To: ffml@onelist.com Message-ID: Mailing-List: list ffml@onelist.com; contact http://www.onelist.com Delivered-To: mailing list ffml@onelist.com Precedence: bulk Reply-to: ffml@onelist.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Subject: [ffml] [MW] Anger