Date: Thu, 2 Jul 1998 02:35:55 -0700 Subject: [ffml] [MW] The Chia Ambles Along From: "Beth Davis" "Why," asked the George the gigantic Chia Pet to himself, "do I get sent on missions like this?" He sighed, his paws thudding over the terrain in giant steps. His updated orders from Golden Melody were not want what he had wanted. "Go find the lost city of Jask, the horse says. Go find the lost library so the Lady can get more spellbooks." George looked around the horizon. It was a barren plain, only a few trees speckling the wide expanse. The golem was glad he didn't have to eat anything to survive, because there seemed to be nothing edible in this place. "And I have to do this quickly," he grumbled. "Why? I should be napping in some delightfully moist, shady place. But no-o-o-o, Emperor Adventure, lord over all cats, had to give me to Lady Paladin as a gift. And I have to answer to her stupid horse. George should be on the top of the hierarchy, not on the bottom." He sighed again. "I hope I find this city soon, my Chia-fuzz is starting to sizzle in this direct sunlight." Date: Fri, 3 Jul 1998 23:28:40 -1000 The bored Chia soon noticed as more and more of the described landmarks became visible. Jask had vanished centuries before due to completely unknown causes; in the city's cultural height, it had been famous for its towering pillars. George was quite pleased when broken pillars increased their frequency on the plain. He plodded along, and finally entered the city itself. It was a huge place, filled with crumbling stone buildings and marble fountains. A few aqueducts were still flowing with clean, fresh water. The golem couldn't help but wonder why people hadn't reclaimed the fertile city. "George would like this place," he thought in satisfaction, looking around. The library stood in the center of town, but to George's dismay, the entrance passage had collapsed. So, George went about pawing at the wreckage until a tunnel was cleared that would permit entrance to his massive body. "They should have kept my kind in mind when this place was created," he huffed. He traveled down to the basement with the grace of a cat and the subtly of a gigantic walking terra-cotta sculpture. "This place is dark," he growled. Being a feline, he could usually see quite well in the darkness, but this place seemed immune to his ability. "I need light. But how? George can't carry a torch. George doesn't have magic. What resources would this city have?" He thought for a few minutes, sitting back on his haunches. Suddenly, he perked up and grinned in excitement. "Of course! How could George forget what made the city of Jask so prosperous?" The golem reared back on his hind legs, and then clapped his front paws together. The chamber instantly filled with light. "The Clapper was a wonderful invention," George mused, and then peered about to find the books he had been sent to recover. Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 23:46:10 -0700 Subject: [ffml] [MW] Chia In the Library His paws heavily clinking on the dusty tiled floor, George wandered among the bookshelves. Fortunately for him, the Jaskians had made wide aisles in their library, so the place accommodated his 10 foot high by 5 feet wide frame nicely. "Duh-da, duh-da, duh-da," the Chia hummed to himself. "Ah, here we go!" According to the Dewey decimal system, this was where the books were supposed to be. They weren't there. "Typical library," he said with a scowl, and begin peering at each level of the shelf for the misplaced books. Finally, he found the first book he had been sent for, a famed text with blue-binding and delicate gold embroidery. He had been warned not to open it, so he tossed it in the satchel on his back and continued. A few minutes later he found the second book, one that he had been given a description of but not the title. "Wowsers," said George. "I never thought she would be interested in THAT." Whistling innocently, he threw that in the sack as well. The third book was not so easy to find. He paced up and down the aisles for hours, but it was not with the "regular" books. "Where else could George look?" he asked aloud. Suddenly at the far end of the room, he saw another doorway. He trotted towards it, and then stopped dead in his tracks. It was the artifact room. Shining golden light shimmered from enchanted items. Dirt-coated jewels still sparkled brilliantly and beckoned to be taken. George, being a humble terra-cotta sculpture, took no notice of these; instead, his eyes saw the book that the Lady had wanted. "Oh gosh," he gulped, and crept towards it. In it was magnificent book, as large as George's paw. It glowed with a dull, violet-tinted ebony light, and seemed to be the only object in the whole library that did not have a speck of dust on the cover. With cautious teeth, he picked it up in his mouth and dropped it in the satchel with the rest. It seemed to still shine within the burlap. The Chia gulped and frantically looked around. It made him uneasy that his Lady wanted a book of such an eerie aura. "What else is George supposed to do?" he asked himself, trying to jog his memory. "Oh yeah, pick up gifts for the other heroes." A huge chunk of rock sat on the tiled floor. "Ooohhh!" he exclaimed, feeling a kinship with another strange object like himself. He grunted and then tossed the rock in with the books. George began to back up, and felt something hard under his paw. In surprise, he looked down and saw some sort of weapon; there was an enchantment on it that made its identity ambiguous, and it had a similar aura to the dark tome. Since the objects seemed to belong together, he threw that in the sack as well. On his way out, the Chia added a few more items for good measure; it didn't hurt to kiss-up to the Lady a bit. With a sigh, he headed up the cramped staircase and back to the surface of the fallen city. It was nighttime, and the place was quiet. George felt somewhat melancholy, and worried about the lack of sunlight that day hurting his lush fuzz. Just then, a weak voice echoed from the distance. "Help! Help me!" the person cried. George looked towards the voice in annoyance. "Grrr...why can't George have peace and head back home to his nice little cave and sleep for a few eons?" Still, his conscience urged him to trot towards the yells to see if he could help. Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 23:46:13 -1000 Subject: [ffml] [MW] Whom the Chia Finds High upon the bare foundation of a ruined building, an obsidian altar had been set up. George approached cautiously, noting the candles lit around the altar. It appeared that this yelling man was going to be sacrificed to someone or something. The man was tied down quite securely, and obviously couldn't get himself free. "Help! Help me! !" George plodded up the steps. "George is coming to the rescue!" he called, feebly wagging his stub of clay tail. The man leaned his head back to see whoever was speaking. His scalp was shaven, and glinted in the candlelight. "What the hell are you supposed to be?!" he hoarsely gasped, gaping at the upside-down Chia pet. "I am the great George the Chia Kitten," he answered stiffly. "I serve the noble Lady Paladin. And who might you be?" "Hell, you don't know? I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin, the baddest man in the universe!" The Chia blinked. "Oh." He was clearly unimpressed. "How did you end up here? You must tell George before you're cut free." The man glared at him angrily. "It was those wrestling officials. McMahon set me up for this along with those other ! I've gotta get back to earth and whoop his ." George cut the ropes with his paw, and Stone Cold sat up, rubbing his fists together. The Chia stared at him for awhile then asked, "I don't think you're from this planet, but Lady Paladin could probably send you back home. I'm heading back to a war camp right now to deliver some goods. Do you want to come with me? George has been bored without anyone along on this trip." The wrestler thought about it for a second. "Hell yeah! A little war wouldn't hurt. I might even learn some new moves to use on that . "Uh...OK." George, being very slow-witted, didn't know quite what to make of this fellow. He was obviously muscled and skilled in fighting, but his words didn't seem to make much sense. They walked back down to the road and began heading through Jask. "Oh!" proclaimed George out of nowhere. "I know who you are! George has a satellite in his cave! You're that guy who promotes the meat sticks and says, 'Oh yeah' in a funny voice!" "What the are you talking about, fool! You're talking about that Macho Man Randy Savage!" "Oh." George blinked a few more times. "OK." And so they began heading back to camp....